i saw this over at emma tree...

{"this" being the list below }, and it reminded me of my recent post called {a different self-portrait } i am..., but with a twist, so i thought i would try it. a few in my list are similar bits to what i said in my self-portrait post, but there are some new things, too.

as i said, i saw this on emma tree {which is probably my favorite name for a blog ever }. you must stop by to read hers, too. she's got the best photo to go with her delightful list!

i know i've been doing a lot of self-portraits lately... either photographically or in verbal form. but that is just sort of where i am at in my life these days. introspective. searching. trying to get at the bottom of why i am the way i am. so i'm doing a little more looking at myself... at the things i chose not to see for a while. one of the things i'm learning to do with my counselor is to try to see myself differently than i always have... to not repeat the same pattern of thought that i've viewed myself in for years. it's been very freeing.

anyway, i love these kind of tag or chain posts... where you sort of fill in the blanks, but also get a chance to be creative with your writing a little. {like this one.} it's a way to still be expressive even when you don't feel the energy or connectedness to completely write all on your own.

some of it's just fun. all of it's just me. nothing too serious. here goes...

i am...
very hard to describe.

i think...
too much.

i know...
i am loved by others more than i love myself.

i want...
a polaroid sx-70,
an iMac {with a quad processor },
an s.l.r. camera,
children,
a puppy
... not necessarily in that order.

i have...
tauri.

i dislike...
gossip.
{more than anything!}

i miss...
my father.
my youth.
singing in a choir.

i fear...
being eaten by a shark.

i feel...
at this minute pretty good,
except for some slight pain in my chest...
{doc is making me go get it checked out,
so you don't need to scold me,
plus, i'm sure it's just stress.}

i hear...
the train.

i smell...
nothing at the moment.

i crave...
simplicity.
touch.
french fries.
interaction.
chocolate.
rest.
validation.

i usually...
procrastinate.

i search...
for good deals.
answers.
for something to photograph wherever i go.

i wonder...
what ever happened to the red-head
i befriended at camp as a child.
she was my first kindred spirit.

i regret...
holy cow... do you have an hour or two?

i love...
the best i can,
with fault,
but with everything.

i care...
what people think of me
{probably too much }.
now that i think about it,
that's not really care.
it's selfish wasteful time spent.
that's more "i worry"
instead of "i care".
i need to work on caring about something better...
something more productive.

i am always...
bursting to create.

i worry...
so much less than i used to,
but still more than i need to.

i remember...
oh, goodness.
sometimes i'm sad that i can't remember more.
let's see.
i remember
feeling completely content
at my 25th birthday party
on the beach in lake forest
on a beautiful fall day
and wishing that the day would never end.

i have...
the best friends in the world.
i really do.

i dance...
to the bee gees in my living room,
in the aisles at the grocery store,
and like i'm the only one in the room at weddings.
{remember i said above that i care
what others think about me?
that's the one time that care
goes out the window.
play some good music,
and i just have to dance!}

i sing...
better than some,
worse than others,
but with the voice that made
my papa proud.
{oh how i'd love to sing to him today.}

i don’t always...
hmmmm....
anything i should do always,
you can be sure i don't.
i'm very undisciplined and spontaneous.
not rigid at all.
to a fault.

i argue...
rarely.
just with one person.
the one who knows me the best, probably.
and it is lessening over time,
for which i am grateful.

i write...
the only way i know how,
but i read words of so many
and wish i could write the way they do.

i lose...
at least one sock every time i wash socks.

i wish...
i had been a dancer
or concert pianist
or florist
or interior designer
or singer.
am i wasting a wish?
should these have gone under my
"i regret" category.
let me rephrase.
i wish to be something someday
that brings me as much joy as it can...
something that makes me feel
like i'm not going to work,
but instead just makes me feel
like i'm doing what i was created to do.

i listen...
to classical radio on the way to and from work.

i don't understand...
how black holes work.
{way too sciencey for me!}

i can usually be found...
at my computer in blogland
or at sbux picking up a green tea latte
or rummaging through treasures
in an antique store or thrift store
or watching the office with b. at 10:00 pm.
or out taking pictures of something.

i am scared...
of sharks.

i need...
a vacation.

i forget...
the wrongs that have been done to me...
eventually,
even if it takes me some time,
but hopefully right away
more often than not.

i am happy...
{i hope you have another hour}
when i'm taking pictures.
when i'm listening to schubert.
when i feel content.
when b. rubs my legs.
when there is at least one smooshy fry in my fries.
when i wake up from a nap.
when it's over 80 degrees outside.
when it's not cloudy and gray.
when i'm watching a cary grant movie.
when i feel safe and secure.
when i drink green tea lattes.
when i see someone helping someone else.
when i get to help someone else.
when i have a good idea.
when a wrong is made right.
when i learn something new.
when i make a new friend.
when i spend time with an old one.
when i witness forgiveness.
when i see my sister's dog
{who makes me feel like the only person on the planet }.
when i accomplish something i set out to do.
when i make someone's day.
when someone gives me something vintage.
when shutter sisters posts one of my photos.
when i think of my dad's jokes and his laugh.
when my mom tells me stories about my dad.
when i get letters in the mail.
when i roll in the grass and act like a kid.
when i make cheesecake.
when i hear, taste, see, smell or touch
something that brings back good memories.
when i climb into freshly washed sheets on my bed.
when the sun awakens me.
when i play hilarious games with my family or friends.
when someone takes the time
to read my blog and comment on it.
when my sister calls me just to talk.
when i find money in the pocket
of a coat i've not worn in a while.
when i smell a fireplace
burning wood on a crisp autumn night.
when i pay my bills on time.
when someone tells me i'm creative.
when i go bowling.
when i figure out how to do something.
when i'm laughing.
when i hear b. laugh about something
with his brother that only those two understand.
when someone tells me to be gentle to myself.
when the sun awakens me.
{yes, i said that one twice.}
...

{you should do this, too. it's been spreading around blogland, and it's quite fun. it makes you think about some things you might not otherwise. and it's a fun way to let yourself be known. let me know in a comment if you're going to play along. i'd love to come read what you write.}