still just me. {you weren't expecting anyone else, were you?}

what did you do?

{very tired. still not feeling well. b. wants me to go to the doctor. i'm holdin' out. hopefully i'll be back to my old self by the week end. at least tomorrow is friday. oh, thank you, thank you, thank you for getting here, dear friday.}

music.two {desafinado}

~stan getz

pssst.... push play below.

desafinado

as you can see and hear, desafinado by stan getz is playing. this is my second post in a series of posts related to music. last time i wrote about my brother's influence on my musical tastes, which is more on the current or modern music i listen to. but anything old school like jazz or classical is almost completely my father's doing {i guess a little of my mother's, too}.

anyway, what you are listening to right now is a series of notes that positively spell d. a. d. for me. i hear this piece and i can't think of anything but my father. this was one of his favorites, and growing up in my home, it was played all the time... i mean ALL the time! there are a few other pieces that he loved as much and gave equal amount of airtime to, like feels so good by chuck mangione, birdland by maynard ferguson, take the a train by duke ellington, and take five by dave brubeck. those all have the same effect when i hear them... they make me smile and think of nothing more strongly than dad. they are all now loved by his children just as much, but i think this one is probably my favorite.

so i was so delighted when i plugged in my earphones at work today and saw that one of my coworkers had this 1962 recording by getz and byrd called jazz samba on his i-tunes. i started playing it {desafinado is the first track}, and it instantly brought the broadest smile to my face. it put me in the best mood. partly because it caused such warm memories of my father to surface, but also because it's just plain feel good music. i love when music does that. i love that music can do that.

i'm pretty sure i owe my love of jazz to papa. this is not one of my november gratitude posts, but i'll say it anyway... i am so grateful that my parents raised us in a musical home and instilled a deep appreciation for good music in us.

i hope you enjoyed it. go ahead... listen to it again when it's done. it won't be on my blog forever.

new day, new post

well, sure enough {like i thought would happen} i woke up feeling like maybe i should not have been so personal on my blog {reference to my last post}. i mean, i don't want you all to think i live in a happy bubble where i only say nice, positive, happy things and everything is always hunky-dory {'cause it's not always hunky-dory}. and i don't mind being honest on my blog. but i always worry i'm a bit too transparent here.

and when i express any sort of discontent, i'm always knocked back into place when i see a post like this. this sort of inspiration always makes me feel silly for my petty complaints. so i decided to let the pure joy of others and a peaceful image motivate me today, and not the offenses i experience. and i wanted to quickly post this so that my last post is not the first thing people see when they visit today.

it's raining here, but i'm gonna try to have a sunny day in spite of it. even if less than perfect, i hope you have a good day.

they can't all be happy, cheery posts, but i'll still try to put a positive spin on it.

i chose this photo, because it fits my mood. it was another busy day, but a rough one, too. work's been a bit stressful, but it's more disappointment in people that's got me in a funk. i realize no one is perfect, and i realize i'm a disappointment to people sometimes. but every once in a while, i lose heart because within a short period of time, i feel disappointed by so many people on so many levels. people i know well. people i barely know. and everything in between.

i sometimes feel as though i might just have too high of expectations. who knows. all i do know is i've had a rough day. a couple of them, actually. i know most people who are hurtful don't mean to be. but shouldn't we all be careful to not unknowingly hurt someone? i think so. i don't want to be hurtful... knowingly or not. when someone does or says something that makes me feel bad, i think, "gosh! have i done that? i hope not. i hope i remember how this feels and don't make someone else feel that way."

but i know i'll slip. i just hope when i do, it's not on a day that the person i offended happened to get that kind of thing from all directions on several levels. i'd hate to think they had a day like mine. these past couple of days, i've had people treat me as if i'm incompetent, untrustworthy, too sensitive and not sensitive enough. i've also had people treat me like less than a friend even though i've been a friend to them. i've been ignored. and i've had things done {or not not done} that made me feel less important to someone that i thought i was.

