why i feel like throwing in the towel

throwing in the towel

so, i sit here and write through my tears. tears of feeling deflated and defeated. not tears for anything that matters in the big scheme, of course. they're not over something that is life-altering or world-changing.

but they are a result of something that cuts to the heart of me. as i write, i realize i might be speaking prematurely, because i'm not even sure what is wrong at this point.

all i know right know is that, as of tonight, my camera doesn't work. my little contraption that is so very big to me. that thing i use to speak with {because i speak in pictures} and sometimes listen with, too.

my heart feels crushed.

i know that is so silly. find any number of blogs on the internet that write about injustices or hunger and poverty in various places all over the world... even right here in my own country. or watch the news and see stories of people dying in other countries because they are there doing work they believe in and somehow got in harm's way... like the story of the young diplomat from my neck of the woods who was killed in afghanistan recently and whose funeral was held today. or stories of moms who will lose their infant to a terminal disease. those are things that matter and should bring tears to ones eyes. not my silly camera busting.

but i still sit here crying. because i have a gig for a photo shoot at the beginning of may... something i was so excited for and haven't even mentioned on this blog yet, for fear that talking about it would make it fall through or burst into thin air as easily as one of isaac's bath bubbles does at the lightest touch of his tiny finger.

and because this is all wrapped in what i so badly want to do with my life... at every level. creatively. personally. professionally. communally.

crying, because i have felt discouraged about my photography lately to begin with... like i'm not growing. like i don't have what it takes. discouraged because friends and family who i would have thought might ask me to take photos of their family or important life events ended up going with other photographers who are either already established or, like me, have recently jumped in to the photography business {even though, in some cases, an interest was expressed for me to do the shoot}. discouraged because sometimes when i do take pictures for a friend {without charging} because i was asked to, i don't hear even as much as a "thank you!"... let alone an "i love the pics!"

crying, because i just recently wrote about this lens {which i think is what failed, and not the camera body itself} and how getting it is what allowed me to jump in and do the photography-business thing... finally. and the thought of possibly losing it only exacerbates all the above issues surrounding my photography and desire to get a business going.

sad... because oh how ironic that just a couple days ago, i should enter a contest to win a lens that is slightly better than the {broken} one i have, but i have no real hope of winning due to the fact that one-bajillion other people entered the contest too, and the odds of me winning are very small.

sad... because, in my disappointment, i also posted the above photo on facebook—the last photo i squeezed out of my camera before it went kaput—along with a caption that said, "so sad right now. was taking pics of brac holding isaac after bath time tonight when something broke... either the camera or lens. not sure which. not good. =( at least i like the final photo i got." i did so for a little encouragement, i guess ...{not so others would feel sorry for me, but rather that they might simply chime in with an "oh, sorry, girl" or something similar that would lift my spirits}... but got none little {which i was grateful for}. it's just that the little i did get was for-the-most-part not from people i would have expected to chime in... like other photographer friends who surely would feel discouraged if it happened to them, too. all of which made me realize that either very few facebook friends were on it tonight, or people care more about banana bread and whether or not you put butter on it {i had posted something about that the night before and got about fifty responses} than they do about the one device that your livelihood and income hinges on. or else they are tired of seeing photos of my son {which wouldn't surprise me, because people have actually publicly said in so many words that i post too many photos of him}, and thus passed right on by it because they thought, "oh, just another photo of isaac... nothing to see here." so i'm sitting here thinking, this sucks. and i can't even commiserate with anyone about it. {mr. b is in bed at this point, so the option of whining to him is out.}

yes. i'm wallowing. yes. i'm feeling sorry for myself. i won't stay here. but sometimes you just can't do anything but. and it's not even that i'm feeling sorry for myself. i'm just disappointed. big time. i don't have a lot of nice things. and i honestly don't even need a lot of nice things. and even if i did, i wouldn't want them right now anyway, because nice things tend to get damaged around here, living with a toddler {which is not a sly way of saying he is the reason my camera broke, because he had nothing to do with it}.

all i want, materially, is to have a nice lens {which i got a year and a half ago} and for that lens to stay nice {i.e., working}.

i'm sad, because i was just starting to feel like i'm ready to take my photography to a new level so as to get out of the artistic rut i've been in.

sad... because, without my lens, i can't capture the things i am desperate to capture about this ever-changing beautiful boy in my life.

