monkeys and puddles and sunshine... oh, my!

dear baby-b,


if you were old enough to read right now,
you'd know that i recently deemed february
"a month of love"
on my little ol' blog.
and the day i did it,
i had a big plan to write to you the next day...
all about love.


but then something happened the night i was to write this to you.
i spent the evening with your great-grandmother,
and so much happened with her,
that i was not able to fit in my letter post to you.
in fact, in the days to follow, i couldn't even start it.
but that had more to do with something completely besides
the fact that the night with your great-grandmother
threw me for a complete loop.


it's why, even though i have had three days
since i last saw my grandma,
i still have not been able to write.
it has to do with the fact that i have entered
some sort of new stage in my pregnancy with you.


i'm not quite sure how to describe it,
and i don't even know if it's a common phase for all pregnant women.
i just know that i am definitely under something
that is undeniably slowing me down.


i've sort of been describing it as some sort of brain fog.
difficulty focusing and concentrating
with a significant fatigue and exhaustion that accompanies.
and just a general sense of feeling behind
and overwhelmed with all there is to do
in preparation for you.
but before i turn this post into a letter about brain fog,
i'll just leave it at that
and get to the real reason i wanted to write to you.

see these boots?
they are yours.
though i don't yet know if you will be a boy or girl,
when i saw these boots for sale in a thrift store for $1 a couple weeks ago,
i could not pass them up...
they tugged at my heart's strings far too strongly.
i might have been dissuaded by the fact
that they won't fit you for a few more years yet.
or by the fact that they were quite scuffed up.
or by the fact that i don't know what your gender is yet.
{although, the last point is not a very big deal to me,
as i think these sweet monkey boots could work for a boy OR girl.}


but the low price for something i had a feeling was a quality product
with such whimsical monkey faces
on a cheerful, bright yellow background
was too good to pass up.


anyway, here on this little bench they sat...
day after day after day.
each day, i would walk by them while making my way
to and from one end of the house to the other.
and at first, every glance their way made me smile.
but after a while, i thought less and less of them,
as they quickly became part of the furniture...
that is, until one day {last friday}
when i walked past them,
and i realized they were just the bit of sunshine
that i really needed to see that day.

you see, it has been so cold here this february
{with the exception of a day or two of warm temps that melted all the snow}.
but worse than cold, it has been cloudy for so many of those cold days.
and being the sun-lover that i am,
this really wears on me after a while...
when i can't see the sun or feel it's warmth
for long periods of time,
even on the coldest of winter days.
and it had me pretty bummed friday morning
to wake up and see yet another cloudy day.
i think i literally said out loud, "are you kidding? another cloudy day?"
as soon as i awoke and looked out the window that morning.


i remember thinking, "man, i just really need a ray of sunshine right now."
and shortly after having thought that,
i walked by your little boots again.
i realized then and there... this is my ray of sunshine!
not just because they are bright yellow
and so adorable, you can't help but smile...
but because they represent something.
they represent a future with you.
a vision of cloudy days being full of fun
because i'm running through rain
and jumping through puddles with you.
no more dreaded cloudy days...
instead, opportunities to explore and giggle
and slosh around in the mud.


and now i'm so glad i ended up buying these boots,
because all it took was a little elbow grease,
and i got them looking almost like new again.

i don't know what these would have cost me to buy you brand new.

but i was told by my friend that this is a good brand!

i hope that means they will last a good long time...

as long as the size of your precious feet will allow them to slip on.

and i hope the little monkeys will make you smile
exactly the way they make me smile when i see them.
your papa and i... we love monkeys.
we have a saying around here...
"monkeys are funny."
we're pretty sure you will grow to feel the same way.

when your mama goes out in the puddles to play with you,
these are the boots she will most likely wear...
her forest green bearpaw rain boots.
i have a feeling we will look so good together...
with our feet shod in waterproof comfort.
green and yellow.
mama and child.
i just can't wait.
and if my love for you is this great already
{not even having seen you face to face yet},
i can only imagine how much i will love you
by the time you are able to fill these boots.
and walk
and run
and play.


i just can't wait!

well, with just minutes to spare in the month of february,

i wanted to get in one last post for "a month of love".

i wanted to end it on a note about you

and the growing love i feel for you.

my vision of spending time with you

is becoming less and less of a blur

the closer i get to having you.

and even if not a clear picture quite yet,

through this lens of love,

i just know how much you will mean to me

all the days of my life.

cloudy

or

rainy

or

gray.

bright

or

warm

or

sunshine-filled.

i love you, sweet baby-b.

