forty photos from this day... ten years after 9 | 11

this was a day that was bitter-sweet.

though ten years have passed,

i think we all felt the bitter again... or at least remembered how it felt...

to have a dark cloud of fear and utter bewilderment

about what happened on 9 | 11

hanging over us.

i remember immense confusion...

even for those of us who were miles and miles away from ground zero.

through the images and reports, we were all right there.

in some ways, it all seems like a blur.

 

every channel and every page today is a blatant reminder.

still, with tears, it is difficult to see clearly through it.

but watching all the coverage on this tenth anniversary

did not just vividly bring back the horror of that day...

it also brought back the brightness of the heroism, strength and unity that was displayed.

and so it was a reminder of what people are capable of

and what they will do.

in tragedy.

in a great hour of need.

i felt hope in spite of the awfulness again.

and that uncanny similar blue up above was less of a reminder to be sad

and more of a reminder to be hopeful.

to be at peace.

this bird soaring up above was quite cool to see... reminding me of the freedom

that came under attack, but could not be taken or destroyed.

it was one of the first things i saw on a walk today.

but more on that later.

though i cried once again

and felt pain and questions resurface,

i felt and sensed so many good things today as well.

gratitude.

resolve.

pride.

compassion.

love.

like i said, it was a day of bitter-sweet.

we knew full well that there would be remembrance of 9 | 11 everywhere we looked.

and so we were prepared for it.

expecting it.

even welcoming it.

ready to be immersed in reminders of how shocking this day was in 2001.

ready to grieve all over again for all who suffered so greatly.

ready to grieve again for this nation.

personally, 9 | 11 affected me deeply.

i am a crier.

and i take things really hard.

my emotions can run really deep in difficult times.

and though i was not right there in the midst...

though my life was not directly affected by the attacks,

it took me weeks to stop crying.

it took me days to calm down and not feel fear.

today, i remembered that well.

fear gone, but tears returned, i could not turn away from the constant coverage.

and this time, i was struck by stories that ten years ago

would not have struck me in the same way.

this time,

it was the stories of mothers

who lost their husbands to the attacks

while they were pregnant...

forced to give birth to children who would not have their fathers there too.

today, i saw the photographs of those babies {now grown} as i sat held my own,

and i cried for them.

for their moms.

for those fathers who never knew those children.

that was what was different this time...

it hit me the most of anything today.

but today had its share of lighthearted leisure and amusement, as well.

the husband and son i hold tighter today

were excited for the new season of chicago bears football...

their opening game of the season.

there was anticipation, excitement and merriment, too.

while father and son watched the game,

complete with fan garb and football snacks,

mom watched the 9 | 11 coverage...

grateful that she had them in her life... in the other room.

 

and the bears won, on top of it all!

not just won...

they won by a lot!

woo hoo!

it seemed trivial to celebrate a game win on such a day.

but just as the network reminded those who were watching,

football is american... it's one of our favorite pastimes...

one small way we can celebrate our freedom and show patriotism.

so we celebrated that.

 

and then to top off a win by our team,

it was an absolutely beautiful day!...

it was just like ten years ago, only warmer...

too beautiful to waste by being inside all day.

so, after the game, we decided to go for a walk...

mr. b, isaac and myself.

it was another "sweet" on this bitter-sweet day. 

{i took some pictures. i know... surprise, surprise!}

 

mr. b pushed the stroller so that i could snap those pictures along the way.

isaac?... well, he just sat there looking all sweet...

looking all around,

looking up at the trees,

 

looking up at his mom and dad...

even looking at the insides of his eyelids.

and we stopped a time or two to take a closer at him.

we stopped to caress his chin

as our own way of saying, "we are so grateful for you...

we love you and will never take the fact that we have you for granted."

foot tickles say that, too.

 

  

stopping now and then allowed me to get some clear photos.

attempting to take the photos while walking was not so successful...

  

but you know how much i like blurry pictures, so that's a good thing in my eyes.

daddy was nice enough to break his stride so that i could focus.

sometimes i was lucky, and was able to focus even while in motion...
but just on the wrong thing.

not that mr. b's strong arms are not a worthy thing to focus on.

  

in fact, a blurry issac being pushed by his focused father's strong arms...

i like the effect!

anyway, we walked and walked and walked some more...

little isaac going in and out of a nap.

we walked through neighborhoods that are as quaint as they come around here,

stopping here and there to "smell the roses"... or take pictures of the berry bushes,

  

{half the time, i was lagging way behind from stopping to "smell those roses"}.

 

then we're off again... 

and we're stopping again...
gotta play with the restless native who needs some attention. 

and we're off once again.

  

up and down streets.

i shoot upward...

then downward...

 

through sun and shadow...

  

past homes who displayed their own patriotism and pride by displaying the flag...

  

resting weary feet here and there...

 

happening upon sidewalk art, trying to decipher what it is

{what do you think?... butterfly or flower?}...

 

stopping to watch little critters...

 

under cool canopies of green that provided some shade.

 

on such a warm day, it was a long way to go.

but we eventually found ourselves right back where we began.

 

same spot... just different icing.

what a lovely walk it was.

what a perfect way to let the images from the television

sink in and be etched the way they needed to be,

but with new images that should be equally etched... and more.

cherished.

later on, grandma {my mom} stopped by

to see her favorite baby grandson.

yet another sweetness to counter the bitter of the day.

she got him doing some tummy time.

as you can see, it wore him out.

so grandma let him rest.

 

but it was too late.

he was not too happy that he had to work on such a relaxing day,

and he was sure to let her know it.

he loves his grandma, though, so he eventually came around.

they played together until he got sleepy, which was when grandma went home.

all in all, it was a good day,

and little isaac {the latest bears fan in this household}

was plum-tuckered.

this day was bitter.
it was sad to think of what this date will forever carry.
sadder to think of how some will never get over or through it...
never get back what they lost.

but this day was sweet, too...
in the healing of knowing of what can be overcome.
even more healing to think about what we have right now to be grateful for.

and so i have no list today.
just forty photos to mark this 9 | 11
and where we are
these ten years later.