sad... because this is a photography blog, mostly. and a journal, too... one that i use my camera to record and document in.

sad... because now i can't continue my project life 365 {which i was sucking at anyway, so what's the point?} and i don't even have an iPhone and the camera it comes with {which i've wanted for so long} to pick the project up with where my dslr left off.

sad... because i wonder if using my camera for personal use {i.e., this blog} is even worth it when, judging from the amount of the comments i get {which are many if you include the 95% that are spam and never get published}, no one is reading anyway.

sad... because {as far as i can see}, there are about 736 other bloggers out there {who aren't even blogging as pro-photographers} that have cameras/lenses that are four or five times more expensive than mine which they bought with money earned from their ad-ridden blogs upon reading the advise of another like blogger, telling them to get and use a really good camera because it will make their blogs look more professional... even though their goal is not to be a professional photographer, but rather to be a lifestyle blogger that takes professional-looking photos {big difference}... and they blog about their perfect home and perfect offices that are all freshly painted bright and white and are all filled with the same perfectly on-trend white eames rockers and sheep-skin throws and rustic ikat rugs, with photos of their perfect bodies that look nothing like bodies that recently birthed the first, second, third or fourth babies they photograph in the most perfectly adorable on-trend triangle-motif clothing with the most perfect cameras. {yeah, that's right. all kinds of bitterness coming out right now. but it's real. i'm not sugar-coating my frustrations today.}

sad... because {from a professional standpoint} if there was a better time for this to happen, it would have been at the end of outdoor-photo-shoot-season when i would not have needed the camera so much anyways... instead of in the spring when warmer weather would be bringing out potential clients.

sad... because i was already having a rough day and dealing with disappointment and brick walls in my paths before i even started taking the pictures of my husband holding my son after bath time. and i did not need this {mechanical or electronic?} breakdown heaped on top of it all.

sad... because i was already feeling like i don't have what it takes to be a photographer... like i'm not good enough. like i don't measure up or compare to all the seventeen zillion other photographers that are out there who already have 1,274 likes on their facebook business page.

sad... because my office is a mess due to an avalanche of reasons that i won't even bother getting into, and thus, i can't find the manual for my lens, nor can i find my old kit lens to test on the camera body in hopes that such a diagnostic test would tell me whether the problem is in the body or in the lens.

sad... because i don't have a car during the week, so i can't go to a camera shop and have them look at it, which means i'll have to sit here for three more days and wonder what the problem is... helpless.

sad... because we don't have the money to drop on a new lens if this one is beyond repair or will cost more to fix than a new one, and even if we did, i'd use it to buy paint in order to finally paint this office so that i could start putting things away in here in a fashion that is organized and allows me to find things i need in situations such as these.

sad... because if anyone is even reading this, some might see it as a whiny cry for attention {which it's not} instead of an honest outpouring of what is actually on my mind and in my heart... disappointment and frustration and helplessness.

sad... over the way the state of such a small piece of plastic and glass can have such an effect on one person... even the person's family, if that piece of plastic is meant to fuel their income.

yes. still wallowing.

i know everything will work out at some point. in a twist of irony, i found two quotes as i was dismantling piles in my office in a feverish attempt to find my old lens... two quotes that helped me just a sliver. not enough to stop crying. but enough to keep me from getting hysterical. the first was one that has been way overused, over-printed and over-commercialized, but it helped me anyway. "keep calm and carry on" it read. it was on the cardboard packaging of the shower curtain i purchased for our bathroom shortly after we moved into our new house... a curtain which reads the same. thinking about it now, i have to wonder why i would have kept that silly package. i could see keeping the outer 8x10-ish plastic pouch, because it's like a clear, durable envelope that would come in handy for keeping paperwork together {which must be why i found it in the office, of all places, tonight}. but to have kept the cardboard insert seems strange... except that i can't really see it as strange as much as i see it as serendipitous. that little wedge of hope that made it's way into my bummer-of-a-night really did help me a little. i quietly told myself "seriously... you have to keep calm because, though this sucks bigtime, it really will be okay, and you have to keep going with your photography. somehow. some way." surely, other photographers experience equipment breakdowns... even at the most inopportune times like me, right? and i have to assume they didn't just throw in the towel. not if they were deep-down passionate about pursuing it like i am. so i can figure this out.

how ironic {more irony... you have to love more irony} that this shower curtain resides in the room where i last used my camera {before it hit the skids}... just to the left of where i took my last shot.

