time travel

everything in our lives seems to be in limbo right now. and if not in limbo, then dissolved. if not either of those, then uncertain. it's not a great place to be. but it's not the worst, either.

still camera-less, i find myself frustrated that i cannot just grab my camera at any time and get pictures of isaac. or of mr. b helping me paint the giant wall of paneling in the living room. or of the emerging buds on the trees just outside our living room window.

so instead, i dig around in archived folders for gems that i'd forgotten about. photos i honestly didn't even realize i had.

i don't spend much time on the computer these days. funny how that camera was the link between me and my computer. without it, i have less reason to get on here. maybe that's not quite true. maybe it's just less incentive. like i said a few posts back, i speak in pictures... and listen too. getting on the computer is just a painful reminder that i don't have use of my camera, so i've stayed away from it.

this is a blessing when i look at it the right way. i've accomplished things around the house that i had been putting off pre-death-of-a-camera.

oh, that camera... that little hunk of plastic that has me wrapped around it's little shutter. i found out it could cost up to $300 or more to fix my camera. {and also found out it is, in fact, the body, and not the lens.} the shutter actuations count just over 84,000. not really a big surprise, knowing how many photos i take... just of isaac alone. the camera shop i spoke with said nikon estimates an average of 50,000 actuations for the d40 before it goes bad, so i guess i got lucky to get as far as i did.

i just can't find the sense in pouring money into a camera that has reached its life expectancy only to have it break down again, you know? but also can't see buying another entry-level dslr like the one i have, as i planned to eventually upgrade from the current camera i have to something better in hopes of getting more serious about my photography business.

and that brings me to my feeling stuck conundrum. i don't have the money to upgrade. well, don't really even have the money to repair... we would likely have to charge it. but for an upgrade? yikes. we really don't want to be incurring debt when we have recently worked so hard to pay it off. and even if i find a good deal on one, it wouldn't feel like a good deal by the time we were done paying interest on the camera because it was purchased on a card.

sigh. what to do.

meanwhile, i sit here in frustation, longing to pick up my camera to snap something i see {which is often with this little character we live with}.

to mask my frustration, i pretend that my camera still works, but i set it down intentionally out of discipline to work on things that have been shoved aside for so long.

one of those shoved-off-the-to-do-list items i am currently working on?... FINALLY going through my 2009 florida photos to make an album. yes... you heard me right... 2009. it seems silly 'cause we have taken a trips to florida since then {in 2010 and 2012} on which i took better pics with a better camera... so why should i bother with such an old set?

well, it sort of bothered me that i never got around to sorting and processing them all. actually, i had processed several shortly after we got home from the trip for the first of what was to be many posts in a series. but i didn't finish. we went to florida again the following year. i got pregnant just months later. had a baby. went to florida again. lost interest in silly 2009 photos. yada yada yada. {oh, and lest any of you reading think "well, how can you reconcile mentioning financial struggles while writing about vacationing to florida in the same post?"... these are trips to florida courtesy of my generous parents-in-law who graciously open their small condo to us.}

anyway, lately i've been spending a bit of time in the folders... and so glad i am. i have found some images in there that i like quite a bit! knowing i took them with an old {non-dslr} point-n-shoot canon sort of restored my faith in myself as a photographer. they aren't fancy photos. but there are some good ones in there, which reminded me that it's not nice cameras that makes a photographer good. it's the photographer. and the eye the photographer has. my husband and i were talking about this a bit the other day. i've been told i have an eye when people come to know my photography. and i feel like i do, too {or hope so, anyway}. i just need to become trained in some skills and knowing my camera the best i can so as to meet that eye... and hopefully then i'll be creating exactly what i'd be beyond happy to create.

gosh... did not intend to ramble today. just getting somethings off my chest, i guess. anyway, i'm looking forward to creating some posts {or albums} of my 2009 florida photos. though we traveled there again the next year and three years later {which is the trip the above photos are from}, it was not the same dynamic... not even the same people. i'm traveling back in time to fill up this almost void-of-time stretch of not having a camera i'm going through now... laid back florida style. will be posting some other things from the archives, too.

