deafness

"oh, you men who consider or describe me as quarrelsome, peevish or misanthropic, how greatly you wrong me. you do not know the secret reason. forced to accept the prospect of a permanent infirmity, i soon had to cut myself off and live in solitude. for me there can be no relaxation in human society, conversations and mutual confidences. i must live like an outcast. in company i am overcome by acute anxiety, for fear i am in danger of revealing my condition. what a humiliation when someone standing beside me heard a flute from afar while i heard nothing! such experiences have brought me close to despair and i came near to ending my own life—only my art held me back, as it seemed to me impossible to leave this world until i have produced everything i feel it has been granted to me to achieve. i go toward death joyfully; would it not release me from a condition of endless suffering?"

~beethoven