that's my name, baby boy!...

don't wear it out.
you couldn't possibly wear it out!

i don't know if words could quite explain just how happy i am to not just be his mama anymore, but to be known as mama... to be given the name.

up until now, he only said "dada". in fact, even i was called dada. sometimes even grandma or a friend or a random person on the television was dada.

but now he's getting the whole "call someone by name" thing, and he's starting to get those names down.

as of very recently, i'm not just the person he cries for or misnames. now i'm known by my name. and it's music to my ears. it's enough to make a grown mama cry. it makes me melt each and every time.


i will always be here for him and always be his mom, so may he always call me such in some form or another. becoming a mom forever changed my life. now to be called his forever changes it again.


i think i could dance when i hear him say it! {but i don't, because he might start to think that "mama" is a command for "jump up and down and act silly"}.
*wink*


i'm nothing short of giddy... he calls me who i am.

mama.

i thought i lost my favorite hat on a florida beach...

but, it turns out, it lost me.

{smart hat! stupid me.}

that's okay. 

the important thing is that i still have my favorite person. 

like my hat, he was with me at all times while on the beach. 

unlike my hat, losing him is not okay and most certainly not an option.

so i didn't.

missing florida.
missing the beach.
missing my hat {in more ways than one}.


holding my baby.

{no... i mean, really holding him... that's not just a sweet written sentiment...
he's actually in my lap, reaching for the shiny, new mouse very insistently while i try to type this...
and whining whenever i keep him away from it. *sigh* 

like i said... missing florida.}

short post.
cinco de mayo cuisine from the local taquiera is calling.


will be back monday for another moving picture link-up.
are ya in?

thankful thursday

i was going to name the next-in-line of my alliterative-titled weekday posts "thoughtful thursday" or "think-about-it thursday"... i had some recent thoughts and themes running through my head that i wanted to write out. but then i remembered it is groundhog day today, and i remembered how i like to write about it on my blog, because i grew up in woodstock, where the loved movie groundhog day was filmed. so instead, my post is "thankful thursday"!

"thankful?" you might ask. "why thankful?" well, because the groundhog saw his shadow on this fine morning!

i know... that's normally a bad thing, right? and when i say "right?", i'm really asking... i'm right, right? i can never remember if you want him to see his shadow or not... which of the two means a shorter winter? oh, well. no mind, because like the article i read stated, the groundhog is wrong 40% of time in his {or her} prediction anyway. and i say "his", because in the famous movie, punxatawney's prognosticator is a he... punxatawney phil. anyway, who knows whether or not this year's groundhog was a he or she. if it was not a she, maybe it's high time we get a female in office! *wink*

anyway, i am thankful, because no matter how much more winter we truly have {the calendar says almost seven weeks until the first official day of spring}, it has been a very mild and easy-to-deal-with winter in my neck of the woods compared to our typical chicago winters. in fact, the past few days, temps have made it into the upper 40s... even lower 50s. i think bill murray's weatherman character would say that's "unseasonably warm". i'll take it! and honestly, when you are cooped up inside with a little one all winter, that is a real treat!

i think i'll take isaac to the pool today! maybe not. but we can at least venture out on a walk in conditions like these. before we know it, we'll be out strolling amongst all the blooming trees like you see in the photo above.

oh, i can not wait!

well, if you are as much of a groundhog day enthusiast as i am {i simply adore that movie}, you can see more about the town it was filmed in here... a fun little web site about my hometown and its festival called groundhog days, which has been held there every year since the movie was filmed.

here are a few more photos {from a few years ago}. they were taken at {or near} woodstock's historic downtown square where the movie was predominantly filmed {and where i got married in autumn over eleven years ago}. by the way, this year is the 20th anniversary of the first showing of that movie {which also debuted in woodstock}. that just makes me feel old! *sad face*

this is the house {just outside the town square} that was used for the exterior view of the bed and breakfast inn that bill murray's character stayed in day after day in the story. i lived in a house about a block from this one for about six years.

on the left: the woodstock opera house... remember the scene where bill murray's character jumps from the tower in an attempt to put an end to his reliving of the same awful day over and over? this is the building they used. on the right: this is the historic jail house. the restaurant downstairs was used for one of the scenes in the movie.