the other quote i came across was on a little wood sign that i had purchased last year. it says "the most important things in life... aren't things."

hmmmmm. well, tell that to my bank account, mr. sign!!
and to my client for the photo shoot that is less than a month away, for that matter!

i wanted to throw that thing across the room when i found it! but then i remembered the previously mentioned "sign" i had unearthed just minutes earlier and its advice to stay calm. so i didn't.

but it's true, that little quip. and secretly, it did help me a little. after all, i aspire to be like my mother in many ways, and here i had just gotten through writing about how i admire that she does not place value on earthly things, but instead esteems people as valuable and worthy.

so i couldn't very well get all frantic and ticked and mad at the world when my sweet boy and husband were close-by.

a side note that i'll include so that i can relive the sweet memory some day when i come back to read this post again... at one point as i stood in the middle of my office frustrated and overwhelmed, isaac came in and hugged my leg and started singing twinkle twinkle little star... his new favorite song. i just know he sensed i was very sad and down, and this was his way of comforting me. nothing like it had ever happened before. it's sobering {and incredible} to know that he's reached an age where he can detect and determine my emotions. i knelt down to hug him and thank him for that. he saw tears in my eyes and said "mama sad." i said "yes, isaac. mama's sad."

that's when i took the message on that silly wood sign to heart. this is the most important thing. he is the most important thing. not that camera. not taking pictures of him {or anyone else}. but this guy.

of course, i'd be remiss if i didn't acknowledge that growing my photography business is very much for him. more so than it is for me. if it was just for me, i'd likely stop and just take pictures as a hobby or creative outlet. {all the fun, none of the work, right?} it was when he came along that i knew i wanted to get serious and turn my passion into a living.

i'm not like a lot of photographers out there that can dive in full-fledge right off the bat. i have had to do this on a very scaled and delayed schedule. and saying so is not a complaint, because it actually works out great, given the tasks i juggle as a mom of a young one. i guess i just find myself frustrated that, even with my totally modest and conservative go at this {business}, i still have to experience this setback.

i'm very frustrated... more than i've been in a very long time.

i think the crying part is in the past {as of this point in writing my post}. likely, what's next is just being mad. or cynical.

but i'm not throwing in the towel quite yet. i only feel like it.

i'm trying to see the bright side... now i can focus on posting photos from past shoots that i never got around to organizing, overwhelmed by the volume of photos there are to sift through... or even personal work i never got around to posting. maybe this means i'm now meant focus on getting a professional web site started... get serious about it all... get to the un-photography parts of the photography business.

or maybe it's God's way of telling me to get my house in order before i continue on in pursuit of photography. {he's been trying to tell me that in so many other ways already, but i hadn't really been listening. maybe this is the one thing that will get me to finally pay attention to him. i'm still trying to figure out what proverbs 31 looks like in my life...}

here's what i know. i'll go to a camera shop on saturday when i have a car. i'll cross my fingers for good news and hope that it's a minor problem that can be fixed with little to no cost.

if it's not a minor problem and things are not resolved by may when it comes time for the photo shoot, then i'll rent a camera and lens. or borrow someone else's.

and i'll pray.

and hope.

and maybe inwardly cuss a time or two.

and i'll look at the two signs i unburied tonight, which will henceforth hang on my wall to remind me not to become unraveled over all this.

and i'll post some oldie-but-goodie photos.

and i'll go off of facebook 'cause i don't feel chatty anymore... especially not about banana bread. and certainly not about my camera.

and i'll look at this photo i took of isaac and mr. b tonight... possibly the last photo i'll take for a while...

and i'll treasure them both.


Andrea said...

Georgia, don't throw in the towel. I feel the pain of not feeling good enough compared to the others that gets lots of likes on FB and lots of comments on their gorgeous blog photos. I totally know how you feel. Hoping family and friends will want you to take their photos and then go with someone "better" or more professional... Oh we could talk and cry for hours friend.
I don't know how it feels to have the camera or lens break. But man oh man I'd be beside myself if it did! I couldn't afford a new lens or camera.
I don't know really what I'm trying to say, but please know that I feel for you.

georgia b. said...

thank you, andrea. you are sweet. and as you were one of the ones who commented on my facebook post, i knew you felt my pain. =)

so nice of you to share. i know all of us photographers go through these stages, experiences and emotions that you and i share. so i don't type this as though i am the only one. i type it because i needed to vent and because i know others go through it too, so i know i'm not alone in saying or feeling these things... and that sort of makes me feel like i have the freedom to say them.

ughhh... yes, i'm sure we COULD talk for hours. and how i would love to... to finally meet and sit over a cup of something warm and delicious!! maybe some day we can. i love hanging out with other photographers. i wish i could do it more.

thanks for your kind and sympathetic comments. ~xo

Leanne Barnett said...

