monster storm and goodbye to picture winter

hope is the thing with feathers, 

that perches in the soul,

and sings the tune--without the words,

and never stops at all

~emily dickinson

so, this post title might seem strange. but "monster" is the term the news is using for the storm that is stretching across the united states... from texas to ohio, right now.

we've been bracing for a bad hit, as "they" are saying we will have the worst winter storm we've had in the past ten years. it has already started, but we seem to be in a slight lull for now. i was supposed to drive in to the city {chicago} tomorrow for my first ultrasound. because of our insurance and because of my age, i have to see a high-risk ultrasound specialist, which means driving an hour. talk about bad timing! just in case the roads are not drivable, i have rescheduled the appointment for thursday instead. we'll see what happens!

this shot was one of my last picture winter submissions. {the workshop officially ended yesterday.} the prompt was to look for glimmers of hope in our surroundings. i looked out the door one day, and all i saw was snow! though beautiful, i could not help but hope for spring to get here sooner than later. and i caught a vision of what those shrubs look like when spring does arrive... full of green and life! like the birds who stay around through the coldest and toughest of winters, i want to be patient and wait for spring and summer... even through the storms. i want to have enduring hope. {i speak to literal seasons and storms, as well as figurative.}

although it was so much fun to do, i am glad to say picture winter is over. there were days that it was not very convenient to take time for something so inspiring, as there was much else to do. but i am so grateful for the MANY friends and connections i made through the workshop. and the inspiration found there was beyond measurable! there are so many talented people out there!!

thank you, tracey, for gifting me this workshop! as with irene's simple soulful membership gift, i am truly grateful for the opportunity, as i would not have otherwise had the money to participate! it means a lot that i was given this membership... and with it, afforded the chance to learn, experiment, and make new friends!!

{my final gallery for the month of picture winter is here.}

a day in your life @ 19.25

dear baby b,


sunday was your 19-week mark.
that means next week, i get to see you on an ultra sound!
i wonder if you will be kicking then
like you have been doing lately!
{usually around 6:00 at night and beyond...
does that mean you are going to sleep all day
and be up all night after you are born?}


i just wanted to take you around the house a little today...
and also tell you some things that are going on.


so, today for my picture winter "assignment"
i was supposed to capture a "beautiful mess" with my camera.
hee hee.
normally, this would be very easy to do in this home...
although i rarely think the messes are beautiful.
but lately, there have been no messes
or piles or clutter or dirty things to photograph,
as i have had ample time to clean.
well, i opened my e-mail,
read today's prompt,
and then headed to the kitchen to make my morning hot cocoa.
{you were making it quite clear you wanted some milk first thing.}
well, thanks to your "aunt" mary
who used her magic bullet mixer to make me a frothy drink
when i stopped over to visit her yesterday,
i realized i could make my daily hot-chocolates a lot more interesting
by using my magic bullet, too!
my cup of hot chocolate went from so-so to FAB-O!
only thing is, i made a big mess.
i did not use the right lid, i think.
i was a bit miffed at myself.
and wouldn't you know it?...
as i walked away from it with my hot cocoa in hand
to go sit at the computer and continue checking e-mails,
i thought, "what in the world am i going to photograph
for today's "beautiful mess" prompt?"


i got all the way to my chair,
and then i had to laugh.
ummm... it was staring me right in the face!
the mess i just made!
so i grabbed my camera card,
stuck it in the camera,
and started shooting my little blender mishap.
how perfectly did that work out?
i bet the other participants thought i did it on purpose... spilled.
but i didn't!
i swear!
not the best photo in the world,
but it works for this prompt.


while in the kitchen,
i realized i could get the messy sink, too...
sort of a beautiful mess when seen with the lovely french tea towel
i use to place clean, wet dishes on for drying.



i was done!
no need to go create an extra special mess.
but it had me thinking a lot about when you get here...
i have a feeling there will be messes ALL the time around the house.
not because you will be a messy person.
just because you are a baby.
and that's just what babies do... make messes.
i thought about how i'll probably ALWAYS have spills on the counter
and dirty dishes and bottles in the sink.
but you know what?
i can't wait!
seriously!


anyway, i decided the dishes and the spill could wait.
after a few snaps of the camera,
i was back to the computer to upload the shots,
process the shots,
and submit them to the picture winter site.


while there, i realized i had not yet taken my photos for yesterday's prompt...
"the magic machine"
we were to take a creative shot of our computer or electronic device
that we use for being active in the cyber world...
what allows us to participate in the things like picture winter
and blogging and photography and such.
i was going to skip this assignment,
because i was sure i would not be able to take something interesting.
i have an older {sort of dated-looking} computer,
and the corner it is in is not quite the set-up i would like it to be.


but then i realized after i set my hot cocoa down
in front of the keyboard and
on top of your papa's morning note that he left for me,
it would be a good subject for the prompt...
a shot of my daily morning routine.
hot chocolate {sometimes with peppermint},
computer,
picture winter,
blogging
and checking/responding to e-mails.
{oh, and reading papa-b's notes, if he left one.}



this is what i came up with!
and you know what?
i'm so glad i decided to participate in that prompt,
as opposed to skipping it.
tracey {the picture winter class teacher and founder}
saw the image,
liked it,
left the sweetest comment on it,
and then used it for the daily picture winter post on shutter sisters.
made me blush,
and after a sort of difficult morning with much on my mind,
it even made me cry...
you sure make me emotional sometimes, little baby-b.
of course, who am i kidding?
i know i was ALREADY that way.
=)


here is the other view i submitted.



notice all of papa's notes {on the monitor} that he's given to me
since we found out we are having you.
sometimes he talks to you in them, too.