i've even had people just flat out make fun of me and gossip. {that's the hardest one, because i make it a goal of mine to not make fun of people or gossip, so it's really hurtful when it's done to me.} and i hate to say this, but i even feel as though i am used and taken advantage of in a certain situation. gossip or making fun and using or taking advantage of seem more intentional and less likely to be inadvertent, so these are the two i struggle with most.

none of this is foreign or new to me, just as i'm sure it is not to most people. we all experience these things. it's just that when it all happens at once, it can really set you up for feeling discouraged.

i grew up in a home where we were taught to "turn the other cheek" and "forgive and forget" and such. and i believe those things. but i also think that the experience of being offended should trigger something in us to look at ourselves and take measure of our own ways. i'm not talking about the immediate. of course i'm initially offended, which makes me retreat and not want to be social with anyone for a while. but when i'm my usual self, am i saying things flippantly, or hurtfully out of my own insecurity, or purposefully because i want to intentionally make someone feel bad? now's a good time to look back {or even ahead} and ask, "have i done this?" or "could i see myself doing this inadvertently?" i think merely just forgiving and taking everything with a grain of salt is only half the battle.

i've always had thin skin. but i don't want my skin to get so thick and resilient that i'm calloused to the feelings of others. what do you think? how do you handle days like these?

i know it's a bad day when i come home crying and saying to myself or the hubby, "i just don't understand people."

well, i'm exhausted, so i'm going to sleep now. days like this are usually just that... just a day. i usually just need a good night's sleep and some time to let things roll off my back. i'm so glad b. made the bed and laid out my p.j.s for me. it was a sweet gesture from him after he let me vent my frustrations to him. so i'm off to slumber land now. hoping your day was better than mine. good night.

hi, again. it's just me again.

{sigh}

and what did you do?

i had one of those days. non-stop busy. had coffee {see below}, got out the door in a rush, stopped at starbucks to talk to some friends who i saw in the window as i drove by, ran late because of it, skipped my trip to caribou coffee for a cup of their incredible hot chocolate {sorry starbucks} as a result, drove to work {way out of my way because of a stretch of construction that is about half the distance of my normal commute}, got to work, started in on a new leg of the project i've been working on, did a lot more "running around" than i usually do at work, left for a few minutes to grab a quick bite to eat, but couldn't use my debit card because i accidentally locked myself out of it {long story}, so no lunch, back to the office, work, work, work, needing to concentrate more than usual, not feeling too well, finished up, drove home, got in some "return phone calls" time while i drove {even though b. hates when i talk on the phone while driving, but i had to arrange several things for this coming weekend with friends and family}, got home, watched the rest of a rerun of the office with the hubby, ordered dinner {thai for our first-date anniversary... see below}, cleaned up and came in here to blog. WHEW!!! now i can catch my breath.

well, at least one of you asked in my last post... did b. see my post below? the answer is yes. before i went to bed last night {he goes to bed earlier than i do lately, as he has to get up earlier}, i put a post-it note on the coffee maker that said, "dear b., please turn me on. love, the monitor".

i had my post open on my blog and ready for him to read upon turning on the monitor. so, yes. he read it. and when i got up and got my coffee {he had left for work already}, i came over to the computer to check e-mails and such. there was a note from him that said, "thanks, love." and he had also dug out the ticket stub from the movie we went to see thirteen years ago {romeo and juliet... the one with claire danes... yes, that's how old we are!}, and set it on the keyboard for me. sweet, no? : )

anyway, we had thai food tonight, although we should have gotten carry-out from the chinese restaurant we went to thirteen years ago. but i got food poisoning from the egg fu yung that night. so i opted for carry-out from a different place tonight. so glad, too. it was sooooooo delicious!

now we are going to watch the day the earth stood still -- the original. we watched the remake last night. we are hoping the original is better than the new one.