here is the famous gazebo {in the exact center of the square} where the groundhog ceremony takes place... also made famous by me and my husband in 2000, when we got married underneath with family and eighty of our closest friends. *wink*

there you have it! i'll have to share my deep thoughts with you some other day. today, i'm just thankful for a mild winter, a return of days that see the sun setting after five o'clock p.m. {as of january 21st}, and the coming spring to look forward to. {it's nice to see a photo with growth on the trees while in the dead of winter, no?}

what are you thankful for today?

serene sunday

i had a change of plans for my day when mr. b. woke up with a sore throat. i let him sleep in and take all the rest he needed, which meant a little more work for me to handle the teething wee one. but it all worked out okay in the end. i really look forward to the weekends, because it is a chance for me to catch up on things that i can't get to during the week when the hub is working. he worked the past two weekends prior to this one. so imagine how forward i was looking to this weekend. *sigh* with under-the-weather and teething boys on my hands, i did not quite get to accomplish what i had hoped to. and beyond that, there were sights and sounds i encountered today that had me grasping for that silence i've been longing for and setting out to achieve {one little word}.

quiet is not always synonymous with serenity, but for me, today it was. i thought of this photo... another from that c.d. of winter bird photos i talked about a couple posts back. i'd still like to post the rest of them. but in keeping with the quiet theme, i chose only to post the one. i added this quote, because i thought it was fitting for the peaceful scene here, but also because it goes along very much with the theme of that same post i just referred to above {with the winter bird photos}... a theme that centered around embracing tension in our creative lives... and even our lives in general.

at first, i thought i'd publish one post per day {about the day before} for my week of mini-series posts that i'm doing. {i guess it's not really a series, other than the similar naming convention of the post titles... which i explained at the end of my last post.} but i decided to squeeze in my sunday post early and stay on that track, as come tuesday and wednesday, i'm going to want my posts for those days to be posted on those days. i think i'm beginning to not even make sense to myself, now. never mind. i think i'll just wrap this up before i turn it into the opposite of serene.

hoping you're sunday had some serenity somewhere in it. i'll be back tomorrow with "m{remains-to-be-seen} monday".

my prayer for isaac

i pray your feet will take you where you are called to go.

i pray your hands will find their purpose in what you are meant to do.

i pray they are both used for provision, and good, and life and love.

i pray they are both kept from harm.

i pray they are both the extensions of a light and life within you

that comes from knowing and trusting your Maker as your Savior.

i pray that He is the one who guides them both

to do good things and bring healing to a broken world.

i pray your feet will find joy and laughter in this life.

i pray your hands will bring laughter and joy to others' lives.

i pray they will mature and be useful for many years to come.

i pray they will one day be weathered and calloused... marks of a life well-lived,

full of work and play and adventure and fulfillment. 

may they not be yours, but His.

{these little casts were made from a kit given to us by a dear friend of mr. b... whose entire family of four is now dear to this family of three. the gift includes a frame with three panels and two packs of this molding material that is meant to be used to make casts of a child's hands or feet... or both, if preferred. then, the casts can be placed in the outer panels of the frame, and the inside frame is meant to hold a photograph. i will probably put the photo below in the center...

...or, maybe a different photo that shows all of isaac.


this is one of the nicest gifts we received for isaac. it also came with a little metal plate with adhesive on the back for mounting to the frame... inscribed with isaac's name and birth date. i think it is such a thoughtful, creative gift and means of capturing the essence of how tiny your little one is when you bring him or her home from the hospital. it captures how sweet and tender that time of life is.

funny thing, though. we kept forgetting to take the molds of his hand and foot, because we set the gift aside after we got it, waiting for a good day to cast them... a special day, like his one-month birthday. but as the box was out-of-sight/out-of-mind, we forgot to do it while he was still very tiny. then the one-month mark came and went, so we waited for the two-month milestone. but that mark passed us by too, so we tried to think of a different milestone day to cast them on... even making up silly occasion to justify what day we'd cast them. finally, when i saw the kit sitting off to the side the other day, i said, "if we do not get this done soon, his hands and feet will be too big to get the casts of them to fit in the frames." so we did it right then and there... no more waiting for a "special" day.