{by the way, i just had to tell you...
your papa loves to use pet names.
he always has on me.
the names he comes up with for me are too numerous to remember or list.
but he also has several that he uses regularly.
it's one of his most whimsical traits... which i ADORE about him.
he has already started coming up with several for you.
"little slugger"
"spaghetti-o"
"baby-bird"
{{to go with when he calls me mama-bird or when i call him papa-bird}}
"little mostachioli"
there will be many more... i guarantee it!
probably his favorite to call you will be "little squirt".
i love when he uses that one.}


okay... one last little stop around the house
after visiting the kitchen counters
and the computer corner where i blog and work on photography.
now we will go to the other side of the house.
in the hallway {which you will soon discover is like a room in and of itself}
and in your papa's man cave.


i took these two shots for another picture winter prompt
called "high strung".
we just had to capture something strung up in our environment.



i used the view of a favorite print i found
years ago at a garage sale for $75.
it is original pastel-on-paper art, framed in a gorgeous antique frame.
i bought it for your papa when we were first dating
for his bare apartment walls.
i thought it was breathtaking and so worth every penny!
it's a cloud/sky/moon scene,
and you will soon discover how very much i love clouds!
i love how this print looks a lot like a photo,
and also looks like it could be a water scene.
anyway, i had strung some "gold-leafed" ball garland
on top of the frame for the christmas season.
still there... i'll take all the christmas decorations down soon.



okay, and this other shot is the old-world pendant lantern
that your dear grandparents
{grandma-b and grandpa-b}
gave to us a few years back.
they had bought it in their younger years
during some of their travels.
your papa bought some groovy fabric
to hang on the wall behind it.
i love it, because it sort of looks map-esque,
which lends itself nicely to the old-world feel of the lamp.
very moroccan or bohemian!


well, i have something VERY special to share with you,
but as this is already a long post,
it will have to wait until another day... maybe friday.
but i will give you a hint.
it has to do with something your "aunt" mary gave us
for your nursery,
and it means just about more than anything i can think of
when it comes to how God has provided for you so far.
i'm getting very giddy about your nursery,
and i can not wait to reveal it to you.


i love you, baby-b.
i can't wait to name you,
see you,
hold you,
kiss you,
smell you,
touch you,
comfort you,
watch you,
hear you,
and smile at you.
{among many other things}


until then, keep kicking!
{p.s. ...thanks for giving papa-b a big ol' kick the other night!
he had a hard time feeling them at first.
but you pulled through and gave him a wallop!
{{that's why he now calls you his little slugger.}}
he did not seem very affected by your touch.
but i know his heart melted to pieces when he felt you through my belly.
so thank you!
i had been waiting for that!}


love,
mama-b

one little word

last friday's picture winter prompt theme was "winter's pull", so i submitted the above photo. but i really took this photo for a different online photo project i had decided to participate in this year.

i've been hoping to participate in one little word since the new year started. {week four of this project was last saturday... and it's my first time submitting. and late, at that! YIKES!} my word has been picked out since before the year began... in fact, it was sort of chosen for me, as i did not have to think of a word to pick. it was already on my mind for many reasons... "strength".

it's the word i want to focus on and apply to my life more than anything else this year. due to having to change insurance as a result of the costs going up, i no longer will be able to see a mentor/therapist as of this year... at least not a paid one. not getting counseling seems a little overwhelming, as i don't feel we completely worked through everything in me that i wanted to. but as part of my learning to build strength and claim God's strength when i don't have my own this year, i will try to learn to look to him for counsel, too... through his word, through other believers, through prayer.

things are not perfect in my life. i don't feel that we are among green pastures. i feel very much in a cold winter season still... a valley. but this is a place that i can learn to be strong. and i am doing it! i see it very much! and january is not even over. can't wait to see where i'll be at come december!

i was just talking to b. we were discussing what to do with a collection agency who is hounding us. i said, "we'll make it, mister. we'll get through this. we always do." he said, "i don't feel like we ever get through it. we just keep wading." i thought, "yes, but at least wading is moving." so i said, "i know. but that's what i mean. it's like we are not getting immediately taken out of a vast field of hurdles. but we are at least somehow able to always jump every hurdle." a little at a time, we will be led away from this field... this desert... this wilderness.