Very frustrating, hope it all works out. My fingers are crossed too that you find it's just a minor problem xx

georgia b. said...

thank you, leanne. =)
i'm crossing fingers and hoping with you.

Amanda said...

I always think your photos are gorgeous! Very inspiring and lovely all around. You have a real eye, so don't doubt yourself. I know what it feels like to be frustrated, and I'm very sorry you're having a hard time. I'm experiencing a lot of what you talked about here, so you're definitely not alone! I hope things look brighter tomorrow.

georgia b. said...

thank you, amanda. i didn't write this in hopes of getting compliments about my photography, even though i know some people will view it that way. i did know that i could express these things and they would be understood my others who are going through the same type of doubts and frustrations... especially photographers. so i appreciate your comment and encouragement. it's not the first time i'll go through this. and i'm sure it won't be the last. but it is the first time i've been this expressive about it. i'm okay with that. i'm not always on cloud nine when it comes to photography and or the photos i take. so i'm okay with sharing all the parts... the cloud nine stages and the really low stages. thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Rochelle said...

OH man, that really, really stinks G!! There are no words, I'm just so sorry and sad for you. :( I know how much that camera is a part of your life. For the record, I saw the banana bread post but missed the photography one on Facebook. Try not to take it too personally - unless you're on Facebook 100% of the time, you just miss some posts. I would have said something if I'd seen it. Just know that my heart breaks for you and I am truly sad. Not just for you but also because at some point I was hoping to get you to take some maternity shots of me [later though, when I'm bigger!]. I'll be praying for you that this works out soon - all in God's timing, and that He will give you peace and surprise you with the answers in only the way that He can. I'll come back and finish reading the post later, but I just couldn't go another moment without chiming in. Love you so much, dear friend. Going through some super duper hard stuff over here that makes my heart break too, so I am right there with you. It may not feel "important" in the world, but it's IMPORTANT to you!!! And that's okay. It's part of you. Thanks for being real and honest here, sweetie. Everything's going to be okay, I'm just sure of it. :) God is good, all the time!!

Jean said...

So sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is when you have found something that is "you" and now it's gone. How crushing and now the list of everything that you have been handling day to day is now, Ugh!!! I have those time when the list of "me" rises to the light of day and it's way more than any one person would want to take on. It's that one thing that sends all the spinning plates crashing. Your office must look like mine...
I was recently blessed with being able to get a new camera through selling an old point and shoot and a video camera and adding credit card points. I feel unworthy. I don't know much about all the abilities of it and here you are without. If I was close by I would surely lend it to you!!
I hope you get good news at the camera shop.
Maybe take another go at facebook and post a need to borrow a camera for a month that someone has idle.
I love your photography - it make me smile and feel part of your beautiful family.

georgia b. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
georgia b. said...

what thoughtful comments, ya'll. thanks, most recently roe and jean.

roe, i totally understand about fb. i'm not taking it personally in that sense, because i know there are cases where someone saw one thing, but not might have been online the next night and missed something else. that happens all the time with me, so i know it's bound to happen with others, too. and like i said in my post, it could just mean that not many people were online that night... maybe some popular t.v. show was airing or something. it's just that there was such an overwhelming response to my seemingly trivial banana bread post, but hardly anything to a post about something so important to me. i do realize that the more people that see and comment on a post, the higher it rises in the feed... so that just spurs on even more traffic. so i might have just posted about the camera at a bad time when not many people would notice. it's just that it didn't help any, 'cause i really could have used the external encouragement while i was down in the dumps. it was fuel to the fire. i don't personally hold it against any one person. i just am frustrated, because i often chime in when others post about something difficult or upsetting and try to encourage them. when it doesn't feel reciprocated, it makes you want to go offline and stop making an effort to be an encouragement. i do trust God. like i said, if anything, it's his way of getting me to listen to him, so i know he's not going to let me flounder if he knows being a photographer is one of the desires of my heart. but i also know that my own lack of obedience in areas he's trying to teach me will block me from being blessed in the areas i want to flourish in. so that's why i wrote this post.... a sort of david-esque psalm, admitting my frustration and sadness, but also rejoicing that i know God is in control, no matter if this is a minor fix or a big one that is out of my control and won't allow me to continue this thing for a while.