~your mama

share the...

so... i decided that a few days to celebrate love and acts of kindness in february is just not enough time for celebrating such a grand idea and concept. thus, i am deeming february "a month of love" here on this blog. {in fact, a month of love posts will get their own tags and gallery button in my side bar... including past february love-themed posts.} although valentine's day is past, i'm not one to be bound to what tradition says we should do when it comes to celebrating. {EHEM... christmas tree coming down two days after valentine's day... case in point}. after all, shouldn't love really be celebrated EVERY day of the year?

i thought of this idea after a few things that happened to me yesterday... i can not help but spread the love {in the form of writing about it} when these things occur. and plain and simple... i just did not get in enough heart-themed photos surrounding valentine's day! and hearts are EVERYWHERE lately. they are becoming the most popular symbol, it seems. see ya, peace sign! {*wink*}... oh, wait, that was "out" a long time ago, wasn't it?

anyway, for starters, i had to take some shots of the last two of four cookies my friend julie gave me when she stopped by for lunch last week {before they get consumed by a very hungry mama/baby duo}. aren't they cute? they make me wish i had made some sweets for v. day.

secondly, i had to write about an act of shared love i just experienced... when i woke up yesterday, i made my hot cocoa and sat down at the computer and logged in to find out there was a very special e-mail waiting for me.

it said this:

mae has sent you a $36.00 gift certificate that you can use for any class or workshop at big picture classes. you can find us online at http://www.bigpictureclasses.com...

mae also sent this message: would love to see you in picture inspiration. you will surely have much to do on your hands with the baby but at least the prompts are weekly, not daily! all the best!

enjoy your gift - we look forward to having you in class soon!

oh, my! how surprised and delighted i was! i had actually been wanting to blog about picture inspiration ever since i saw it announced on shutter sisters. i wanted to encourage all my readers to join, because if it is anything like my experience of the picture winter workshop that i was a part of, it will be awesome as well as inspiring and fun!

and now, not only am i writing to say you should join, but also to say "I'VE JOINED TOO!"... thanks to sweet mae. {i met mae through the picture winter workshop. and not to say that i had favorites there, but mae was one of the ladies i connected with the most.} how generous of her was that? how giving and how thoughtful and how sweet! i would probably not have joined, as funds are low and any extra money i have right now is going toward the baby room. but now i can still be a part of it! and she is right... the pace of a weekly prompt {instead of a daily prompt} will be so much better for me!

first i won a picture winter membership from tracey. then i was gifted picture inspiration from mae. this makes me so glad and makes me feel so LOVED! i'm truly grateful for the opportunity to continue to be a part of such a wonderful photography community.

speaking of photography communities, how great is the announcement of camp shutter sisters? i can not even tell you how badly i want to go to that! but i will have a less-than-six-month-old when it takes place, and i just don't know how realistic that would be. maybe next year? {*fingers crossed*}

anyway, please please please go sign up for picture inspiration if you have not already. you WILL NOT be sorry. tracey's inspiration is nothing short of her inspiration on shutter sisters or her blog. and it's a smaller, more intimate community. i highly recommend it... for what you will learn, how you will be inspired, the friends you will make!

it's funny, because when i first blogged about joining picture winter {or about winning a membership}, someone who i did not yet know {who i was not aware was reading my blog}, read my post and thought it sounded like a fun endeavor. so she signed up for the class. about a week into the class, she wrote and said, "hey, i just realized after seeing your photos in the workshop, that you are the one who got me to sign up for the class... because of what i read about it on your blog."

