a letter to anonymous

dear {and i use that word very loosely } anonymous,

i read your comment today... the one you left on my most recent post.

you wrote:

"i just don't get this type of blogging. why would someone post a lengthy 'me, me, me' post for the entire world to read ~ and more importantly, why do complete strangers waste their time reading these posts? (I skipped to the bottom after the first couple if items.) There are a million and one better things you could be doing with your lives, people, get off your behinds and get out in the real world! Where have all the great photos gone? Think it's time to un-bookmark this blog. Bye-bye."

i was almost shocked. then i was almost hurt, which almost made me cry. then i was almost speechless. after that, i was almost angry.

but one thing that i was NOT almost was feeling sorry for you. i also was NOT almost sure your comment was cowardly. and that is because i AM 100% feeling sorry for you and AM 100% sure your comment was cowardly.

and here is why. you are either someone who does not know me and are what is known as an internet troll. or you do know me on some level -- either personally or through blogging -- and you wanted to say something that would hurt me. i say that, because if you did not set out to hurt me, you would have said your opinions in a more constructive way. either way, you did not identify who you are, and anyone can say anything if they don't mention who they are, because they have nothing to lose and will not be criticized... at least not personally.

it's funny that you should write what you did, because i had second thoughts about publishing my last post. as i was writing it, i felt that it might come across as "me, me, me", or that i might seem like i was just fishing for attention or saying "look at me. look at me". and as i don't want to come across that way {because i am not that way }, i was reluctant to post it. still, i went ahead and put it out there, and the reason i did was because i realized that when i read the posts of other bloggers who have done that same exercise, i did not find myself thinking that they were self-absorbed, "me, me, me" kind of people.

i just saw them as being expressive. there are so many ways to do a self-portrait as an artist. singers do it. painters do it. writers do it. photographers do it. even little children who are doodling do it... freely and innocently, because they have no fears of judgment and generally feel comfortable with who they are.

while i don't claim to be a great or even a good artist, i do claim to be an artist. and i do claim to be expressive. and i've stated many times here, that i realize i am an open person and probably have less filters and guards than many. i tend to be transparent. i feel free to express and be honest. i could say a lot more about myself, but what i do choose to write, i try to keep positive or helpful... helpful in the sense that even if it is less than glamorous, it's something someone else can relate to. and i've been told this countless times by constructive people who come here to read.

perhaps you haven't been reading all my posts lately. perhaps you don't know that i've been in a great deal of pain. perhaps you don't know that i've been hard on myself because of the pain i'm in, blaming myself for being in that pain. so my attempt to look at myself, look at the positive things about me and look for why i am the way i am and why i've done the things i've done starts with recognizing certain things about me.

i thought of not responding to your comment, because i felt that would only give you undeserved credit and recognition -- recognition you don't deserve if you are not even brave enough to identify yourself. so i thought of simply pasting your comment in a post and then letting my readers respond to you instead. they would have had some choice words. maybe not all of them. maybe some would have agreed with your comment and have even felt like leaving a similar comment of their own.

but i would like to think most would at least agree with me that your comment was worded spitefully and far from constructively. some of those people might still think that i should not waste my time dignifying your words with a reply. i thought about that. but know i am not dignifying anything you said. i'm pointing out your silly, childish way of getting a point across. it's not just to you. it's to anyone who would leave a comment like this.

i had too much to say to not respond. and i think a lot of bloggers out there who have blogs that are even slightly similar to mine may have the same kinds of thoughts and questions and apprehensiveness when it comes to blogging that i have, so i'm going to say what i have to say.

of course, you've un-bookmarked my blog, so chances are, you will not even read this. but i really hope you do. i'll now reply to each sentence you took the time to write to me with some words of my own.