{thanks for all your nice comments on the last post, by the way!}

oh... as i was saying before i interrupted myself... what did you do today?

november gratitude {part three}

since it was thirteen years ago today that my husband and i went on our first date, i thought it would be appropriate to write about things i am thankful for that are related to him.

i'm thankful he makes me coffee every morning. i hate to say this, but i've become dependent on this legal stimulant we all know as java. and it is he who gets up first every day and puts the coffee on. every day i am awoken from the groggiest of states by the aroma and taste of it. i'd be "lost" without it. {pictured are the coffee mugs we use each morning.}

i'm also thankful that he works overtime, and then tells me he is doing it so that we can get a new computer {which we really, really need}. when he told me that, i was so surprised -- in a good way, of course. {you all know how much i've been whining about our slow computer!} what a guy!



i'm thankful that we are both healthy. although we are starting to feel creaky and old, and we are no longer the spring chickens we were in this photo that sits next to my bed {taken by my sister almost thirteen years ago}, we both have good health and are physically able to work and earn a living.

i know i already said this one, but i'm thankful that we both have jobs again.

lastly, i'm thankful that he does his own laundry, cleans the bathroom all the time, washes the dishes just as often as i do, and let's me have all the closet space i need. oh... and he lets me have my "me time" for blogging and taking photos. which leads me to another thing... he puts up with my constant photo snapping, and he never... scratch that... he rarely complains. {he even let's me take my camera with me into the grocery store.}

thanks, mr. b. i'm thankful for you.

evening falls

i took these all yesterday when the sun was about as high as it was going to be. the reason they look more like early evening moonlit photos is actually a happy accident. i forgot to change the setting on my camera that accommodates the type of lighting that is present. i still had it on tungsten instead of sunlight. but when i got the shots home and looked at them on the computer, i was so glad it happened that way. i love the color of these! even the hubby was oohing and ahhing about them, and he rarely does that about my photography. {not to say he does not like my pictures, but he rarely chimes in.} anyway, other than the crop, these are all straight-out-of-camera.

just me again

what did you do?

{i had not planned on making this a series when i did my first "what i did today" post below. but then i liked the responses so much, i thought i would make it a series. first i thought i would show things i do in times of solitude. but i don't think i will limit it to that, especially since the responses i got were things my readers were doing that interacted with other people {{or pets}}. so this has turned into a series of letting you see into my daily life a little, and hopefully your replies of the same. i so enjoyed the responses i've gotten so far. i hope you will share too. so let's here it. what did you do today?}

just me

what did you do?

music.one {ten.cent.wings}

music, the greatest good that mortals know,
and all of heaven we have below.
~joseph addison

music is probably the only art form i get as excited about {or moved by} as i do photography. in fact, probably more, because it has been a part of my life for much longer. i grew up in a musical family, so it was woven deep into my self from early on.

{in case you are wondering... there are more photos. but unlike my usual posts, this one is "words first, photos last", other than the little teaser slice i gave you above.}

anyway, i thought i would do a few posts that were musically inspired since it is such a big part of me. this will be the first of at least three music-related posts.

my brother got me listening to a female artist whose voice i really like, but whose lyrics have an even greater draw for me. her name is jonatha brooke, and one of my favorite songs by her is ten cent wings. on her web site, she writes a little about how she came to compose this song. {the lyrics, a sound bite, and a button to buy the song are also at this link.}

anyway, because of what the lyrics say, i knew i would want to use a sweater in the photos for this post. but i did not know what the wings would be "made of". then i saw this inspiring post on a favorite blog, and i knew right away what i would use. i'd also say that this post inspired me, as well {just for the way she took an ordinary object and "played" with it}.

i wish i could have the song playing on my blog while you read, but it was not available on the playlist widget that i would have used. so instead, i posted the lyrics below. if you want to hear the song in its entirety, you can go here. i hope you enjoy!

ten cent wings

if i knew what i was after,
i’d remember where i’d been
if i was sure of something better,
i’d go, i’d go
~
but i am just another picture,
and i watch myself like you
i imagine what you’re thinking,
i know, i know


ten cent wings,
i’ll take two
pin them to my sweater
and i’ll sail above the blue
~
ten cent wings,
tried and true
orbiting like satellites
i’ll sail away with you


i will love across the borders,
i will wait until it’s dark
i will fly and you’ll be with me,
my wings, your heart
~
then our memory may fail us,
and our language will go too
but the shooting stars will catch our
celestial view


ten cent wings,
i’ll take two
pin them to my sweater
and i’ll sail above the blue
~
ten cent wings,
tried and true
orbiting like satellites
i’ll sail away with you


but i’ll never tell,
i’ll never say,
i’ll never be that brave


ten cent wings,
i’ll take two
pin them to my sweater
and i’ll sail above the blue
~
ten cent wings tried and true
in another life
you are with me,
and i’m with you