but i'm not sure it'll be too soon. other things have risen... namely, us three are hangin' out enjoying one of the few things we feel is constant, consistent and certain right now... each other.

we're dancing in a circle of three in the middle of our kitchen to the bee jees' hit, stayin' alive, while we wait for dinner to finish. and making trips to the library to find brand new adventures in books we've never even heard of. and painting rooms while we play with our cars and watch every dvd about trains we can get our hands on. okay... those last two are isaac, and that first... well, that's just mr. b and me. although, we do give isaac a "fake" paint brush to help us with from time to time. but the point is, we're all together. inseparable. i love that word.

since we are all enjoying each other so much these days {maybe because i'm a little more present without a camera??... no comments from the peanut gallery, mr. b!}, i thought i'd use these photos of us for my post. 

for that, and for the fact that we are all three dreaming of getting down to the sunshine state together at some point!! hopefully soon!

cheek water

these are some old photos... i think about a year old. one of the benefits of having a non-working camera is that, instead of spending time taking and editing new photos, you can use that time to go back into ancient folders that were long forgotten and look for old gems to post. better late than never.

i barely edited these shots... because, honestly, i didn't really want to change the mood. i thought they were perfect, just as they are. i mean, i realize they aren't perfect... not like the perfection that some photographers put out there because they wouldn't dare share their imperfect work. first of all, if i'm gonna be real, i have to admit i'm sort of tired of "perfect" photography {if that's something that actually exists}. but secondly, i enjoy looking at in-the-moment photos much more than i do the perfectly staged ones. i guess created moments in staged photos have their place. but i just get bored with looking at them after a while. not only that, but i think trying to create them is exhausting, as well. so my personal goal as a photographer {when i have working equipment again} is to never slip into a trap of feeling like i have to create a moment. i only want to find moments... and then, click away.

the moment captured above was one of my favorites. isaac had just learned how to climb onto our very tall bed. he loved {and was fascinated by} cell phones at the time. i had been in the bedroom taking pictures of the recent makeover i gave it {in our old house}. mr. b was chillin' on the bed, enjoying a rare moment of uncharacteristic neatness in that room... one in which the bed was actually made for a change.

when i saw how much fun they were having, i had to turn my attention toward them. makeover photos could wait. i've seen a lot of dads who are such good buds with their kids... especially with sons. but i don't know if i've ever seen a father-and-son buddy-ship quite like the one my husband and son have. likely, this is only because i'm close enough to them to see their relationship on a level that i wouldn't be able to closely witness in other families. so i'm fairly certain that there are many similar bonds elsewhere. but i still like to think that they are among the closest of father-son duos i've ever known.

last night, isaac and i had to say goodbye to the mister, as we drove him to the train station where he would board a chicago-bound train to meet his brother so they could leave on an early flight this morning. their mom is at home in florida, recovering from open-heart surgery, so they both took a couple days off and hopped a plane to see her.

we sat at the kitchen table over dinner last night, and the downer mood that had been building up in me all day {at the thought of his looming departure} finally morphed into tears that first welled up in my eyes and eventually leaked out down my face. what got me was when isaac went to sit in his dad's lap after he finished eating. i was glad he did so, because that's something he rarely does while we're still all at the table. being that we had to leave for the station right from dinner, it gladdened me to see them spend some quality time together before mr. b had to leave.

it made me happy and sad, all at the same time. as we sat there enjoying our last few minutes at home together, i caught isaac's attention when he noticed the tears trickling down my face.

he quizically looked at me for a bit and then finally spoke with a soft voice, describing {in the only way he knew how} what he saw.