and the best thing happened... we could not get isaac to cooperate. we had to keep re-kneading the "clay" and starting over, especially for his hand impression. otherwise, it might have looked like we were raising a dinosaur! *wink*... BABIES!! =)

why was this the best thing, you ask? well, mr. b. and i sat on the floor as we tried to get those hand and foot prints while isaac sat in his swing. and the whole thing became rather comical, so we found ourselves laughing and laughing and laughing some more. and i knew in my heart, as we all three sat there laughing, we named isaac so appropriately. i knew right then that laughter would be one of our family themes. it would rank right up there with music.

anyway, at two-and-a-half months, this is what isaac's sweet hand and foot looks like. they grow by the day, as does the number of times i kiss them... well, that is to say, his actual hands and feet... not the casts.}

just the three of us

i just realized something as i thought about what to name this post and start writing it... i know it's only been two months since isaac was born {officially... as of today}, but no one has asked mr. b. or me a question like "are you going to have more kids?" or "do you want more?" or "do you plan to have more?"... at least not that i remember. maybe some already know the answer we'd give, and that is why they don't ask. maybe others feel it's not their business to ask, so they stay away from the question. and then, i guess there is the reason that some might not ask because they just never thought to.

i guess i'd have to ask myself those questions. actually, i do. and i ask mr. b, too. i've already let him know that i would gladly do it all again, and that a part of me wants to have another baby {a good while off yet, though}.

even though some aspects of my pregnancy were difficult for me, i tend to remember the good parts. and i had such a wonderful experience with labor and delivery, i'd be all for going through that again!

but then i have to admit... sometimes, i am perfectly content with it being just the three of us. i think i have to get through this blissful babymoon phase i'm in before i would consider, seriously, having another. and by then, we might have really talked ourselves out of it by reminding ourselves how it's going to be a struggle just to provide for one as is... don't know how we could keep adding to the equation.


you just never know what God has in store, though. what i thought would always be two, miraculously {in my opinion} became three. so....... never say never.


anyway, i'm loving this family-of-three life i have. whether it stays this way or grows even more, i'm thankful beyond words. i might have never been part of the equation 1 + 1 = 2 or the equation 2 + 1 = 3. so to be a part of each fills me with utter gratitude.


that's why i love the new mobile that i got last week {from a sweet friend and former co-worker}. she and i had gotten together for dinner with a few other former co-workers so that they could meet isaac, and this mobile was what erika brought for him. because i had already made a sort-of mobile for above isaac's crib in the nursery, we decided to hang this one in our bedroom. you see, every morning, he hangs out with us in there anyway. he lays on his back between mr. b and me after he nurses and looks up at the mobile as the birds glide to and fro.


i can tell he really likes it! some mornings, he just stares and stares while cooing and smiling... never tiring of it's motion. other mornings, he stares, but with little reaction. instead, it seems to calm him... so much so, that he falls back asleep. either reaction/result really makes me glad.


and it holds THREE BIRDS! how perfect!


i had taken several pictures of it... hoping to get one really good shot for my picture inspiration assignment last week, called "well balanced". as you might have guessed, we were to seek out something to photograph that had balance in symmetry or otherwise. what requires more balance than a mobile like this?


most of the shots i took were somewhat blurry. but i ended up liking that... it added to the ethereal mood i was hoping to achieve, as did the vintage texture overlay. and since it is an ever-evolving, constantly-in-motion piece of art, i thought it would be cool to create one of those constantly-changing pictures of it.

so i made this...

neat, hah? wouldn't you love a mobile like this, too? hey, if so, you can always buy one on the web site. {no, i am not a spokesman for that company.} =)


below is the photo i submitted for picture inspiration... not nearly as ethereal, but it has a quote that i like.

anywhoo, it is now after midnight as i write... way past my bedtime! so i better be off to slumber-land beneath that beautiful reminder... 

just the three of us.

memorial day or labor day?

hoping you all have a blessed day

remembering the sacrifices made

by so many to defend and preserve freedom.