{by the way, i found this lovely vintage-esque cardigan on my lunch break today. i stopped at a second-hand store on my way back from hunting down some chicken soup. i was so glad i did. a cashmere j.crew sweater at a mere fraction of what it sold for originally, no doubt... doesn't get any better than that. i was going to use any old sweater that i already owned for this post. but this one went perfectly. it's blue!!!}

this is all i've got

i don't seem to be shaking what seems to be lingering. ouch is about all i can say. my lungs burn and it feels like someone is sitting on my chest. i have a dry cough that is worse at night. but i hate coughing {because it hurts when i do}, so i try to suppress it. i just feel slightly worse than yesterday or the day before, and it seems like whatever is going on is a lot more than just allergies.

hopefully the chicken soup i had for dinner and eight hours of sleep will do me some good. i'm kind of bummed, 'cause i had a fun post in mind. but i lack the energy just now. so i bid you good night.

oh, and please do me a favor this winter and stay healthy -- as much as is possible, that is. there are so many nasty things going around. do stay well-nourished and well-rested.

{about the photos: would you believe this first shot was taken in the parking lot at work? the second one was on my way to work.}

makeover

well, as you might have noticed {since you're here and you're reading just below it}, i changed my blog banner again. most of the leaves outside are gone -- even the ones on the ground. so i thought i would change my banner photo to something a little less seasonal and a little more neutral.

so... goodbye to the "walking in my favorite skirt in my favorite season" shot, and hello to my sister's lovely window.


i think i took this shot when i was at her house last summer. {i have posted it before as a black and white photo.} but you can't really tell what season it is outside, so i thought it would work. i like the quiet, grey, almost melancholy mood to this shot. it goes well with november.

but it appeals to me even more because i am fascinated by photos of light through windows. there is a feeling they evoke that soothes me, and i want to be more intentional about taking shots like this whenever i see it. i want to get creative with it and stretch the limits of my typical picture-taking with this subject. there are so many kinds of windows and so many ways the light can come through them. so i want to start experimenting with it more.

and i plan to... that's why i am creating another "fascinated by..." button. i'm going to make this sort of a project for myself {i kind of need something like that}. and i'll post them here when i get some under my belt. speaking of my sidebar buttons, i made over my sidebar, too. i liked a lot of my old buttons, but i wanted to make everything look a little more uniform and give my blog some visual continuity. so i spent a good deal of time working on that last sunday. it was so much fun!

anywho {or as my friend heather likes to spell it, anyhoo}... how 'bout you? do you have a light- through- window photo that you love? leave me a link. i'd love to see it! i could use some inspiration!

november gratitude {part two}

the things i complain about.

like traffic, because it means i have a car.

like long lines at the grocery store, because it means i have enough money to buy groceries.

like the unusually high number of cloudy days we've had, because it makes the fall color look richer in photographs.

like having the slowest computer of all time, because it's teaching me patience.

like being too busy, because it means i have things to do.

all this to say, i'm not thankful that i complain. it's just silly and it's plain wrong. and i find myself doing it far too often these days. it's something i really want to work on. i was with a friend having coffee when a man was leaving the cafe and decided to stand in the doorway with the door wide open for some strange reason. {there was no one else around, so he was not holding it open for somone.} it was cold out, i had not had much sleep the night before, and that combination made for one cranky me and some mumbled words of dissatisfaction at his lack of consideration.

my friend called me out on my grumbling attitude, and i realized i am far too vocal when things bother me. but even worse, i let too many things bother me. i absolutely do not want to be that way. {that's the sign of a good friendship, by the way... when they can call you on something and you don't get offended.} it was a good wake-up call, and it came at a good time -- during this month of reflecting on what i have to grateful for.

that said, i feel like i'm coming down with something, but i think it's allergy related. everyone's been burning leaves the last few days, and whenever that starts, so do my overreacting sinuses. so i'm pretty sure it's just that, and not a real bug. i've got so much going on this month, and i'd really hate to get sick. but even if i do, you're gonna have to check in on me and make sure i'm not complaining about it. {wink}

i hope this tuesday finds you happy and healthy and grumble-free.