you said, "i just don't get this type of blogging." good for you for being honest about not understanding something. i would venture to say that if you asked 100 people if there is something they "don't get", 100 out of 100 would say there is at least one thing they don't understand. so that comment did not surprise me one little bit. and you know what? there are a lot of things out on the internet that i don't get, including certain types of blogs. but you know what else? those places never sent me an invitation saying, "what i have to say is the most important thing in the world, and you should come read/see what i'm saying/displaying." and even if they had, i would not have gone. it's a free blogosphere. there are no dictators forcing you or me to read anything we don't want to.

and furthermore, i've never once invited someone to read or visit my blogs. i have links to them on my facebook page, but never once have i asked a single soul to go look at the things i write or the pictures i take. but i've always been completely open and willing for anyone to see them. i just don't mind. if i did, it would be highly pointless to have a blog in the first place -- especially this kind of blog. so not to sound rude, but i never invited you to stop here and read. i'm not sure how you even discovered my blog. the ways you could have are numerous. that is not the point. however you did, you supposedly bookmarked it at one time, which leads me to believe there must have been a point at one time where you found it worth visiting. i just don't know.

but i never started this blog with the mind set that all who happen upon it would like it, appreciate it or understand it. that's about all i have to say to that sentence.

then you wrote, "why would someone post a lengthy 'me, me, me' post for the entire world to read..." well, you are not me, so you can't know why i would do that. i could tell you that i enjoyed it when i saw someone else post the same, and how i thought it would be fun to do as well. i could also point out that i referred to many others in my post... family, friends, other online sites, even strangers. i believe who we are is made up of who we've ever known and let into our lives. so writing about me is an extension of all those people. your point was posed as a question, but was actually a judgmental jab. and all i can say back is, why not? is that so wrong? not once in the post do i say "i am awesome" or "i am the center of the universe, and you should bow down and worship me".

it was simply a get-to-know me post for the actual friends i've made in this blogging community. and yes, the last "i am happy..." section was, as you put it, lengthy. but everything in that list was my expression of gratitude for the small things in life that bring me joy. i hardly think that is "me, me, me". i could not possibly list the things that bring others joy, because i don't know their hearts. but i could list the things that bring me joy all day long, because i am the only one who knows what those are. i did not write that for you. i did not write that for anyone who comes here to read {although i know some people appreciate it and may even benefit from it.} i wrote it for me! as an exercise in gratitude. i'm truly sorry you did not see that.

next you wrote, "and more importantly, why do complete strangers waste their time reading these posts?" hmmmm... you've just insulted my readers. i'll let them reply to your rudeness. {by the way, just because i've never met most of my frequent readers in person, it does not make them complete strangers. i consider them real friends. you only get to see the comments they or i leave. but you do not see the e-mails of encouragement that have been written between us. you do not realize that real friendships have been established.} what a sorry, sad thing for you to say.

when next you wrote, "(I skipped to the bottom after the first couple if items.)", if you were referring to the comments that others left, then i'm glad you skipped to the bottom. those people left those comments for me... as a means of conversation and dialog with me. not you. i recently went to a blog that had the comments turned off. this person wrote in her sidebar about why she does not have commenting turned on. i thought she had some valid points. she said she writes and takes pictures just to be artistic. she does not need or want the feedback and she does not like "comment fishing" {which is when people leave comments on other blogs just so those bloggers will come visit their blog and comment too }. i understand that. but on the other side of the coin, ask ANY one of us who blogs. we will be honest and say, it feels good when someone leaves a comment that is constructive and encouraging. you'd have to be made of cardboard for it not to feel good, especially when it is a sincere comment that engages dialog. it truly is like a conversation with a friend.

okay. we are getting closer to the end. i have some words about this, your longest statement of the bunch: "There are a million and one better things you could be doing with your lives, people, get off your behinds and get out in the real world!" how right you are. i could be saving lives. i could be finding the cure for diseases. i could be cleaning up the rubble from recent earthquakes. i could be working at a soup kitchen for the homeless. i could be volunteering at an orphanage. i could be ridding my hometown of litter. the list is endless. but you know what else is endless? the list of "a million and one" worse things we bloggers could be doing with our lives. in fact, i'd even say that the latter list would be the longer of the two if either list ever did end.