and that alone will build strength! really strong leg muscles especially!

it's a gray and dreary day here. but i know spring is on the way. it always is... no matter what point of winter we are in, spring is ALWAYS on the way.

and that means so is baby-b! {who, by the way, has been kicking a whole lot lately! VERY EXCITING!... i tried to get papa-b to feel the kicks with his hand, but he can't seem to yet. he'll have to wait until the kicks are stronger, i guess.}

well, i just thought i would post {late} my first photo that i took to depict my "one little word" for 2011. it is the epitome of strength, no?... holding on.

hope you are hangin' on today, too.

frosty the what-huh?

today at picture winter, we had to shoot {creatively} our version of "frosty".

tracey gave the example of a cool shot of a beer glass filled to the brim with a frosty brew. in her prompt, she wrote:

today's prompt isn't about capturing a shot of your favorite drink. instead, i ask you to visually translate the word frosty. if that means a mug of beer for you, so be it. but, it might mean something different to you. the translation is wide open today and totally up to you. be creative!

well... i've shot some frosty drinks before... like my green tea lattes from starbucks or this coffee art from a favorite chicago coffee shop. and i recently captured some cool frost on my bathroom window.

i could have shot the whipped-cream topped peppermint hot chocolate i made this morning. but for today's prompt, my mind went immediately to this little guy, so i submitted the above shot. let's just say, frosty had a make-over for 2011! {*wink*}. his new year's resolution?... diet until barely recognizable as a snowman.

this special ornament never gets hung on the tree... or anywhere for that matter. each year at christmas, when this teeny glass ornament {from world market} gets pulled out of the box, he is used to play a little game between the hubby and me.

to explain, let me post a photo and excerpt from an older post in july, 2010:

. . .

here is a little glimpse of something i treasure immensely in my life...

i actually took this photo a while ago, but had not necessarily planned on putting it on flickr or my blog, i just wanted a record of the little glass ornament that my husband and i always hide from each other for fun.

i don't know how or why it started, but one day, one of us decided to hide it for the other to find just to be cute... to give a little unexpected surprise when the cupboard was opened. then the finder reciprocated. then it became a game and a challenge to find creative, hard-to-find places to hide it. back and forth... when one of us found it, it was other's turn to hide it. sometimes it would be months before one of us found the other's hiding place. but what delight it is every time i discover his most recent hiding place. i'm like a kid again.

and when it's missing, i'm constantly asking him, "where's the ducky?" in my little kid voice. i've put it in his suitcase or overnight bag when he goes out of town. he has hidden it in my stack of bills, knowing it will be quite a long time before i find it there {*wink*}. those are just a couple of many, many examples.

we just have a lot of fun with it. it's been going on for about three years. maybe it's just our little way of adding whimsy to our lives until we are blessed with the children we desire to have... practicing for when we do get to have them.

the whimsy and joy this little game brings is itself a treasure, which makes the little glass duck something i'll always treasure. but it's also the added meaning that has come about that i treasure the most. you see... some days, i find this little duck when i absolutely needed it the most. on difficult days. on days filled with worry or anxiety about the hardships life sometimes brings. on days where i'm not feeling adequate. and every time, that little duck is a reminder of how good life is, how blessed i am to have a playful and caring husband.

. . .

well, come christmas-time, insert above text {but change "ducky" to "snowman"} for "mr. snowman the ornament". in fact, the game started with the snowman one christmas several years back.

{b. and i had gone through a really rough patch in our marriage. so we spent our christmas apart. he went to florida to be with his family and i stayed here. because we were on the road to reconciliation, as a gesture of love, i placed the snowman in his suitcase... to surprise him when he got to florida and opened it up. shortly after christmas day, he returned home... with the snowman.}

that was christmas of 2005. when christmas was over and the snowman had to be packed away, the ducky took it's place. but the biggest reason i include an excerpt from my july 2010 post, is because i especially wanted to highlight what i said in the second to last paragraph... "maybe it's just our little way of adding whimsy to our lives until we are blessed with the children we desire to have... practicing for when we do get to have them."

two months after i wrote that, we got pregnant with the child we thought we would never have. i could cry when i read that. good thing we've been practicing these little games for baby-b. {*smile*}

{just have to add one more thing... this year, while straightening a shelf where skinny frosty was displayed, i accidentally knocked him off the shelf... "knocked him off" in more than one way! when he landed, his head broke off of his body! YIKES!!! i beheaded our snowman! but thanks to b. and some super glue, he is once again {{more fortunately than humpty-dumpty}} a whole "man".}

. . .

speaking of frosty, it's going to get very cold here over the next two days... almost down to the zero mark! brrrrrrrr.

i better cut this post off now. it's getting too long, and i have a house to clean for a guest on saturday... one of my oldest and dearest friends will be visiting from texas. i will definitely share more on that when the time comes!!

have a wonderful {frosty... in the good kind of way} day!

the latest news and my latest designs

first of all...