"cheek...water," he said as he pointed at my tears.

oh, how precious. sweet that he noticed. sweet that he said it that way. sweet that it made me smile.

i'll never call tears tears again. from here on out, they've been dubbed cheek water. {isaac coined it. i dubbed it.} it's adorable. how could i go back to plain old tears ever again? cheek water sounds like the name of the chief's daughter in some native american tribe, doesn't it?

though it was not his intention, it brought the biggest smile to my face, and i soon forgot how much i was going to miss mr. b or how much i knew our little man was going to miss him, too.

i've been quite weepy lately. lots of things going on... lots of disappointments and such, as well as other contributing factors. the weepiness is sort of uncharacteristic of my lately-usual self. {i used to be quite a crier back before i had isaac. but since he's been in my life, i cry so much less... perhaps because isaac is depleting the cheek-water vat for us all, and there's not much left to go around?? but there seems to be plenty for me lately.}

anyway, i was having a tough time with mr. b leaving... more than i thought i would. the small amount of difficulty i had with it gave me a glimpse into what it's like for military wives who are separated from their husbands for such long periods of time. gosh, i feel for them. if a mere three days could have that much of an effect on me, i can't imagine how they get through those months on end of having their spouses gone. i'm guessing that does not make me good military wife material. i'd be a mess!

well... all that to say, at the end of the day, i'm very glad my husband went to see his mom. we wish we could have joined them, too. but at least he was able to go... thanks to his generous brother who bought his plane ticket. when his brother approached him with the offer, i strongly encouraged him to go, even though i know how torn he was. he really wants to be near his mom at this time, but i could see it was kind of getting to him to have to leave us, too. 

after we dropped him off at the train, isaac cried out for a good while and said through his tears cheek water, "dada, come back." {it broke my heart.} but almost immediately after that, he said, "choo-choo train, come back." that was when i knew he was gonna be okay. and then we were off to treat ourselves to frozen yogurt, because we both deserved it. at least that's what we told each other, and we're stickin' to it!

the good news is, in just a day and a half, mr. b will be back, and we'll hardly remember he was ever gone.

some other never-before-seen photos i unearthed these past couple days are these next few... taken during a summer visit from mr. b's parents last year. since we're missing them so much and are sending wishes of a speedy recovery my mother-in-law's way, i thought i'd include them today. i don't think it's difficult to see just how much isaac loves his grandma, nor how much she loves him right back.

get well from us all, sweet "abby"... whether we're here or there to say so.

love,
isaac, mr. b and me

YAY! {it's not what you think}. it's good news in a must-see video for creatives like me. {seriously... you should watch it. it's only about five minutes, and so worth the time.}

oh, WOW! what a relief! and, no... if you were thinking i was going to say my camera is fixed and everything is okay, i wasn't. 'cause it isn't. i'm relieved about something else, however.

so, if you read my last post and didn’t just skim it, but actually read all 9,000+ words, you’ll know that it wasn’t simply a post to vent about my camera breaking. it was, in fact, about much, much more.

it had to do with something underlying... much deeper down than just frustration over losing the use of my camera. it was about me feeling like i’m not doing well at what i set out to do and feeling like i'm not yet a respected or bonafide photographer in my eyes or the eyes of others because of it, all of which broke open and spilled out when my lens inevitably quit rather out of my control.

the fact that there was something much deeper going on was something i knew as i was writing it. and i knew it each time i subsequently re-read it to search for typos/errors. and i know it still.

but what i didn’t know when i wrote it {and never knew before today} was that there are others out there who feel exactly the way i do. actually, scratch that. i already knew others feel the way i do. better said, there are others out there who are experiencing exactly what i am.

let me explain.

one of my sweet photography blog friends {jen}, who i met through this here blog, read my last post and immediately knew exactly what was going on deep down at the core level of me... inwardly... not just what was showing at first glance. she knew exactly what my struggle is, as she was able to see past the sniveling complaints i expressed on the surface and speak to the real issue beneath. so she wrote me a private message on facebook, addressing those things that are deeper down than even i realized... things i didn't see, because i was/am too close to the situation and unable to look at it in a not-emotionally-charged, objective way.

jen is also someone i respect very much as a writer and thinker... and mom... which is why i felt readily open to what she had to say.

so my post today is about her message to me, which i'll share in its entirety. {i hope that's okay with her.} but first, i’m going to share the video she had me watch. she included the link to it at then end of her long and thoughtful message... a message i received and read last night, but i just now got the chance to watch the video for.

it’s a clip of ira glass {of n.p.r.} talking about something experienced by storytellers in their creative journeys. but anyone who watches it could apply it to any creative type, really. and the way i see it, the photographer's craft isn't much different than his or others like him, because we also tell stories, visually... or hope to.