{photo caption: i took these two shots a few weeks ago at nature day 2009 -- an event started and run by the same friend who called me out on my murmuring ways. this is at one of the most beautiful nature preserves around.}

miraculous

call it modern medicine if you must.

i call it a miracle.
and i witnessed it today.


little baby j.
{the son of one of my dearest friends}
was born almost four months early.
that is amazing.
just absolutely amazing to me.


he is quite a trooper.
he is a miracle.
the hole in his heart has already closed,
meaning he won't have to have surgery on it.


he's eating more.
he's getting a little plumper every day.
he's kicking.
he's responding to twinkle twinkle little star
{even my shaky rendition of it}.
he's opening his eyes.
he's clutching his mother's hands.


he's loving the sound of his father singing.


he's making many nurses and visitors smile.
he's doing the very best he can
in the circumstances he is in.
and making his mama very proud.


he is making one memorable november
and thanksgiving season
for one relieved {yet still anxious} family.
he is blessing my heart today.
and tomorrow.
and probably as long as i will know him.


he is so loved and i am so touched
to have witnessed that love.


i got to spend the afternoon and evening there.
we laughed.
some tears welled up for me.
we talked for hours
{his mom and i, that is}.
we joked about how the little slippers
on the baby card i bought for them
are meant to be a novelty
and would obviously be too small for a baby
that was born at a typical full-term size,
but would actually fit
this little guy's feet perfectly.


we also got a kick out of how his little foot glowed
from the light on the monitor
that was strapped around it.


i was unprepared for how tiny he would be
and for how many tubes and wires
he would be hooked up to.
but he rested there comfortably
in his little protective neonatal crib
and never once complained.


i sat with my face close to the see-through acrylic
and watched
and marveled
and prayed.
and of course...
i took pictures.
{mom gave me permission to post them.}


it's times like this that i am so grateful
to have a camera and a love for photography.
but it's also times like these
that i wish i knew my camera well
and knew photography better
so that i could take better pictures
in the low light settings.


but i was still so pleased with how they came out.
especially the first photo in the bunch,
which is my absolute favorite.


c., p., and baby j.,
you are in the prayers
and uttered words of hope and faith
of many who love you.
you hang in there.


rest up.
come home as soon as possible,
but get all the help you need there.
{and, yes, i am truly thankful for modern medicine}


welcome to the world, little j.
you are as precious as can be,
and you truly are a miracle to me.

~your "auntie" georgie

kaleidoscope

someone's been playing again ...

someone named me.
{{wink}}

i made them with these...

i guess i wasn't quite done with fall yet.

haze

so dull and dark are the november days.

the lazy mist high up the evening curled,

and now the morn quite hides in smoke and haze;

the place we occupy seems all the world."

~john clare, november

my drive to work earlier this week was like a dream. i've never seen anything quite like it. the most beautiful haze was in the air, making for an incredible view as i drove into the sun. maybe the colors of fall are all gone, but if every morning in november looked like this, that would be alright with me!

i'm still smitten {don't think i'll ever stop being so} with power lines and such along the roads. i've posted so many photos of them on this blog, i decided to start labeling these posts "fascinated by power lines". there's just something about them that stimulates my senses like nothing else. call me crazy. you'd think it would be flowers or vintage bicycles or cute little puppies or something. but nope... it's power lines. don't know why. and don't care why, either. i just like 'em, and i'm glad to.

i didn't even have to do anything to these images to give them their effect. the mood was all in the sky and my camera just happened to capture it well, i thought {especially for being driv-by shots} -- exactly like i would have hoped it would capture it.