oh, and i would LOVE to do some maternity shots. same for pics at your shower.

jean, thanks for your thoughts about my photography. again, i'm not looking for anyone to reassure me that my photography is good, because whether they say so or no, i'll go through periods of self-doubt... just as anyone will. and i whether they say something good about my photography or not, i'll still keep going on in photography and not throw in the towel. if that wasn't the case, then my post might be about seeking affirmation and praise to boost me back up. but those things have never been what kept me going. they help. and they feel good. but even without them, i will keep going {and have}. thanks for your ideas about solutions. i think i'll first just find out what's wrong, and then go from there. we'll see...

thanks for your lengthy and thoughtful comments, all. i honestly do appreciate it. like i said, it does help. =)

Rochelle said...

I definitely need to go back in soon and read everything you said entirely. I'm sooo sorry if my response came across as if you weren't trusting God through it or as if I was being mean or something. I totallyyyy relate completely, i can't tell you how many times i've felt the same way about something. i get so tired of feeling like it's so one-sided so often. i was just trying to reassure you with what i preach to myself when i deal with that too, lol. :) i loved your sharing and being real, so thank you for that. i would never want you to feel badly for being honest and open here, i really hope i didn't mistakenly come across that way (!!). :( I feel totally sympathetic to how you are feeling. i wish there were more words i could say for that to appropriately come across. i feel so completely discouraged and going through the thick of the mire right now, i just want to crawl into a hole and hide. just know that i love you, get you, totally feel for you, feel very similarly, etc.

and p.s. thanks for the offer but my showers seem to all be falling apart right now, so who knows about that, but i'll keep you posted when the dust eventually settles. blarg. so discouraging.

georgia b. said...

nooooo, roe. you didn't come off as mean or telling me i'm not trusting God at all. you came across as encouraging. in every way. i just wanted to show how i agreed with you and point out the points in my post where i did whole-heartedly agree!!

that said, i'm sorry you are feeling similarly. these last few months of pregnancy can be tough ones. i remember. it's really hard to cope with the hormones and emotions and physical pain and exhaustion. you want to be excited, but your just so ready to get things over with and meet that baby finally. so anything added on top to that period is just that much more difficult to cope with. i sooooo remember that. if your shower is falling apart, then i personally will hold one for you, 'cause i want to celebrate you and that baby!! please keep me posted.

much love to you. try to celebrate this time as much as possible, even when it's hard and you don't feel others doing so with you. and know that i am celebrating with you. again, thanks for your words of encouragement. <3

beth said...

it's okay to be frustrated and to feel sad and to cry...you wouldn't be real if you didn't!

who knows why this happened now, but i have to believe that everything will be okay.

i wish i was close by...i'd loan you my extra camera and a lens to keep you going this week...to keep a smile on your face and no moments missed.

camera stores are really good in my experience....and i know they will do everything to get you all fixed up :)

big hugs !!

georgia b. said...

thanks, beth. i hope the stores around here are the same. i hope i can find one that is helpful without charging too much just to look at it or send it out. just hoping it doesn't cost more or almost as much to fix as the lens cost to begin with. if it does, i may as well save my pennies and start putting money toward upgrading both the lens and the body. thanks for "giving" me permission to be frustrated and feel sad and cry. =)

sharonheldman said...

i am free tomorrow. if you want to go tomorrow, i can come and take you. and just for the record, i have consistently told you that i think you are already an awesome photographer and i mean it. (is there any kind of warranty on that lens?)

georgia b. said...

yes, mom. you have consistently told me. and so have others. it wouldn't matter... it's not whether or not others think i am. it's whether or not i feel like i'm good. sometimes i do. but sometimes i compare to others and i don't think i'm good. and i go through major self-doubt. so you could tell me every day, and i'm still gonna have times like this. but i'm okay with it, 'cause i think others do too. i'm already better today. i was just feelin' blue and it made everything else seem much more monstrous in my eyes than it normally does. in other words, things that normally wouldn't phase me {because i've got my lens and my ability to create} were bothering me because i was focusing on them and turning small negative molehills into mountains. =)

i'm already better today, and i got so much done on the office, so there is a bonus in all of this. motivation and extra time!

i'll call you. or e-mail.

