how you know you're loved

dear isaac,

i just wanted to let you know that there are a couple ways {and hopefully hundreds more} that you can be sure your dad and i love you very much. you see, there are certain things both of us never do... never did... or at least, not until you came along, that is.

first, let me just start by saying this... i love french fries! {so far, you love them too!} you will soon find out how much they are a staple comfort-food of mine, if you have not already. in fact, i love potatoes in any form... pancakes, fries, wedges, mashed, baked, twice baked, tots, chips... etc. i'm slightly obsessed with eating potatoes. but i have to think that it's more than an obsession, and really about my biological make-up needing something that potatoes offer... potassium perhaps?

anyway, i had french fries often while i was pregnant with you. but it wasn't a pregnancy craving. it was just a normal, run-of-the-mill georgia craving. i could eat french fries every day, i think!

and of course, there are some i love more than others. these fries pictured are from culver's. they're okay. they aren't bad by any means. but they're no portillo's french fries {one of my favorites!}. you were with me when i took this picture. remember? it was you, me and grandma eating lunch together. i shared these very fries with you. grandma thought i was crazy for taking a picture of sticks of potatoes... for bringing my camera into culver's in the first place. but in my mind, i had already started writing this letter to you, and i needed a photo to go with it.

well... all this just to say, anyone who knows me well knows that when there are french fries within my reach, i have a class system by which i eat them. first of all, no matter what else i am eating fries with, none of it gets touched until all my fries are gone. there is nothing worse than a cold french fry. and cold anything else is much easier to stomach and far less a shame than a cold, formerly-delicious-and-perfectly-good french fry. so i eat them all until they are gone before anything else is even considered.

second, i carefully examine each fry to deem just how good a fry it is. in my opinion, it is the slightly crisp-on-the-outside, mushy-on-the-inside fries that are the very best. i call them "smushy fries". for some reason, those taste the very best to me! i seek those ones out and eat them all up first. after that, i find any that don't have blemishes or burnt marks and eat those. finally, if i'm still really craving salty goodness, i will eat the bottom-of-the-barrel "rejects".

so here's the part where i explain how you can know just how much i love you...

if anyone has ever been around me long enough to share a meal with me that entails fries, they will know that i don't share my smushy fries with anyone. not a one... not even your dad. {of course, he is not as big of a french fry freak as i am.}

but when you came along and finally became old enough to eat solids, that little rule went out the window. here's the thing. in the beginning, i thought i was just being a responsible mom... looking for the softest fries so that you could nibble on something that was easy to bite through with your few teeth and to gum on without it being a choking hazard.

after thinking about it, though, i'm not so sure it is entirely about responsibility. i'm thinking i do it because i love to give you the very best that i can... in everything... even right down to the silly ol' smushy fries on my plate or in my bag.

i "love" them. but i love you {for real} that much more. and whether it's smushy fries or something far more significant or valuable or meaningful, i delight in sharing the best of the best with you. in fact, i could see giving you every single primo fry!

it might seem silly. but that is one small way you can know just how much i love you.

then there's dad {speaking of nibbling}...

let me just tell you... dad is not a tickler {except when he tortures tickles me}. but you brought out a side of him i probably never would have seen otherwise... the playful gobbler side. of course, it's not that he would go around gobbling any kid he sees now. but my point is that he wasn't even this way with nieces or nephews before you came along.

now?... now he gobbles you all the time. and it's one of his surest ways to show you that he loves you. you can bet on it! {i can just hear him now, when i look at the photo below... "num, num, num, num, num, num!" i can hear your helpless laughter, too.}


i'm not sure how many years dad will continue to gobble you. but you can bet money on it that i will share my smushy fries with you until the day i die. in fact, maybe some day the tables will turn, and you will be sharing your smushy fries with me... when i'm old with few remaining teeth and need to gum my food like you.

i am pretty sure i would like that.

i am absolutely sure that i love you... like one-hundred-million-billion-zillion smushy-fries-worth.

~ your mama