ahhhhhhh!!!

it was the most amazing feeling!

i actually think he or she kicked earlier in the week.

but i was never sure with those sensations.
{they say it could just be gas.}

but yesterday, it happened when my hand happened to be

right on top of where his or her little foot kicked.

so i felt it inside me {that same sensation as earlier in the week}, 

AND i felt it against my hand at the same time!

so i knew for sure, this time it was THE BABY!!!

it is every bit as exciting as i was told it would be!

well, i won't dwell too much on that.

but i did use the above self-portrait for my picture winter submission today.
{the photo is actually about a week old, but i used it anyway.}

the theme was "a different kind of story: your own personal story".

we were supposed to share something that told the story

of where we are at right now.

everything revolves around baby right now.

so i just had use this photo and share the news...

that's my personal story right now.

the other exciting thing that happened...

i received an invitation to a wedding in the mail today!

yes, this happens to lots of people a lot of the time.

but the reason this was a special instance is because

the invitation was my latest of six custom wedding invitations designs!

it's so cool to see the printed final product come in the mail!

i would have shared other designs i have done in the past on this blog,

but none of the other ones ever incorporated photography that i took.
{i usually put the others on my more design-related blog, jorjah-b.}

this was the first time i used a photo i took for my graphic design.
so i thought it appropriate to feature it here instead of my other blog.

since i am trying to really get my custom wedding invitation design business
up and running and set up before baby-b comes,

and this is also a part of my personal story right now,

i decided to also post the above diptych as my other submission

for picture winter... "a different kind of story: my own personal story".

and here are the files i sent to the printer to have the invitation printed...

so you can see a better view of what the whole thing looks like.

. . .

and speaking of designs, another thing i am trying to get up and running
is my design services for designing blog headers or banners.
i have done all of my own, and several for others.
but the two most recent ones i have done
are two of my favorite yet... and they are for two of my blogging friends.

heather's... i have known heather for quite a while, now.

and...

stacey's... she is a newer bloggy friend, but instantly became a dear one.

{you should definitely check out both their blogs,
because they are both great photographers and sweet people.}

i'm in the process of designing one for someone i know personally,
and i just got a message on facebook from one of my high school friends
asking if i would design her blog banner, too!
this might just take off!... and i hope it does!
{at some point, i will make a separate page on this blog
that will advertise my blog banner design services.
but i have not gotten that far yet.}

well, that's it for the day.
i have MUCH catching up to do on picture winter viewing/commenting.
so i better get going... oh, yeah.
i better make dinner, too!
=)

cheers.

it's stark in here

{other two submissions here and here}

today's picture winter prompt was called "stark raving magnificent".

tracey wrote:

this time of year, the landscapes around us are often stark and barren. whether your world is covered in snow or you're on a white sandy beach (or on an airplane even like i was for the featured shot) capture some kind of starkness today.

think minimal beauty. think simple. think of the bare necessities in getting the perfect shot.

i wish i was on a white sandy beach!! but alas, my world is more like the first example she gave.

my submissions don't really evoke thoughts of magnificence to me... but definitely stark and barren. and you know how fascinated i am by trees! so i was glad to come upon a large, towering {i guess you could say magnificent... sort of} tree on a stark and barren wintery roadside.

it seemed the perfect thing to shoot for this.

ironically, i woke up feeling a little bit of starkness in my heart. not a permanent thing. just a very sad and full-of-inability-to-understand-something sort of feeling. i had a very difficult conversation last night. actually, i hardly spoke, because i was at a complete loss for words. but i listened, and it left me feeling empty and drained... as if a plug was pulled on a container of understanding between two friends.

i sobbed at the thought of all that went wrong to cause that conversation... and my mind went to EVERYTHING it could to make sense of it all, though nothing did. but i went to sleep praying words i was hardly able to utter... "please God. i can not figure this out. take it upon you, as i do not know what to do with it."

i have to believe he will. last time i prayed something similar {about another difficulty in a relationship}, i saw him work in that situation the very next day. and he has been since.

still, i awoke with this sad and empty feeling. but as the day goes on, i am okay with things... praying for grace and understanding and willingness to look at what i have done. one has to do this. without it, bitterness grows. and i know, because i have let it grow in me before. right now, i have no room for bitterness. i don't want it to seep into my baby's little bones.

for the rest of the day, i choose to look at this emptiness as a season that holds its own sort of beauty... just as the starkness of winter can hold beautiful layers of snow and quiet hush.

it is snowing heavily here right now. i will be going out to get some more photos of the blanket of white being woven as i "speak". but first, i've got some chores to do around here, and i'm thankful to God for the time to do them, the home to do them in, the heat that keeps me warm while i do them, and the family to do them for.

a day in your life at 18 {exactly}

dear baby-b,

you are 18 weeks old... TODAY!

and wow... you are growing by leaps and bounds!

i think my belly popped out over night!

must be why i have felt nauseous again these past few days.

know what else?

your mama is a little under the weather today.

i woke up with a sinus infection.

so i am not quite myself.

i hope it's not affecting you, though.

you stay warm and healthy in there, okay?

i'll take the brunt of the bug,

and you just stay healthy and strong.

well, mama had to do her picture winter assignment today...