i'm so glad i could inspire and connect her in that way! i hope i do the same for you. if i am not mistaken, the price of the class has been drastically slashed. so i strongly encourage you to join!

okay... i'll be back tomorrow with more about love shared and love spread. i've got four more days to celebrate such things on this blog... well, with a heart-themed photo, that is. i'm certain that even long after february 28th, i'll still celebrate love... right on up through and past february of 2012.

have a LOVE-ly day!

this quieter love

"Love as distinct from 'being in love' is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else. 'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

~C. S. Lewis

{photo caption: two of the pages that contain quotes about love by c. s. lewis in one of my favorite books called the quotable lewis.}

. . .

i've never been too big on valentine's day. red is one of my least favorite colors, and the explosion of commercial red that is everywhere to be seen with the preparation of this "holiday" really gets to me by the time the day actually arrives.


plus, i've never liked to "be told" when to show someone i love them... or ask them for their love... or celebrate their love for me. i like to do those things on my own time... spontaneously. and so does my husband. so we rarely "celebrate" this day in the way that hallmark tells us we should.


but when you love photography and c. s. lewis's wisdom and writing and blogging and you are pregnant with an incredible love for a child growing in you and you are more in love with your husband than ever before, valentine's day becomes a wonderful opportunity to celebrate all those things... so that is what i am doing here today.


mr. b. and i have one of the most flawed marriages you'll ever see. he and i are some of the most flawed people you'll ever meet. but even with our shortcomings as individuals and as a couple, over ten years, we have come to know a love that i never knew i could. i'm so encouraged by the fact that, if allowed, love grows stronger and deeper over time. and it should. and if it doesn't, you have to question if there was ever love there to begin with.


b. and i have gone through a lot... are going through a lot. for all the great things i can say and share about him / us on this blog, there are almost as many difficult things i could write about. but i don't celebrate those things in and of themselves. i celebrate the fact that they are there and they cause us to love each other more each day by teaching us patience and long-suffering. but it is the good things i celebrate.


i'm so grateful for him. i've said it before here... this pregnancy has drawn us together like i never knew it could or would. and i laugh about it and call it hormones sometimes. but it's a deeper love i feel for b., now that we have made this little squirt together. don't get me wrong. there have been some reeeeeeally tough moments where we were "at each other's throats" {and i'll take most of the blame... i'm pregnant and hormonal}. but there have also been some tender, life-changing, bonding moments, too.


i had hoped not to ramble on... just let lewis's words say it all. but i feel like i have so much to say. in fact, i've barely begun. still, i'll cut this short{er} now and instead leave you with this video that my sweet friend jen {at hi kooky} once posted on her blog. i had always meant to put it on my blog for b's and my anniversary. but it works here, too.

this is where i hope to be with b. years down the road. {well, not at the mayo clinic... but making music together because that quieter love sustained us through thick and thin.}

the thing i love about what lewis says above is that it speaks to friendship in a marriage. and that is why what he says {minus the romantic part} could also apply to any relationship... friendships, siblings and other family relationships... even co-workers or relationships between church members. loving someone even when you do not like them... it's easier said than done. and you surely know it when you receive it!

happy valentine's day to all!

love... what "the good book" says

there are 788 verses in my bible {english standard version} that contain the word love. {no, i did not count them. i only know because i searched the e.s.v. online bible for verses about love for this post... that number is what appeared when i entered "love" in the search field.}

have you ever done a search/study on what the bible says about love? i haven't. i should, though. with this easy way of pulling up all the verses on love, i should go through and read each one... and when i do, ask God to really teach me about his love and how he wants me to love. if i had time today, i would. instead, i skimmed through them. but some day, i think i will go back and do just that... study them all. it would have to be a multiple-day study, i would think... being that there are 788 verses to ponder. {of course, not every verse with the word "love" is about love for God or love for others... i.e. proverbs 20:13 or 22:11. and many of the verses contain a form of the word, such as "lover". so i guess i would not have to study all 788 verses.}

anyway, i thought i would post the verses that stuck out to me today... verses to go along with the photos i created with my e.s.v. bible pages. {skip to the bottom if you don't feel like reading them all... or don't have time now.}

God's love for us:

{exodus 15:13}

you have led in your steadfast love the people whom you have redeemed; you have guided them by your strength to your holy abode.

