they can't all be happy, cheery posts, but i'll still try to put a positive spin on it.

i chose this photo, because it fits my mood. it was another busy day, but a rough one, too. work's been a bit stressful, but it's more disappointment in people that's got me in a funk. i realize no one is perfect, and i realize i'm a disappointment to people sometimes. but every once in a while, i lose heart because within a short period of time, i feel disappointed by so many people on so many levels. people i know well. people i barely know. and everything in between.

i sometimes feel as though i might just have too high of expectations. who knows. all i do know is i've had a rough day. a couple of them, actually. i know most people who are hurtful don't mean to be. but shouldn't we all be careful to not unknowingly hurt someone? i think so. i don't want to be hurtful... knowingly or not. when someone does or says something that makes me feel bad, i think, "gosh! have i done that? i hope not. i hope i remember how this feels and don't make someone else feel that way."

but i know i'll slip. i just hope when i do, it's not on a day that the person i offended happened to get that kind of thing from all directions on several levels. i'd hate to think they had a day like mine. these past couple of days, i've had people treat me as if i'm incompetent, untrustworthy, too sensitive and not sensitive enough. i've also had people treat me like less than a friend even though i've been a friend to them. i've been ignored. and i've had things done {or not not done} that made me feel less important to someone that i thought i was.

i've even had people just flat out make fun of me and gossip. {that's the hardest one, because i make it a goal of mine to not make fun of people or gossip, so it's really hurtful when it's done to me.} and i hate to say this, but i even feel as though i am used and taken advantage of in a certain situation. gossip or making fun and using or taking advantage of seem more intentional and less likely to be inadvertent, so these are the two i struggle with most.

none of this is foreign or new to me, just as i'm sure it is not to most people. we all experience these things. it's just that when it all happens at once, it can really set you up for feeling discouraged.

i grew up in a home where we were taught to "turn the other cheek" and "forgive and forget" and such. and i believe those things. but i also think that the experience of being offended should trigger something in us to look at ourselves and take measure of our own ways. i'm not talking about the immediate. of course i'm initially offended, which makes me retreat and not want to be social with anyone for a while. but when i'm my usual self, am i saying things flippantly, or hurtfully out of my own insecurity, or purposefully because i want to intentionally make someone feel bad? now's a good time to look back {or even ahead} and ask, "have i done this?" or "could i see myself doing this inadvertently?" i think merely just forgiving and taking everything with a grain of salt is only half the battle.

i've always had thin skin. but i don't want my skin to get so thick and resilient that i'm calloused to the feelings of others. what do you think? how do you handle days like these?

i know it's a bad day when i come home crying and saying to myself or the hubby, "i just don't understand people."

well, i'm exhausted, so i'm going to sleep now. days like this are usually just that... just a day. i usually just need a good night's sleep and some time to let things roll off my back. i'm so glad b. made the bed and laid out my p.j.s for me. it was a sweet gesture from him after he let me vent my frustrations to him. so i'm off to slumber land now. hoping your day was better than mine. good night.