as i sat there watching and listening to him talk, it was all i could do to keep from hitting the pause button so that i could immediately pop over to my blogger dashboard and start writing a post about it. it really excited me {in a good way} and had such a profound effect on me... instantly! an effect that had me sitting there thinking something along these lines...

no way! this is SO me, and never once have i heard it explained this way by someone else. in fact, i thought i was the only one out there that felt this way about myself as an artist. and i most certainly never would have admitted {about myself} this piece that he said is true of most creatives at some point in their journeys, because i thought it was a negative quality to have... one that could not be “fixed” or changed in me.

hearing what he said sort of freed me from my thinking. {that's the relief is was referring to in my first sentence.} and it gave me the push i needed to keep going, because what he described is soooooo me.

oh, goodness... i guess i should just share the video before i keep rambling on, so that you know what in the world i’m talking about.

whaaaaat???? you know about this, ira? you knew this about me? and there are others? what?

everything he talked about in this just hit me like a ton of bricks. especially this part... where he says “there’s a gap... that for the first couple years that you're making stuff, what you’re making isn’t so good. okay? it’s not that great.” {um, TOTALLY how i feel lately} “it’s trying to be good. it has ambition to be good, but it’s not quite that good.” {still me} “but your taste... the thing that got you into the game... your taste is still killer.” {yep... still me... i  have good taste in photography. i see it everywhere. everywhere! “stuff that *i* just, like, love”... to quote his woody-allen-esque way of putting it. i just knew this clip was going to be good from the moment i heard him bring taste vs. product into the mix!}

what he said next is the kicker statement that sort of knocked me off my feet, like wow!...

“and your taste is good enough that you can tell that what you’re making is sort of a disappointment to you. {...like, you can tell that it’s still sort of crappy.}”

yeah... pretty much nailed it. right there, he said so completely and precisely what i am going through. and the best part of watching the video was learning that this stage sometimes lasts for years in the creative journey of some {including his own}.

what a relief to know this is normal! i’ve always been able to admit this view of myself to myself, but never able to say it out loud {except maybe to mr. b or my mom}. i thought i was alone and odd to feel what i did... and still do.

now it's out in the open, 'cause i realize it's quite okay.

oh, how i don’t want to be one of the ones who quits while in that frustrating stage. before i even saw this video, i vowed i wouldn’t quit. even at the end of my last post, i said i wouldn’t quit now... thus the title “why i feel like throwing in the towel” and not “why i am throwing in the towel.”

as for his advice?... “do a lot of work. do a huge volume of work.”

that is why i take a lot of pictures of my son or anything else i have a chance to photograph, especially while not in the middle of prime photo-shoot season and not getting opportunities for real gigs. that is why having a working camera is important to me all the time, even if losing the use of it is only the straw that broke the back of the camel i call"disappointment with my work".

i realize that in order to press on through this stage no matter how much longer it will last, i need to keep working {or playing}... a lot. and for that, i need a working camera. that’s where all my tears came in, because that's where i felt the most helpless. {not that taking breaks from your craft isn't healthy, too. but only i-will-return breaks... not quitting for good breaks.}

to be honest, though i could not have put it as poignantly as mr. glass did, i already knew everything he said to be true of myself and was already pushing through it. i’m not going to be so blind as to say that the photography i put out there, whether professional or personal, is great stuff or as good as i want it to be. {good is a very relative term, by the way, so when i say good, i mean at a hoped-for level i have for myself some day... and even that is relative, because i hope i never stop improving. but you know what i mean... and if not, watch the video again. *wink*}

anyway, i was doing this already... pushing through this stage that i didn't even know other people experienced. there have even been times when i needed to stop looking at the work of others so that i would stop comparing and stop beating myself up, wondering when i’ll ever arrive at the level they’re at.

such a comfort it was to be told that others go through this... and that, at least as far as this video brings to light, it’s okay. it's normal and perfectly acceptable.

here is all of what my sweet friend said to me...

Georgia Georgia Georgia!  

After I read your blog post, I knew I must message you. I’ll get right to the point.  