{1 chronicles 16:34}

oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!

{job 10:12}

you have granted me life and steadfast love, and your care has preserved my spirit.

{psalm 32:10}

many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.

{psalm 33:18}

behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love...

{psalm 33:22}

let your steadfast love, o Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.

{psalm 36:10}

oh, continue your steadfast love to those who know you, and your righteousness to the upright of heart!

{psalm 40:11}

as for you, o Lord, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!

{psalm 42:8}

by day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.

{psalm 57:10}

for your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.

{psalm 59:17}

o my Strength, i will sing praises to you, for you, o God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love.

{psalm 63:3}

because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.

{psalm 86:5}

for you, o Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.

{psalm 103:8}

the Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

{psalm 119:64}

the earth, o Lord, is full of your steadfast love; teach me your statutes!

{psalm 145:8}

the Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

{david sure liked to celebrate the love of God! okay, enough from the psalms... there are so many good ones in there, but i need to move on to other parts of the bible.}

{proverbs 8:17}

I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me.

{isaiah 54:8}

"in overflowing anger for a moment I hid my face from you, but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,” says the Lord, your Redeemer.

{romans 8:35}

who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?

{romans 8:37-39}

no, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. for i am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

{hebrews 12:6}

for the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.

loving God or others:

{deuteronomy 10:12}

...what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul,...

{deuteronomy 11:1}

you shall therefore love the Lord your God and keep his charge, his statutes, his rules, and his commandments always.

{psalm 31:23}

love the Lord, all you his saints! the Lord preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.

{proverbs 10:12}

hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.

{proverbs 20:6}

many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?

{matthew 5:43-44}

you have heard that it was said, "you shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy." but I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,...

{matthew 5:46}

...for if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? do not even the tax collectors do the same?

{matthew 6:24}

no one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. you cannot serve God and money.

{matthew 22:37}

and he said to him, “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

{luke 7:47}

therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. but he who is forgiven little, loves little.

{john 3:16}

for God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

{john 13:35}

by this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.

{john 15:13}

greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

{romans 8:28}

and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

{romans 12:9}

marks of the true christian

let love be genuine. abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.

{romans 12:10}

love one another with brotherly affection. outdo one another in showing honor.

{romans 13:8}

owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

{1 corinthians 13:1}

if i speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, i am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

{1 corinthians 13:4-8}

love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. it does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. love never ends...

{1 corinthians 16:14}

let all that you do be done in love.

{colossians 3:12-14}

put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. and above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

{1 peter 4:8}

above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

{1 john 3:16}

by this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. but if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?

{1 john 4:7-12}

beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. in this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. in this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. no one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

{this last set of verses could also easily fall under the "God's love for us" section.}

. . .

i know this is a lot of verses. i don't expect anyone to read them all. i put them here mostly to remind myself {although, i would be happy if they served as a reminder or admonition to anyone else, too}.

i am certain i have so much to learn about love... so much to improve on in the area of love, both in love for God and love for others. i bet if i put many or all of these verses next to my bed to read each night, or read over them each morning with my coffee {or hot cocoa}, i'd be convicted of all the areas i fall short in, and/or encouraged to love differently or more throughout my day.

perhaps i will do that study after all... i can write each verse {or set of verses} out on a separate card, and keep them with me always to learn, ponder... even memorize.

i know one thing... with a kiddo on the way, i want to learn what truly loving God and others is. i want to love this child the very best i can with God's help. and also, i want him or her to see God's love through me {among other sources}.

that's my prayer for this valentine's day.

love is...