not that two wrongs make a right. but i happen to know that things i've said here have helped a person or two. they have told me so. and if i help even just one person, if i brighten the day of even just one reader or make them smile, if i make someone think and ask themselves something they might not otherwise ask, if i turn anyone on to the beautiful sounds of the music i write about, if i cause one soul to want to buy a camera because they see how much fun i have with it, then i consider it all worth it. all of it! phooey to you if you can't see that side of it. you don't want to.

and i just have to say, i find it almost hilarious that you would say "get off your behinds and get out in the real world". bahahahahah... i have to assume that you read my post and commented on it in a very similar position to that of the position that i am in right now -- seated, upright, forearms extended over a desk and keyboard, eye-level with a monitor. i simply can not picture you writing your choice words while out in the field farming, or in calcutta feeding the poor, or at a humanitarian benefit giving a speech, or giving your child a bath, or visiting your grandmother in the nursing home, or even just reading a book or cleaning your house. your statement was highly hypocritical. and seriously laughable. i'm sorry. i tried to be nice through this whole thing. but i got to this point, and i just can not help but chuckle and point out your ridiculousness.

okay, here we go. this is where i get downright miffed. how does one even reply to "Where have all the great photos gone?" first of all, i've never once claimed my photos are great. i don't even think i've said they are good. i think they are. and i like most of the photos i post. even if not one other person likes one of my images, i like them. your little question {which was once again just an insult posed as a question } is nothing more than an attempt to hurt me. i can not for the life of me figure out why you would want to hurt me. if we have never met, perhaps you have a blog and i offended you there somehow. i don't possibly know how. i always try to leave thoughtful and sincere comments. or maybe you have a blog, and i have not reciprocated the level of involvement on yours that you have on mine.

or maybe you don't have one, but if not, i think you should. i think you should enlighten us all with your blog about what proper blogging is, about what kind of blog everyone will "get", and last but not least, how to take "good" photographs. ughh! seriously?!?! maybe you were commenting strictly on the photograph that i put in my last post. if so, you got me there. i can honestly say, it's not one of my best, most significant or most moving photos. how 'bout the one two posts below that? did that move you? maybe not. but it moved me beyond words. and THAT is why i took it. and THAT is why i posted it. and THAT is why i wrote about it. not for you. not for praise. not to win an award. you could not be more correct... you absolutely do not get this kind of blogging.

perhaps you are someone who knows me personally. i was not aware that i had any enemies. i was not aware that i have any acquaintances who would say something so spiteful. but i guess you never know. i'm certain that all of the people i care about would not have written this message.

so that just leaves a stranger... someone who is lonely and has nothing better to do than to be mean and tear people down. someone who is unhappy. if you are those things, that makes me sad. i know what it is like to be lonely and even unhappy. but i could truly never leave a comment like the one you left me. not even anonymously. i just don't see the point in putting something like that out there. it's so counterproductive. you could have inspired me to be a more selfless blogger... more outward and helpful... less "me, me, me". you could have done so with just a few changes of words and a complete change of tone. but you chose to tear down. i choose to build up. and i choose not to give an ounce of weight to what you wrote and i choose to stick up for people who are brave enough to write and blog and express and take photographs that are clearly amateur.

if you are nothing more than a troll -- not a term i came up with, but very fitting -- and you only go around leaving comments like this to stir up cyberspace, i have no words for you. you'll never stop what you're doing, because you see no harm and probably find it enjoyable.

almost last, but not least, you said "Think it's time to un-bookmark this blog." if you truthfully had my blog bookmarked in the first place, i say i'm sorry to hear that. had you stuck around, you might have seen me grow and mature into what i desire to be... outward, loving, helpful, giving, supportive, difference-making.

finally, you wrote, "Bye-bye."

bye-bye.