1) God is the ultimate Creator of goodness and beauty. We are made in his image. When we create and bring beauty, we are reflecting and glorifying God to the world which needs all the beauty and goodness it can get. You have the gift of creating beauty. This is between you and God - He gave it to you and He knows your abilities will bless the world. You are doing Kingdom work. Do not compare yourself to others (oh boy I know how hard that is). Just spend some time with God thinking about the way he has equipped you and asking how you can continue to bless the world.  

2) I have watched someone - a mother - become VERY successful with a portrait photography business. Her photos were gorgeous and I believe she was grossing about $80,000 a year at her peak. (!) Guess what. Her business succeeded because she placed it as a priority over motherhood. After a mysterious and debilitating illness stopped her business, she said, “I think God is telling me to focus on being a mom right now.” And she is. You already understand that your role as mama supersedes your role as photographer. Bringing beauty in a quiet way is NO less important than bringing it in a big way. Bringing beauty reflects God, and God sees it all.  

3) Maybe you’ve seen this, but if you haven’t, I think you’ll like it! It’s Ira Glass talking about the creative process and what to do when you feel like your stuff isn’t as good as you’d like it to be. Or if you’re wondering if you have what it takes. This little video is so encouraging and his advice can apply to any creative medium. {of course, the video she is writing about is the one i posted above.} 

4) You have good taste and great ability! Keep on going because a) it’s what you were made for (to reflect God) and b) the world needs the beauty you bring. Okay. I think I’m finished for now. Hugs and feel better and WOW I hope you can get your lens/camera fixed. I think everything will work out just dandy.  

Jen

what a nice note. in fact, all of you who commented, whether on my post or in a private message, wrote such thoughtful and encouraging things.

i felt especially encouraged in being reminded by jen that it’s okay to have a desire... even a desperation... to create, because we are made in God’s image, and He is the ultimate creator. He made in us a desire to create. i don’t have to feel like it’s a waste of time or wonder if it can fit into my priorities or into the picture of what my life looks like as a proverbs 31 wife and mom. and i really needed to be reminded of that.

so thank you, jen {and everyone else}, for cheering me on to hang in there and keep going!

some of you who commented told me that you are in a similar place right now. so i hope this video helped you, as well. i couldn't keep from sharing something that was so helpful to me with any other creatives out there. if you’re one who's already gotten past that stage, then i hope you can share the video with someone who has yet to get past it, the way jen did for me.

why i feel like throwing in the towel

so, i sit here and write through my tears. tears of feeling deflated and defeated. not tears for anything that matters in the big scheme, of course. they're not over something that is life-altering or world-changing.

but they are a result of something that cuts to the heart of me. as i write, i realize i might be speaking prematurely, because i'm not even sure what is wrong at this point.

all i know right know is that, as of tonight, my camera doesn't work. my little contraption that is so very big to me. that thing i use to speak with {because i speak in pictures} and sometimes listen with, too.

my heart feels crushed.

i know that is so silly. find any number of blogs on the internet that write about injustices or hunger and poverty in various places all over the world... even right here in my own country. or watch the news and see stories of people dying in other countries because they are there doing work they believe in and somehow got in harm's way... like the story of the young diplomat from my neck of the woods who was killed in afghanistan recently and whose funeral was held today. or stories of moms who will lose their infant to a terminal disease. those are things that matter and should bring tears to ones eyes. not my silly camera busting.

but i still sit here crying. because i have a gig for a photo shoot at the beginning of may... something i was so excited for and haven't even mentioned on this blog yet, for fear that talking about it would make it fall through or burst into thin air as easily as one of isaac's bath bubbles does at the lightest touch of his tiny finger.

and because this is all wrapped in what i so badly want to do with my life... at every level. creatively. personally. professionally. communally.