...when hubby splurges

and brings home haagen dazs strawberry ice cream for you,

even though you did not ask him to,

but he knows you so well,

that even when trying to call you from his cell phone

in the grocery store, but not getting through,

because you conked out on the couch watching "who wants to be a millionaire?"

due to the fact that you are a typically tired pregnant mama,

he still had a feeling you would appreciate

the creamy, strawberry, cold goodness of a pint of heaven

for a special weekend / valentine's treat.


...when a hubby says,
" 'strawberry ice cream is a pregnant woman's best friend.'
i remember you saying that.
months ago."

true love.

thanks, mr. b.

happiness is...

...when a friend whose parents-in-law raise chickens
meets you half-way between where you and she live

to give you two dozen free-range, all-natural eggs
because she knows you could use them.

...when another friend calls you and un-does unnecessary words from others

with sweet, encouraging, affirming words of her own...

words that build up instead of tear down...
without even knowing that just hours before, the unnecessary words were said.

...having people in your life who choose to share in your joy

during an exciting time for you...

knowing it will not be like that forever

and they only get one chance to enjoy it with you.

...finding a sweet little maternity dress at goodwill

for only three dollars... with sweet little white polka dots

on a lovely pink background.

...finding a brand new blanket for the baby room

at that same goodwill store

that is oh so soft and cuddly

and probably a fraction of what it originally cost.

...finding out your hubby does not have to work today

and can go to the city with you for your m.f.m consultation / dr. visit.

...watching the baby in your belly grow.

...feeling the baby kick.

...picturing the baby's face when he or she arrives.

...thinking about plans for valentine's day with the hubby,

cooking up something special and fun.

i went to bed last night and made up my mind about something. i am not going to let anyone squelch, steal, dampen or tread on my joy. i, like many others, have VERY difficult things in my life. but i also have SO MUCH to be thankful for and to celebrate. in fact, it is because of the difficult things, that i choose to be thankful for and celebrate the good... focus on the positive. there will always be at least one person in our lives who, though they could say the same, instead chooses to focus on their difficulties at the cost of mindfully or inadvertently choosing not to celebrate with you. where others build up and encourage, they might try to tear you down. they will resent that you are happy and that others are happy for you. they may not show that same happiness because of their own pain. if so, it must not dampen or snuff out your joy. you have to be intentional about focusing on those who would lay aside their issues for a time {knowing you have been there for them in good and bad times} and are able to be happy with you. i find that it is those who are able to be truly there for you in your struggles that are the same ones who will also share equally with you in your joys. and it is those people and my own joy that i will focus on when others would be hurtful. this blog is a place where i share my hurts and struggles and pain. but i also choose to show and celebrate my gratitude and blessings as well. and i will never apologize for being honest or transparent... especially when numerous people tell me they appreciate it. i choose photos and words to express things. and this is where i do it. it is the place i write about everyday real things... interactions with real people, private thoughts and happenings in my own home {obviously i don't share EVERYTHING... i use my own discernment and discretion}, joy, pain, the journey. like the subtitle of the blog says... "photographs, thoughts, surroundings, life". there will be people who don't like it... who resent it. but i cannot do anything about that. and i am not going to let someone quiet me from journaling and expressing it all.

and today, it is the little things {like eggs} and the bigger things {like thoughtful friends} that i am focusing on and thinking about.

off to another doc appointment in the city. so glad that, this time, it is not post-blizzard driving conditions. though very very cold today, the sun is shining and the roads are clear!

hoping you are all well and enjoying the things that bring you happiness today.

love is...

