this quieter love

"Love as distinct from 'being in love' is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

~C. S. Lewis

{photo caption: two of the pages that contain quotes about love by c. s. lewis in one of my favorite books called the quotable lewis.}

. . .

i've never been too big on valentine's day. red is one of my least favorite colors, and the explosion of commercial red that is everywhere to be seen with the preparation of this "holiday" really gets to me by the time the day actually arrives.


plus, i've never liked to "be told" when to show someone i love them... or ask them for their love... or celebrate their love for me. i like to do those things on my own time... spontaneously. and so does my husband. so we rarely "celebrate" this day in the way that hallmark tells us we should.


but when you love photography and c. s. lewis's wisdom and writing and blogging and you are pregnant with an incredible love for a child growing in you and you are more in love with your husband than ever before, valentine's day becomes a wonderful opportunity to celebrate all those things... so that is what i am doing here today.


mr. b. and i have one of the most flawed marriages you'll ever see. he and i are some of the most flawed people you'll ever meet. but even with our shortcomings as individuals and as a couple, over ten years, we have come to know a love that i never knew i could. i'm so encouraged by the fact that, if allowed, love grows stronger and deeper over time. and it should. and if it doesn't, you have to question if there was ever love there to begin with.


b. and i have gone through a lot... are going through a lot. for all the great things i can say and share about him / us on this blog, there are almost as many difficult things i could write about. but i don't celebrate those things in and of themselves. i celebrate the fact that they are there and they cause us to love each other more each day by teaching us patience and long-suffering. but it is the good things i celebrate.


i'm so grateful for him. i've said it before here... this pregnancy has drawn us together like i never knew it could or would. and i laugh about it and call it hormones sometimes. but it's a deeper love i feel for b., now that we have made this little squirt together. don't get me wrong. there have been some reeeeeeally tough moments where we were "at each other's throats" {and i'll take most of the blame... i'm pregnant and hormonal}. but there have also been some tender, life-changing, bonding moments, too.


i had hoped not to ramble on... just let lewis's words say it all. but i feel like i have so much to say. in fact, i've barely begun. still, i'll cut this short{er} now and instead leave you with this video that my sweet friend jen {at hi kooky} once posted on her blog. i had always meant to put it on my blog for b's and my anniversary. but it works here, too.

this is where i hope to be with b. years down the road. {well, not at the mayo clinic... but making music together because that quieter love sustained us through thick and thin.}

the thing i love about what lewis says above is that it speaks to friendship in a marriage. and that is why what he says {minus the romantic part} could also apply to any relationship... friendships, siblings and other family relationships... even co-workers or relationships between church members. loving someone even when you do not like them... it's easier said than done. and you surely know it when you receive it!

happy valentine's day to all!