"all wrapped up" was the theme.

we had to find something original to shoot

involving a towel{s} or towel theme.

so i'm using this opportunity to once again,

give you a glimpse of the bigger home

that surrounds your little home {my tummy}.

today we won't stay in one room.

i'll show you the bathroom

and a little bit of the dining room, too.

there is even one of your mama

laying down in the living room... trying to rest up.

but first, i want you to know...

unless God has another plan,

your dad and i have decided to stay where we are after you are born.

we didn't know how we could swing it.

but, your very sacrificial papa decided he would willingly give up his man-cave

{or half of it, anyway}

to make a nursery for you to call your own!

i can't wait to get started on it!

i won't go into details now... that will come.

but just know, i'm going to make one lovely little space

for my precious one to sleep every night.

don't you worry.

as you can see, i started off in the bathroom.

seemed like a good place to start for a towel theme.

i won't go into too much detail now, because i still plan to post

about the bathroom in its entirety some time.

but i'll just give you a glimpse.

it's my favorite room.

and it seems to be the favorite room of all who visit, too.

it's very long and very bright... i love bathrooms with windows!

and the nice thing is that it gets the most light in the mornings.

other than also telling you it's filled with greens,

i won't give you much more detail yet.

but i can say, it has a lot of vintage charm...

not so much because i decorated it that way,

but because that is how the house came.

it's an older home,

and it still has all those great characteristics that a lot of older homes have.

well, the above photo collage is of my favorite towel

with my favorite eucalyptus spearmint lotion.

this is where i take a lot of relaxing baths.

and some day, you too will bathe there.

when i get around to doing the full bathroom post,

you'll see there are a lot of other interesting things in there, too.

{i'll give you a hint... a few of those things have wings!}

okay, now let's move to the living room.

mama was tired and did not want to work on her assignment.

so she decided to lay down after a nice warm, steam-filled shower

{that hopefully helped clear out the sinuses}, and then thought,

"i can just take a photo of myself with the tripod for my assignment."

your mama has green eyes like the towel on her head.

i often wonder if you'll get my green eye's or your dad's blue eyes.

i wonder ALL the time what you will look like.

i really can't wait to find out!

enough of the miserable me with a sinus infection...
{can you tell i was really dreading this assignment?
oh, well... might as well have some fun with it!}

okay, so here is another pic of your mama

{notice the belly... it's even bigger than the last time you saw it}.

this time, i'm in the dining room.

you might grow up looking at the framed album covers

and wonder why they hang on the wall...

just as i grew up looking at similar album covers.

i'll explain.

when i see vinyl albums like these

at garage sales or flea markets,

i always want to get them.

they have a certain look that brings me back to my childhood.

you see, my dad loved music,

and one of his favorite music genres was jazz.

he loved the old albums with the pretty 1960s models on the covers...

the kind whose models had that "come-hither" look on their face.

he would probably say,

"i got it for the music!"

but we all know he thought the covers were easy on the eyes, too.

anyway, i just get such a warm nostalgic feeling

when i see these covers,

because it takes me back to when i sat on the floor

by your grandfather's vast record collection,

never tiring of looking at them all,

while i listened to his beautiful jazz or classical music.

the best memories!

i hope we will create exactly the same kind for you.

i think we will.

both your dad and i LOVE music.

just last night,

we sat and listened to so many great songs.

{your dad was playing d.j.}
i'm guessing you heard the music!

well, back to the photo.

these are hanging in the dining room... in a little seating area i created.

i felt so unglamorous at 18 weeks pregnant

with my sinus infection

in my bath robe and towel

after my steam therapy shower.

so i thought it would be funny to get a whimsical self-portrait

of unglamorous me next to glamorous them!

here is what that corner looks like without your mama in it.

well, i think that's it for today.

i better go rest.

i'm going to hang out with your very happy father.

{he's in a great mood, because the bears won

and they will keep going in the playoffs!!}

you be good in there, okay?

know that i love you and absolutely can not wait

to meet you face to face one day.

until then, keep growing strong.

love,

your mama

blue

when i look in your eyes, i see the wisdom of the world in your eyes
i see the sadness of a thousand goodbyes
when i look in your eyes

and it is no surprise, to see the softness of the moon in your eyes
the gentle sparkle of the stars in your eyes
when i look in your eyes

in your eyes, i see the deepness of the sea
i see the deepness of the love
the love i feel you feel for me

autumn comes, summer dies
i see the passing of the years in your eyes
and when we part there'll be no tears, no goodbyes
i'll just look into your eyes

those eyes, so wise
so warm, so real
how i love the world, your eyes reveal

while drinking coffee and hot cocoa this morning, mr. b. and i watched his stars and their guitars: the history of the electric guitar documentary dvd from the library. well... he was a little more into it than i. just being next to him was all that i was there for.