,

i thought i could write about love today. but i woke up and found i could not. it's too monumental of a word... too monumental of a subject.

there are so many facets to love. so many types of love. but because it is valentine's day, i'll focus on the romantic side of it.

i'll try my best to express what i've been thinking despite the fact that my thoughts are jumbled... i may not be able to define love specifically, but i can say i know what love is not. it is not beautiful jewelry or fine chocolates from far-away places. {although i am aware those can be expressions of love in the form of gifts.} it's not conditional... "i love you if you can..., if you will..., if you are..." it's just "i love you."

it's loving even if you have nothing to gain {or lose }. or even if you stand to gain or lose something.

and although passion is one aspect of romantic love that sets it apart from friendship or familial love, it is not love itself. no love will survive on that alone. this i know.

a couple of days ago, i tried to think of some words that, to me, describe love {of any type }. four words immediately came to mind. and these could apply to all types of love... not just romantic.

the words are...

steady.

pursuing.

unmistakable.

considerate.

love is steady -- consistent and unwavering. love is pursuing -- always chasing. always. love is unmistakable -- you will know without question when it is present. love is considerate -- would not do anything hurtful or would do anything to undo a hurt once it's been done.

i also tried to think of a way to describe it in the context of an act of love.

love is laying your head down next to the one you say you love, and in their most difficult hour, asking, "what can i do for you these days?" and then doing.

that is how i have known love as of recently.

i could write more, but why would i when someone who writes far better than i, can say it much more eloquently... c. s. lewis to be exact.

"love as distinct from 'being in love' is not merely a feeling. it is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced {in christian marriages } by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. they can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. they can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be 'in love' with someone else.

'being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. it is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

{~from mere christianity }

i would venture to say that most people have heard the well-known verses from first corinthians recited at least once at a wedding...

"love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

there is a reason these verses are commonly read at weddings. they are not meant to enlighten us or to describe love. they are meant to instruct us. and if there is anything i need to learn, it's how to love. i'll be the first to admit, i do not have it down. and if you don't believe me, ask my husband. {*wink*}

there's been a lot of confusion swirling around in my mind and heart for a long time. life is hard sometimes. there are difficulties that put strains on marriages and would threaten to break them apart. {as well as on any type of relationship.}

but a steady love... a steadfast love... hopefully is what keeps them together. same for friends. same for parents and children.

this valentine's day, my husband and i got down on our knees and prayed that God would save our marriage -- not because it's valentine's day, but because that is where we are at. we prayed for children too. perhaps you don't believe in God, but we do. and we are clinging to our faith right now.

i have friends and family who are struggling in their marriages. i also pray that their love is restored and is better than it ever was. i have friends and family who are still waiting for that kind of love to enter their life. i pray for them, too. i also pray for the some i know who have gone through a break-up or divorce. my mother lost my father, her life-long love, when he died just a few years ago. i know she still misses him beyond words. i pray for her, too.

i'm not saying i equate love with marriage. i know there are people who choose not to be married and can still know and give true love. i'm just saying, i know valentine's day isn't always the easiest day for some people. life really is hard sometimes. whether it is or isn't for you right now, i wish you love... of any kind. whether you know it or not, i wish you love and more of it.

well, i just thought i would share the things i've been thinking about these past several days... things that have been on my heart.

i wish you all a happy valentine's day.

objects of my affection

i'm not much of a sweet tooth... at least not your normal sweet tooth. i don't usually enjoy many of the typical sugary things like cakes or donuts or cookies or pies.

but i love these four sweet pleasures... chocolate ice cream {any brand will do, but this one is my favorite }, oberweis lemonade {has to be oberweis... it is as the bottle says... "simply the best"}, peanut m&m's {see another shot here } and soy green tea lattes from starbucks.

do you see the faint heart shape in the foam of the latte? i swear, that was purely coincidental. but i love it! serendipitous, if you ask me.

happy valentine's day tomorrow! i'll have one more love post... this time with a lot more to say than my past nine love posts. so, today, i'll keep it short and... well, sweet.

by the way, what's your favorite sweet pleasure?

i love you.

The Four Loves, chap. 1, para. 2-3, 8, pp. 11-12, 14-15

"Divine Love is Gift-love. The Father gives all He is and has to the Son. The Son gives Himself back to the Father, and gives Himself to the world, and for the world to the Father, and thus gives the world (in Himself) back to the Father too.

And what, on the other hand, can be less like anything we believe of God's life than Need-love? He lackes nothing, but our Need-love, as Plato saw, is "the son of Poverty." It is the accurate reflection in consciousness of our actual nature. We are born helpless. As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness. We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.