'sploring 'n' stuff

a very dear friend once gave me some wise advice when i asked if she had some words of wisdom for me going into motherhood while pregnant with isaac... even though she is not a mother herself, i knew she'd have something sage to say.

it was sage, because she knew what was applicable to say to me.

her advice was simple. i'll paraphrase, as i don't remember the exact words she used. something like "don't raise isaac to believe that he can't explore the world, just because you guys don't have the money to travel." actually, her original wording was a bit more vague, but upon expounding in an effort to make me better understand, that was what i got out of what was said... in so many words or less.

in other words, she encouraged me not to let on to isaac that we don't have much money, or that that is why we aren't able to travel a lot with him... on vacations and such.

it applies to us, quite simply, because we will never be that family that goes on a vacation every year.  certainly not one that "sees the world". and that is not a complaint. not going on vacation doesn't feel like being jipped by life at all. {though we think it would be nice to be able to travel and get away, we feel blessed with far more than we ever thought we'd have.} it's just how it is. at least right now.

i'll never forget her advice, and i easily took it to heart.

it wasn't difficult, because i'm one of those people that loves to travel, but doesn't need it to be filled up {though i have no problem whatsoever with people who do need it to fill up, because that's just their thing... like taking pictures or listening to music is mine}.

i don't think she was advising me to be that way so much. if she knows me as well as i think she does, then she knows i am already content... not feeling an ache or need to travel in order to feel fulfilled. she knows i am already the sort of person that can find wonder and beauty right where i am if i'm really trying to see it.

i think her advice was more about telling me to make sure i pass this outlook i have on to isaac, and protecting him from a mindset that says "we're too poor to travel". so i did today with him what i'd do with myself on such a lovely {finally} warm spring day. i took him out in the yard and made him encouraged him to feel that we were on a grand exploration. not that almost-two-year-olds need a lot of help in that department... especially boys who like dirt and rocks and twigs and such. especially little boys who have changed so very much in the short three months that they have lived in a new house... and who've been cooped up inside all winter. everything is new and exciting by the nature of their spongey, developing minds.

so we 'splored {as mr. b calls it} out in the back yard. and the side. and the front. and we played with a blue ball. and we climbed through the overgrown bushes that i have started to trim back. and we asked questions like "what's this?" and answered with responses like "it's a twig."

and we sat in the light. the longed-for light and warmth that we knew would tag along with it.

we ran. chased.

we trampled over beds of brown pine needles, underneath the still dangling green.

we got covered head-to-toe in burrs.

i don't just mean exploring for isaac... though for him, it was much more of an adventure. {i imagine the yard seems ten times bigger to him than it does to us, simply because i remember how much larger places seemed to me at a young age than they seemed when i returned years later. our small yard must have felt like a sprawling ten-acre farm to him.}

no, this wasn't just for the little guy's pleasure. us grown-ups, we explored too. {moving in january does not afford many nice days to check out the property, remember... so this was a first for us, too.}

my favorite find? the prettiest soft- and long-needled evergreen. i knew it was there since the day we came to see the house with our realtor. but i had never explored it until today.

two big kids went out there to play with one little one. but we had another goal besides just playing in mind... to start fixing up the yard in any cost-free ways we can until we can have money to do the big stuff. {like adding an enclosing fence, new trees for privacy, deck furniture, landscaping plans, etc.}.

walking around with hopes of beautifying our property brought a quote i love to mind... one that i often think about.

instead of wondering where your next vacation is, maybe you need to set up a life you don't need to escape from. ~seth godin

i think the biggest reason i've never made traveling a huge priority is because i've never really felt a need to escape my world. it might be "aiming low" to others. but to me, i've just never really had the itch to get away. i've always really liked where i am... not just where i am on the map, but in life too. often, i find i don't have enough time or resources to enjoy my immediate surroundings as it is, without the added pressure of trying to enjoy other places too.

so i felt today like we did just what i was advised to by my friend that day. i wonder how many times we, as busy... way too busy... people, actually go out and discover our immediate surroundings. the things we pass every day without notice. my backyard will never strike in another person or myself the awe that the grand canyon can. but it's also a place like no other on earth. it's our little slice of the pie, and it's ours to do with what we want. that alone is sort of awe-inspiring. whether it's our little rented apartments that we can make into our own, or our 500-acre farms. everywhere is a place to be known. starting in our own backyard, i hope to help isaac realize that every bit of ground he treads holds treasure and mystery and something to be discovered, admired, manicured or protected.

the earth is the LORD's and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein. ~psalm 24:1

i'm not even sure if i captured every thought i had for this post. it's late and i'm tired.