i looked over and caught his amazing blue eyes and was just so taken {like always, but more so this morning... must be the way the light through the window was catching them}.

he DOES NOT like to have his picture taken, so i practically had to beg him to let me go get my camera and snap some shots. it is a very rare, cooperative sight to see him looking at my camera and smiling. i knew i had to act quickly. too much time taken, and he would have booted me from the man cave. =)

anyway, i told him to just ignore that i was there... just keep watching the dvd as if i did not have a camera in hand. we're talking about guitars here, so i know that was not too difficult a task for him to accomplish. {*wink*}

isn't he adorable? i think so! and it's more than just the way he looks here. i needed to capture who he is right now... half way through my pregnancy. i have seen the coolest changes in him since he found out he is going to be a papa. i'm not surprised, though. he was a good guy before. now he is a good dad, too. he is totally stepping up to the plate... he is caring so much for me in this pregnancy, so i know he will care so much for baby-b when he or she arrives. i'm so in love with mr. b. right now. call it pregnancy hormones if you must. i call it love.

this blue eyes post sort of goes with today's picture winter theme. since i did not sleep so well last night, i decided to use another old photo to submit today. the theme is "cooling it"... we're supposed to take a photo and process it to give it a wintery feel. that is exactly what i did in this photo back in december!

i had taken the photo in autumn, but i processed it later in december to have a wintery blue feel. that worked out good! now i don't have to go out and create this today, because i already had done so... now i have the day to just rest.

well, one more thing... the lyrics above are from the song when i look in your eyes... a favorite song from an absolute favorite cd of mine!... diana krall's cd of the same title. i often have it playing when i entertain in my home, and EVERY time, my guests ask to know what the name of the cd is so that they can go out and get it, too.

but i have to warn you, it should be listened to on a really good sound system and turned up as much as possible to get the full effect! {i had a friend who bought it after i gave her the name, and she went home and played it on her tiny little clock radio cd player. she told me, "it's just not the same. i did not like it as much as at your house.} if you have to, use ear phones to get the best sound. it's SO relaxing and enjoyable. funny enough, krall is wearing blue on the cd cover.

well, i hope you are all having a relaxing day... full of the good kind of blues!

winter bones {picture winter day 14}

{better on black}

today, for picture winter, we were encouraged to go out and brave the cold and look for something beyond the chill to photograph. i went about eight steps from my door to get my shot. i was glad it was there, as i am too chilled myself to go on an adventure in search of a winter photo. this shrub always has pretty berries in the winter, thick green leaves in the spring and summer, and gorgeous vibrant reddish magenta leaves in the fall.

i had to use manual focus to get the nice effect i wanted... sharp detail on the berry with a blurry background. the lighting was not letting me manually focus today. {oh, how i want a better lens!}

short post today. my pregnancy nausea has crept back in for some strange reason. it's like one of my medium bad {five eight on a scale of one to ten} days from my first trimester. but i rarely have these now, unlike when i had them every day the first couple months. so i guess i can put up with it. hoping you are all well... enjoying the bones of winter... whatever that may look like in your neck of the woods.

sorry to not be able to visit all your blogs lately... picture winter has got me very busy!

a couple more takes...

{better on black}

controlled chaos {picture winter day 13}

{better on flickr}

so, today's picture winter theme is controlled chaos...

you may have guessed by my post title and the words on my photo.

i thought this was going to be one of the harder assignments...

to find something that "said" or symbolized controlled chaos.

but it turns out, it was harder to pick which photo

i wanted to submit to the workshop

than it was to find something that said controlled chaos to me.
i felt like there was controlled chaos everywhere i looked!

the above shot is of a crowded downtown, snowy, winter street.

it seemed chaotic with the many parked cars,

the snow that had not yet been cleared,

and the trucks that were trying to get their deliveries done on time.
chaotic... yet somehow, we all get where we need to
and deliveries get made.

{i was sitting in a diner having breakfast
with my mom when i took it.}
i ended up submitting this shot above,
but i really wanted to submit a few from below, too.

. . .

{better on flickr}

on the way to meet mama, i passed the city's water tower.

there were so many lines criss-crossing back and forth.

between the power lines and the angled support rods on the tower,

it really did seem like chaos.

but actually, everything there is just where it should be,

in order to provide orderly water and power to the city residents.

{better on flickr}

this is just another take on that same theme...

using a different camera exposure, though.

i had fun playing with the processing on these water tower shots!

{better on flickr}

then, on the way home from breakfast with mom
and from applying for unemployment benefits,

i saw these awesome trees on the side of the road.

they just SCREAMED chaos to me...

with the odd branches at the top of the tree

that shot way up... only vertically.

i think it's weird {in a cool way} how the bottom of the tree

had all kinds of directional branches all clustered together,

and then the top just had those shooting spikes.

it seemed very chaotic, but at the same time

they are objects in nature that are perfectly programmed in all seasons

to do just what they are supposed to...
bloom and shed, bloom and shed, bloom and shed...

all the while, growing year after year.

so there's your control element.