...A very strange corollary follows. Man approaches God most nearly when he is in one sense least like God. For what can be more unlike than fullness and need, sovereignty and humility, righteousness and penitence, limitless power and a cry for help? This paradox staggered me when I first ran into it."

~C. S. Lewis

waiting for spring

"love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain."
~ william shakespeare

i used this photo of spring blossoms to go with today's post at shutter sisters. you may have noticed in my first two "ten days of love" posts that i created a little heart out of the leaves or flowers {with the magic of photoshop }. but this time, the leaf in the photo actually was heart-shaped. so no fancy manipulation needed.

i left the house at 8:00 a.m. for work yesterday, and did not arrive back at my doorstep until thirteen hours later. very long busy day. and long commutes, just like i anticipated. so i had no time to post, and i missed a day of my "ten days of love" posts.

oh, well. i'll just have to post twice today. the sun is out. the roads are being plowed as i type, and i'm hoping for a shorter day and time to work out tonight {since i had to miss it the last two nights }.

wishing you love and hope today. hang on! spring is on the way! have a happy day!

o love, o fire!

i've not read much tennyson, but i liked these few lines. what about you? do you read much tennyson?

i had a very long day... one of those days where everything at work that could go wrong, did go wrong. i had to stay late to finish the things i could not get to earlier in the day, as i was busy trying to put out fires instead. so it's a short and sweet post tonight. another for my "ten days of love".

we are supposed to get one to two feet of snow. yikes! i think this will be a long week. busy at work. long, snowy commutes. it's only monday and i'm ready for the weekend.

well, i hope your week is off to a better start than mine. stay warm and safe if you live in these parts and are bracing for snow!

excerpt from the four loves {chap. 2, para. 14, p. 33.}

"need-love cries to God from our poverty; gift-love longs to serve, or even to suffer for, God; appreciative love says: 'we give thanks to thee for thy great glory.' need-love says of a woman 'i cannot live without her'; gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection -- if possible, wealth; appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all."

~c. s. lewis

there is a pleasure in the pathless woods

there is a pleasure in the pathless woods,
there is a rapture on the lonely shore,
there is society, where none intrudes,
by the deep sea, and music in its roar:
i love not man the less, but nature more,
from these our interviews, in which i steal
from all i may be, or have been before,
to mingle with the universe, and feel
what i can ne'er express, yet cannot all conceal.

~byron

i thought so...

love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get -- only with what you are expecting to give -- which is everything.

~katherine hepburn

• i posted this quote and photo last night.
• i woke up and realized i have more to say.
• you all have been very giving lately.
• i've been sort of absent in your worlds.
• i want to say i'll be there soon.
• i don't want you to think i expect your visits, but i'll not return the favor.
• i've just only been able to find it in me to "get stuff out there" here.
• but i know if i visit you all, i will find so much inspiration and encouragement, as well as opportunities to encourage you.
• so know i will be there and am looking forward to it.
• thank you for being the kind of people who will give support and love even if there is nothing to gain... without looking for anything in return.
• with valentine's day close-by, i decided to do a "ten days of love" series... ten posts about love.
• i don't think i'll ever know the true definition of love, but there are a lot of good things written about it out there that make you think. so i'll be sharing those with some photos for the next 10 days.
• i've never read the four loves by c. s. lewis from cover to cover before -- only excerpts or chapters, and that out of order. but i like what i've read thus far, so i decided that by valentine's day, i'm going to read the whole thing front to back.
• i'm sure you'll see some quotes from the book over the next several days, as he is probably my favorite author.
• i hope you have a lovely day.
  

love

"need-love cries to God from our poverty; gift-love longs to serve, or even to suffer for, God; appreciative love says: 'we give thanks to thee for thy great glory.' need-love says of a woman 'i cannot live without her'; gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection—if possible, wealth; appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all."

~c. s. lewis, from the four loves, chap. 2, para. 14