Photoholic said...

I am so so sorry for you Georgia! I know how it feels. I wanted a camera for 2 or 3 years(a dslr) and got an old one as a present last year. I was soooo happy and filled up my computer and memory cards with photos of everything (even useless pictures :) ). But then one day my camera stopped working even when I changed batteries and tried everything! I was devastated for a few days (I can't afford a new camera or lens either)but luckily it started working again. Now I always take extra care of it and start stressing when it takes too long to switch on. I know all this won't help you sorry :S but it's just to show you that I fully understand how you feel!
If this makes you feel a bit better, I always read your posts! If I ever missed one I would go back and read it and I enjoy re-reading your old posts from when you were pregnant with your adorable son. I started my own blog thanks to you. I don't know if you remember, but when I just started out in the blogging world, I was using my little point-
and-shoot and used to send you emails or put comments on your blog asking for photography advice and asking you about photoshop tips. You must have got tired of me haha,I'm sorry :) But thanks to your tips, and tips I then looked up on the internet (which you
advised me to do), I'm now the little photographer of the family :) Always taking the easter, christmas, parties,etc photos! My pictures don't always turn out great (well, they
are much better than what I use to take a few years ago) so I know what you mean when someone doesn't say anything about your pictures when you give them to him/her , or
complain about too much blur even though there isn't written "photographer" on your
forehead, you are just taking them for fun. (this happened when I took pictures at my grandad's 80th. Everyone had point-and-shoot cameras with them, and since I came with my dslr, they all put a lot of pressure on me to take great pictures. In the end, they
complained that some where to blurry, or too dark, or there wasn't enough of them).
Oh I'm sorry this comment is waay to long! Anyway, just remember that I always read your posts even if I don't comment a lot. I love your blog cause it's the first blog I ever followed and you and your life is so normal and natural (not this perfect/rich/super expensive camera/ perfect family blogs that are all over the internet and that I always skip cause they are so fake and boring). I understand completely how you feel and I wish you all the best and hope you get your camera repaired for cheap and that you continue inspiring us and taking pictures of your beautiful family and just taking beautiful pictures in general! (ps. I still wonder how you take such beautiful pictures :D). I wish you and your family all the best!

georgia b. said...

thank you so much, photoholic {sorry, i forgot your real name... it's been so long}. =)

i appreciate all your words and encouragement. i'm glad to know you got a better camera and it's been working well for you. i just went to your new blog to check out some of the photos, and i can see it is serving you well!! yay. nice to hear from you today. thanks again. i truly do appreciate your comments.

Anonymous said...

I understand about feeling ignored by people you thought would comment on things but comment on others. Hang in there things will work out for you. I love everything you do. But I am only me no one who can help with much but send my words and praise to you about all the wonderful things you do. If it weren't for you, i would never have any of the wonderful pictures of the girls you have take.
Don't get down on yourself, things will work out for you.
At least you know people care about what you do.
:) Julie T.

georgia b. said...

thanks, jules. i hope you know you are not one of the friends i was talking about when i said i took pics for free without getting a thank you, 'cause you have always been very clear that you are grateful and appreciative of the photos i took. and i appreciate it so much, too! thanks for the nice words. i'm grateful to have people like you who DO care about what i do!!!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there sweetie. I know you didn't mean me. though I was very sad(with myself) when I was reading your blog the first time and could have taken it the wrong way but didn't. I hope all works out ok with your lens.
I have a friend who has a blog her name is Shannon Heimsoth. She is a photographer person too. Her business started like yours. She is a stay at home mom now to. She was Angie's kindergarden teacher. Very sweet. Her Site is call Shannon Joy Photography.(I think) Go to my facebook friend and check her out.
She also has allot of different blogs and sites she goes to there an her page.
Love you girly, You are always my first choice for a photographer.
Julie T. :)

Amanda Kelley said...

Your work is great! Don't stop! I want to thank you for posting this entry. I read it word for word. I have been in this same place more than once.

georgia b. said...

thank you, amanda!! thank you for reading each word. sometimes i regret putting the most honest parts of my heart out there, 'cause i wonder if it will turn people off. but i'd rather be honest than putting on a show that it's all just peachy all the time as an artist and someone who invests time and energy in other artists. thanks for reading... AND encouraging me to keep going.