{better on flickr}

this is just another take/process on the same tree.

{better on flickr}

...and another one.

{better on flickr}

then i got this blurred shot {you know how much i love blurry shots!}

of a car whizzing by.

driving out on the roads in winter???

talk about controlled chaos!

{better on flickr}

this one is actually a bit peaceful to me.

but it still represents driving, so...

the control is using our mirrors,

and the chaos is the drivers and traffic all around us.

{better on flickr}

lastly... something TOTALLY different.

at breakfast, i noticed all the jam/jelly packets.

not so much chaotic {i should have really roughed up their order more},

but i saw control in the rack that makes them all nice and neat

and chaos in trying to decide which darn jelly to put on my english muffin!!

when you are indecisive like me, this can be hard.

{*wink*}

there you have it!

a much less serious post

that is {for once} all about photography

and not so much about my life.

well, i could go into a nice long post about how controlled chaos applies to life.

but i'll spare you all.

{*smile*}

now i just have to create some time
to catch up on all the other members' entries.
it will have to be after b. and i watch a movie...
it's "thursday-night-movie night"!

{p.s., thanks for breakfast, mama!}

don't lose heart

"therefore i tell you, do not worry about your life,

what you will eat or drink;

or about your body, what you will wear.

is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?

look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,

and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

are you not much more valuable than they?

can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

and why do you worry about clothes?

see how the flowers of the field grow. they do not labor or spin.

yet i tell you that not even solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

if that is how God clothes the grass of the field,

which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire,

will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?

so do not worry, saying,

'what shall we eat?'

or

'what shall we drink?'

or

'what shall we wear?'

for the pagans run after all these things,

and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well.

therefore do not worry about tomorrow,

for tomorrow will worry about itself.

each day has enough trouble of its own."

~matthew 6:25-34

wow... what a long day! i had meant to get to this post much earlier. i feel like i am falling behind in my workshops and blogging. but i had some things that i had committed to that had to get done today... wrapping up a wedding invitation design for a friend, and two blog banner designs for two blog friends {one old and one new!}

everything went swimmingly, i got it all done, and i was proud of how it all turned out! like i said, long day... but good day! and i think it was a good thing i was busy. after yesterday, i need to keep busy and not have time to worry. not that the day didn't start out with some worrying.

and worrying is so very needless {see verses above}. it's just not helpful to anyone! especially me and baby-b. so, i sort of needed a little sermon. and i got it, too. from none other than my sweet mama. sometimes it's the last thing we want to hear... a "sermon" from our mother. but today, i really needed her words of admonition and encouragement... even reprimanding {for worrying when i should not be adding stress on baby-b}.

we got off the phone, and minutes later, she called again to have me turn on the radio and listen to this message by nancy leigh demoss from her don't lose heart series. this one was called renew your perspective. 

if you are feeling worried and burnt out, i VERY HIGHLY recommend you listen to it! it was so very good. it was as if every single word of her message specifically addressed every single thing my mom and i talked about this morning... all the things i have talked about here recently. and i REALLY needed that encouragement today!

well, before this post gets too long, i just wanted to say, today was much better. i renewed my perspective and chose not to lose hope. and my mind kept going back to the verses that b. called me into his "man cave" to read to me when he was doing his daily bible reading a few days ago... the verses i quoted above. i've heard them a million times. but each time, they are just as wonderfully fresh and helpful as ever before. for some strange reason, i have to constantly be reminded of these truths.

and my mind has also been going back to another verse... one of my favorites:

"you keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you,

because he trusts in you." ~isaiah 26:3

that's good, no? i find it to be true when i put it to the test. when i am focused on God and intently trusting him, i find i have such indescribable peace. it's when i get my eyes off of him and back onto my problems, that i start to get all worried and hysterical {*wink*} again.

well... to make a long story short, i am sort of flip-flopping yesterday's and today's picture winter themes. today's theme was "signs of life". i found it very appropriate to submit one of my photos from yesterday's post for the prompt today {for obvious reasons}.

and very ironically, yesterday's theme of "warm your heart" went very well with what i have felt is the theme of my day, today... "don't lose heart". i was sort of run-down yesterday, so i chose to submit an old photo for the workshop. but i'm making up for it today with my group of heart-themed photos here:

God has provided through caring people. we have food on our table {thanks to countless people too many to list}...

and juice in our fridge {thanks to those same people}...

and lots of borrowed or gifted maternity clothes. {thanks to jill and and angela!} we shall not want.


i have much more to say about the connections i have recently made through my blogs and these workshops at another time. but quickly, i wanted to say a special thank you to a new blog/workshop friend, who sent me an e-card today with some hopeful words. it quoted a bible verse that said,

"let him have all your worries and cares,

for HE is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you."

