when words continue to fail me

after a very long while away from photography and blogging, this will be my final post on it's just how i see things. i'm not done "speaking in photographs" or sharing my thoughts on a blog. i've just decided to migrate to a new space for this new season of life as i know it.

irony would have it that my last post here—on what was started as my photography blog—will not have my photography at all... but rather the images captured by one of my dearest friends. and this is why...

words fail me when i attempt to explain why i've been gone since last april... off the grid in this strange world we label social media. so for now, i'll simply use her words, along with the treasured photos she took to tell a story i, myself, cannot yet start telling.

when i am finally ready to start telling it in my own words, i'll be doing so in a new space.

until then, this is why i've been gone...

•  •  •  •  •

sharing her story 

{originally posted on stacey's blog on september 19, 2013}

I am by no means a writer, and I’ve been having trouble coming up with the “right” words for this post. So I’m just going to start typing. Please bear with me…

I met Georgia online about 4 years ago. I’ll always remember the wordy comment she left on one of my blog posts and immediately feeling like I connected with her. At the time she was newly pregnant with her first baby, one that her and her husband had waited a very long time for. She was getting older and had pretty much accepted the fact that she may never have children and then Isaac came along. A beautiful baby boy. I was blessed to meet with her and Isaac twice the past few years while in Chicago. 

Then this past spring Georgia emailed me with exciting news. She was pregnant again. She was thrilled. Because of her age and difficulty having Isaac, she was surprised and delighted and I, of-course, was so happy for her. Georgia is an an amazing mama. I was praising God that He was giving her the second child that she so desired. 

And this is where it all gets hard. Really hard. I don’t know how else to put it. Where things go wrong and where an ultrasound shows that Georgia’s baby has a severe birth defect and where an amniocentesis confirms that her baby girl has Trisomy 18. As a labor and delivery nurse I know what Trisomy 18 means. I knew when I cried with Georgia on the phone what it meant for her baby girl. I won’t go into all of the details, but at some point during her pregnancy or shortly after birth, Georgia will lose her baby girl. 

And this is where I freeze. Where I don’t know what to write because the tears just keep flowing. Where I ache for my friend and long to rescue her from the daily grief she is going through. She is carrying this baby as long as God allows. She is constantly feeling her baby move inside her, knowing that this is her chance to hold her. She is hurting, really hurting, yet she has this amazing trust and peace in God that blows me away. Sure, she has gone through the grief cycle multiple times and will continue to do so. But it all circles back to the fact that she knows He cares for her and this baby. Lord bless them. 

I met her for coffee last week while I was in Chicago. We sat and cried together, we prayed together. And we talked about how God sometimes decides to deliver us through something rather than deliver us from it. I can’t explain why. And that’s really worthless. But I know I love a God that is loving. I know that He restores. I know that He holds us and has purpose for us. I know He places people in our path at certain points in our life to help us through stuff. (And this post couldn’t have come at a better time. It’s a good one to read if you are suffering or know someone that is.) Georgia has a faith that is strong, but she and her family need our prayers right now. It’s hard, so very hard. 

She asked me if I could take some photos of her while in Chicago. She has chosen to embrace this pregnancy, even in the midst of the pain. She gave me permission to share her story and these photos because she told me that if there was another woman in her situation she thought it might be an encouragement to her. Lord use it. And now my keyboard is all wet and I just can’t type anymore….

{all photos taken and copyrighted by stacey montgomery photography.}

•  •  •  •  •

before i go, i'll say this. it was hard to imagine back in september when these photos were taken {or in july when we received the diagnosis} that this day would come. it seemed like a far-off dream or a day that would come for someone else... not me. but here we are. in three days, i will be induced, and no matter the outcome, i will meet this little girl God has entrusted to me.

so i found this as good a time as any to come back to this space and bid farewell to it before i start anew somewhere else.

i really have no idea who has been following my photography and words here, or how many. but whether you are one who has followed or one who just stumbled here today, i would be honored if you came along to my new home and stayed for a while, too.

there, you can find what's happening with me, mr. b., isaac and anysia {the newest addition to our family} and all the ways in which the world around us is touching our lives {or the ways our lives are touching the world around us}. 

it's under a new-but-similar name. see things. and i hope we will.