but the one thing i wanted to make sure to include and share was this... the pure delight i had in watching my son today... seeing the excitement that burst out of him as he trekked around this new world that opened up when spring did.

it's the reason i included that first photo {why i took it in the first place} and typed "brought to you by the letter T next to it.

you see, that there T made out of two pieces of wood is something that sticks out of the ground at the far end of our deck. we can't be certain what it was put there for, but we have come to the conclusion that it was probably used to hang clothesline rope from.

every time i've ever seen those two pieces of wood, i saw them as just that... two pieces of wood and nothing more. anything i saw beyond that was wrapped up in questioning what it's for or the speculation that it is likely a post for a clothesline... the very kind of concrete thinking like i am prone to.

but isaac does't know what a clothesline is. however, he is learning to read. and in his wonderfully abstract thinking, he has been learning to find letters in all places... in all things {thank you, sesame street!}. so when we first walked out onto the deck today, he saw the post and ran toward it with enthusiasm and a smile and gleefully squealed "the letter teeeeee!" {T}

and my heart melted.

yes, baby boy. that is, in fact, a letter T. and you are my wonderfully abstract thinker.

as if that wasn't enough, he did the same exact thing minutes later when i walked him over to the side of the house where mr. b was cleaning gutters while standing on a ladder. this time, it was "the letter aaaaaye!" {A} he exclaimed as he pointed up at the ladder.

i beamed. and grinned. and told him what a smart boy he is. you'd think two was it for the day. a T in a clothesline post and an A in the ladder. but no. there was to be a D in the onion slice that was on my plate at dinner, too. {we made turkey burgers on the grill in honor of the first really nice day, and onion for the burgers would be the third place that isaac would find a letter i'd not have seen without him.}

i love this, because it illustrates what i am trying to get at. if we are as wide-eyed and wonderment-filled as children tend to be, might we find so many things all around us worth being amazed and excited about... without having to travel far... or even at all?

there will come a day when all three of us have discovered all that there is to discover on our little piece of land. but people don't always travel back to a certain spot solely to keep on discovering new things. sometimes,  rather, it's merely because they love the place they've found and they feel right at home there.

that sounds familiar. though a permanent dwelling and not a vacation home, we love the place we've found.

and we feel right at home.

project life {week thirteen} and a few other things these days

1, 2. TUESDAY - BOOK {up on the fridge and down on the floor}

3. MONDAY - CLUTTERED {with a capital CL! table and chair next to my bed... ughhh}

4. THURSDAY - SPLASH {rinsing dishes in the kitchen sink}

5. SATURDAY - COLLAGE {a gallery wall of art and mirrors in the bathroom}

6. FRIDAY - MY PEEPS {both my peeps and those other peeps... they're all sweet as sugar}

7. TUESDAY - GREEN {the newest in my obsession collection of mugs}

8. SUNDAY - CURRENTLY READING {a fabulous book from a fabulous friend}
{how 'bout those finger prints courtesy of isaac? poor kid gets blamed for everything. they're probably mine!}

* * * * *

and here's a bit of what we've been up to these days...

countless expressions that can change on a dime, but mostly smiles {it is a very smiley age}

making delicious mini brownie cakes for a certain birthday boy

daily enjoying a recent {most delicious} afternoon tradition... an old favorite—the best green tea—with a new favorite—the best blueberry cookies {even though they are breakfast cookies and are meant for mornings}
thankfully the flavor i get is not one of the two recently-recalled-for-having-metal-mesh-in-them flavors!

scrapes and bumps... the murphy's law kind that happen only when there is a holiday the next day and there are bound to be photos.

and then there's easter, of course... isaac in his easter finest and me with my new DO.
what DO you think? DO you like it?

{oh... and in case you were wondering... that's not the dog's drool on isaac's mouth in the sixth-to-last photo, despite what the photo before it might lead you to believe. isaac had a cold on easter, so he was drooling a lot as a result of his plugged up nose. just thought i'd clarify, 'cause i know if i didn't know the whole story and i saw that photo, i'd be like "whaaaaaaaaaaaat?"}

=)

i hope you had a wonderful easter!