~1st peter 5:7 {tlb}

i needed to read that. "he is ALWAYS thinking about you."

couldn't resist adding this at the end. remember b's "hi" message for me? i turned it into a heart.

i hope you have read this all today and found some hope and encouragement, too.

a day in your life at 17 {point} 5

dear baby-b,

i thought i would start to document

and journal about your surroundings

while you are in my tummy and getting bigger.

i know your immediate surroundings

are amniotic fluid, tissue and skin.

but there is a much bigger world around you!

and since i am not quite sure where we will be living

by the time you arrive for your birth,

i thought i would give you a glimpse of the world

that you can not see right now,

but has been enveloping you for seventeen and a half weeks.

and i'll do it by giving you a sort of "day in the life of you" approach.

let's see... today, we'll just stay in the living room.

i love our living room!

it's not the ritziest pad in town.

but it is so cozy, and it is home to us.

everything here is hand-me-down, vintage, or second-hand

{like from thrift stores or garage sales}

with the exception of a few items.

the carpet is green, the drapes are green

and the mood is soft and sunny

{especially around sunset when the sun glows through nicely}.

mama put the christmas tree up this year for the first time in several years.

she was feeling more festive than usual because of you,

knowing you were inside and could feel the glow of the lights

and hear the tones of the carols that played.

the tree is still up today.

i'm one of those people who likes to have it up

as long as i can get away with it.

we've got vintage albums framed and displayed,

and vintage suitcases,

and lot's of other little things we love and cherish...

nothing you could ever sell for millions some day.

but that's okay.

we hope to give you things that can't be bought with money...

simple joys, deep love, and a peaceful home.

and let's see... there's me.

oh, don't worry! i don't always dress this way.

you see, i'm not working right now.

so i was still in my pj's when i took this selfie.

{i wanted you to see what mama looks like at this stage of pregnancy.}

it was pretty cold today,

so i threw on some long socks and my warm wool slipper-socks.

then i put on my favorite ratty sweater.

{it's rather comfortable and warm!}

i made enough of belly show through the sweater

so that you could be seen... well, as much as you can be right now.

like i said, mama won't look like this in ALL the pictures

of you in my belly.

there are some where i'll be wearing

the prettiest things that your sweet auntie angela gave to me...

gorgeous mama-belly-friendly shirts

that show off my bump, but still make me look stylish.

{it was the sweetest thing for her to do.

you'll know when you meet her just how well-dressed and stylish she is.}

and in case you can't read the photo captions,

they say,

"jessie {my bestie}, me and michele

you'll meet them some day."

and

"birds"

and

"that's tony bennett.

you won't get to meet him,

but i promise to play his music for you."

and

"mama {that's me!}"

and

"you!"

i just want you to know something.

i almost fell apart today.

i found out that i can no longer depend

on the two temp jobs i thought i had lined up,

as they fell through.

{one was cancelled and one was put on hold indefinitely.}

you would think after the faith i wrote about

in yesterday's post,

that i would have been able to take it in stride

and just breathe and trust that God would take care of us

no matter what.

but i got a little worried... i must admit.

okay, a LOT worried.

you may have heard me crying up here.

{i apologize for that.

i know you need me to be calm right now.}

but then i talked to your grandma

{my mama},

and she reminded me of the great faith that hezekiah had

and i remembered how she always encourages me to want to be known

for my great faith

more than anything else.

and you know what?

i want to teach that to you, too.

well, needless to say,

after a time of worry and not trusting

that we would be okay in this time {without me working}

and after getting off the phone with my mama,

i knelt down and prayed right there in the living room.

and it was mostly for faith that i prayed.

but i prayed for God's provision, too.

your papa and i may not be able to give you much in the beginning

of your little life...

in fact, we may never be able to.

but my strongest desire is to give you the gift of the knowledge

of a saving, gracious, provisional God.

and my greatest failure would be to not share with you

all i have come to learn about him

the way my my mom and dad did for me.

so, if we are still here in this living room

for years to come after you arrive on the scene,

it is here that i will sit with you

and teach you who God is

right from his word.

and here, little love, are a few more photos

of the place where you now reside.

a little haven of rest

for your mama

in which to listen to her favorite classical music

while she lovingly rubs her belly

with hopes you will feel the love from her hands.

and hopefully, it is here that i will learn

to pray more,

grow in faith,

and call upon God for strength and provision.

{garage sale chair... one of my favorite finds ever! only $10!}

{garage sale coffee table... a mere $5!}

{not all our ornaments are vintage, but they are at least all vintage-esque.}

{okay... another great find. this couch was like brand new...
$75 from the salvation army!
i think it was made in the 60s!!
and the groovy floor lamp is from your "aunt" mary and "uncle" rob.
they were going to just throw it out!}

{that's frank sinatra hanging above the chair!...
his "nice and easy" album.}

good thing your mom and pop like sixties retro modern,

'cause it's easy to find things for our place

that are second-hand in that style!