hoping your november is off to a dreamy start. have a lovely weekend.

madly falling {part five, part last}

still some "greenies" left in this shot.


then it boomed into the most
beautiful burst of yellows.

but as they always do,
all the leaves have fallen
and this tree is now bare.

well, the good news is, you won't have to see more autumn leaves photos around here any more. surely you are tired of them if i, myself, have begun to grow tired of them. but i enjoyed the run of color while it lasted. we had an especially vivid and beautiful fall this year. and in true "going out with a bang" fashion, the yellow maples in the empty lot next to my house held on to the very end. they are always among the last trees around to hang on to their glorious color.

we live in the second story of an older house, so the top half of this tree is what we see out our living room window -- not a street or anything else at street level. it's magnificent. for the past month, this is what greeted our eyes in the morning when the curtains were opened and what softened our evenings when the setting sun cast a glow through the leaves. so you can imagine why i am so sad to see them go.

now they blanket the walkway from our stairs in the back to the garage -- also quite lovely.

i told you... it's like a carpet of leaves back there. but not for long. the leaf removal crew will be hard at work this weekend. i'll miss the crunch and crackle of leaves beneath my feet.

it will be a long several months before new life starts to peek forth from the tips of branches that have recently become vacant. but when it does, my beautiful view returns again, only this time green and fresh and full of new life -- the year's first smile...

november, december, january, february, march, april... but who's counting? {sigh}


{if you're new to my blog and want to see "madly falling, parts 1-4", click on the madly falling tag/label at the end of this post.}

november gratitude {part one}

sweet ginny at sweet myrtle has once again invited her readers to participate with her in a theme for the month. it's a popular one, too! gratitude is the word for november's one word project on shutter sisters.

october was "things i am noticing..." month. this time, ginny and i {and anyone who wants to join her} are doing "things i am thankful for... november 2009". so i made a little button for my sidebar, and i included a button link to her thankful posts, too.

wow... the list for this could be endless. though i try to be thankful all year-round, i thought now would be a good time {with thanksgiving around the corner} to say what those things are out loud {or write them out loud}.

so i hope you enjoy reading and seeing the many things i am grateful for. and i hope you will also take time to reflect on all the things you have to give thanks for.

oh, i almost forgot to give my first gratitude list. today...

• i'm thankful that my husband and i have jobs, when just a short time ago we did not.
• i'm thankful that one of my best friends had a strong baby boy, despite the fact that she had to deliver him almost four months early, and that he is fighting like a champ in neonatal care. {he and his parents are still in need of your prayers.}
  
• lastly, i am thankful to live in a place where i am free to blog and write and express my thoughts and beliefs.

what are you thankful for today?

synonymous : labyrinthine

have you stopped to look at a leaf lately?

{see more detail by clicking on image}

such amazing detail in all those maze-like veins that carry life throughout. whether spring, summer or fall, we tend to look at the trees as a whole. but how often do we stop and appreciate just one leaf?

i haven't done a "macro monday" post in a while, so this will serve as yesterday's macro monday shot and this week's tuesday synophotography shot. i'm guessing my sister will have fun with this one.

{see her synophotograph here.}

{part four} madly falling {for bokeh}

there is a beautiful spot off the highway where i went to take many of my autumn photos this year. in fact, most of my "madly falling" posts have been of shots i took there. these first four are from there as well.

the next two were taken through my dining room window. i'm finding that bokeh in photos during the autumn months can be really nice. it's more colorful than usual. actually, i don't even know if all of these are true bokeh. but as far as i know, they are. so this time, "madly falling" was all about the glimmering, blurry balls of light i've been capturing lately.

speaking of bokeh, i said i would post the rest of my chandelier shots today. so here they are... some bokeh, some not, some just plain blurry...

...and i even made a new term...

this really was fun to photograph. it's even more lovely in person. i wish you could see it the way it really looks. i'll practice with different settings next time i visit.

hoping your week is off to a good start {and that you haven't gone and given yourself a tummy ache from too much halloween candy *wink, wink*}!