monkeys and puddles and sunshine... oh, my!

dear baby-b,


if you were old enough to read right now,
you'd know that i recently deemed february
"a month of love"
on my little ol' blog.
and the day i did it,
i had a big plan to write to you the next day...
all about love.


but then something happened the night i was to write this to you.
i spent the evening with your great-grandmother,
and so much happened with her,
that i was not able to fit in my letter post to you.
in fact, in the days to follow, i couldn't even start it.
but that had more to do with something completely besides
the fact that the night with your great-grandmother
threw me for a complete loop.


it's why, even though i have had three days
since i last saw my grandma,
i still have not been able to write.
it has to do with the fact that i have entered
some sort of new stage in my pregnancy with you.


i'm not quite sure how to describe it,
and i don't even know if it's a common phase for all pregnant women.
i just know that i am definitely under something
that is undeniably slowing me down.


i've sort of been describing it as some sort of brain fog.
difficulty focusing and concentrating
with a significant fatigue and exhaustion that accompanies.
and just a general sense of feeling behind
and overwhelmed with all there is to do
in preparation for you.
but before i turn this post into a letter about brain fog,
i'll just leave it at that
and get to the real reason i wanted to write to you.

see these boots?
they are yours.
though i don't yet know if you will be a boy or girl,
when i saw these boots for sale in a thrift store for $1 a couple weeks ago,
i could not pass them up...
they tugged at my heart's strings far too strongly.
i might have been dissuaded by the fact
that they won't fit you for a few more years yet.
or by the fact that they were quite scuffed up.
or by the fact that i don't know what your gender is yet.
{although, the last point is not a very big deal to me,
as i think these sweet monkey boots could work for a boy OR girl.}


but the low price for something i had a feeling was a quality product
with such whimsical monkey faces
on a cheerful, bright yellow background
was too good to pass up.


anyway, here on this little bench they sat...
day after day after day.
each day, i would walk by them while making my way
to and from one end of the house to the other.
and at first, every glance their way made me smile.
but after a while, i thought less and less of them,
as they quickly became part of the furniture...
that is, until one day {last friday}
when i walked past them,
and i realized they were just the bit of sunshine
that i really needed to see that day.

you see, it has been so cold here this february
{with the exception of a day or two of warm temps that melted all the snow}.
but worse than cold, it has been cloudy for so many of those cold days.
and being the sun-lover that i am,
this really wears on me after a while...
when i can't see the sun or feel it's warmth
for long periods of time,
even on the coldest of winter days.
and it had me pretty bummed friday morning
to wake up and see yet another cloudy day.
i think i literally said out loud, "are you kidding? another cloudy day?"
as soon as i awoke and looked out the window that morning.


i remember thinking, "man, i just really need a ray of sunshine right now."
and shortly after having thought that,
i walked by your little boots again.
i realized then and there... this is my ray of sunshine!
not just because they are bright yellow
and so adorable, you can't help but smile...
but because they represent something.
they represent a future with you.
a vision of cloudy days being full of fun
because i'm running through rain
and jumping through puddles with you.
no more dreaded cloudy days...
instead, opportunities to explore and giggle
and slosh around in the mud.


and now i'm so glad i ended up buying these boots,
because all it took was a little elbow grease,
and i got them looking almost like new again.

i don't know what these would have cost me to buy you brand new.

but i was told by my friend that this is a good brand!

i hope that means they will last a good long time...

as long as the size of your precious feet will allow them to slip on.

and i hope the little monkeys will make you smile
exactly the way they make me smile when i see them.
your papa and i... we love monkeys.
we have a saying around here...
"monkeys are funny."
we're pretty sure you will grow to feel the same way.

when your mama goes out in the puddles to play with you,
these are the boots she will most likely wear...
her forest green bearpaw rain boots.
i have a feeling we will look so good together...
with our feet shod in waterproof comfort.
green and yellow.
mama and child.
i just can't wait.
and if my love for you is this great already
{not even having seen you face to face yet},
i can only imagine how much i will love you
by the time you are able to fill these boots.
and walk
and run
and play.


i just can't wait!

well, with just minutes to spare in the month of february,

i wanted to get in one last post for "a month of love".

i wanted to end it on a note about you

and the growing love i feel for you.

my vision of spending time with you

is becoming less and less of a blur

the closer i get to having you.

and even if not a clear picture quite yet,

through this lens of love,

i just know how much you will mean to me

all the days of my life.

cloudy

or

rainy

or

gray.

bright

or

warm

or

sunshine-filled.

i love you, sweet baby-b.

~your mama