{it's rather warm here today... finally!

but warmth brings with it swollen hands and feet...

and heat waves that feel like heat exhaustion

to this mama who is less than three weeks from her due date...
even staying indoors away from the sun's beating rays.

remember when we were little and we all used to confuse

the two holidays that marked the beginning and end of summer...

memorial day and labor day?

well, maybe you never got them confused.

but i always did.

i could never remember which one was the last monday in may

and which one was the first monday in september.

well, ironically, today could be not just memorial day for me...

but labor day as well.

a different kind of labor day.

last night, i had a lot of contractions.

but they were feeling more like how labor contractions are described

than the way braxton hicks contractions are described...

like the ones i had last weekend.

even if today is not the day,

i KNOW i'm so very close.

i've been reading up on all the changes that will happen

to a mother's body as it gets ready for birth.

and they are all starting to occur.

i would not be one bit surprised if i go any day.

and yet i would not be surprised if it's still three weeks off.
and being my first pregnancy,
it's so difficult to know what's normal or typical
and what's the real deal or not.

either way, I'M READY!

sooooooo uncomfortable and miserable.

but so anticipatory and excited, too.
and given the history of my pregnancy...
even though i am in the clear to go through with a natural birth
instead of a c-section,
i'm still gun-shy about it all.
i'm prone to stay close to home where i can be cared for
by the doctors who have been following my pregnancy closely.

anyway, labor day or not,

i'm hoping to relax this memorial day

and do the couple last minute things

that absolutely need to be done before baby-b can come home.

i'm supposed to drive to the city to meet my sister's fiancé

and enjoy a barbeque with my family,

as well as take engagement photos of my sister on the beach.

but i'm seriously wondering if it's wise

to drive so far when i feel so close to labor.

though everything i'm feeling could be false labor signs,

i'd rather err on the side of caution

and remain close to home... just in case.

so, of course, i'm very torn as to what to do.

frustrated about the timing.

i guess only time will tell.

have a wonderful day, all.}

one little word

last friday's picture winter prompt theme was "winter's pull", so i submitted the above photo. but i really took this photo for a different online photo project i had decided to participate in this year.

i've been hoping to participate in one little word since the new year started. {week four of this project was last saturday... and it's my first time submitting. and late, at that! YIKES!} my word has been picked out since before the year began... in fact, it was sort of chosen for me, as i did not have to think of a word to pick. it was already on my mind for many reasons... "strength".

it's the word i want to focus on and apply to my life more than anything else this year. due to having to change insurance as a result of the costs going up, i no longer will be able to see a mentor/therapist as of this year... at least not a paid one. not getting counseling seems a little overwhelming, as i don't feel we completely worked through everything in me that i wanted to. but as part of my learning to build strength and claim God's strength when i don't have my own this year, i will try to learn to look to him for counsel, too... through his word, through other believers, through prayer.

things are not perfect in my life. i don't feel that we are among green pastures. i feel very much in a cold winter season still... a valley. but this is a place that i can learn to be strong. and i am doing it! i see it very much! and january is not even over. can't wait to see where i'll be at come december!

i was just talking to b. we were discussing what to do with a collection agency who is hounding us. i said, "we'll make it, mister. we'll get through this. we always do." he said, "i don't feel like we ever get through it. we just keep wading." i thought, "yes, but at least wading is moving." so i said, "i know. but that's what i mean. it's like we are not getting immediately taken out of a vast field of hurdles. but we are at least somehow able to always jump every hurdle." a little at a time, we will be led away from this field... this desert... this wilderness.

and that alone will build strength! really strong leg muscles especially!

it's a gray and dreary day here. but i know spring is on the way. it always is... no matter what point of winter we are in, spring is ALWAYS on the way.

and that means so is baby-b! {who, by the way, has been kicking a whole lot lately! VERY EXCITING!... i tried to get papa-b to feel the kicks with his hand, but he can't seem to yet. he'll have to wait until the kicks are stronger, i guess.}

well, i just thought i would post {late} my first photo that i took to depict my "one little word" for 2011. it is the epitome of strength, no?... holding on.

hope you are hangin' on today, too.

it's stark in here

{other two submissions here and here}

today's picture winter prompt was called "stark raving magnificent".

tracey wrote:

this time of year, the landscapes around us are often stark and barren. whether your world is covered in snow or you're on a white sandy beach (or on an airplane even like i was for the featured shot) capture some kind of starkness today.

think minimal beauty. think simple. think of the bare necessities in getting the perfect shot.

i wish i was on a white sandy beach!! but alas, my world is more like the first example she gave.

my submissions don't really evoke thoughts of magnificence to me... but definitely stark and barren. and you know how fascinated i am by trees! so i was glad to come upon a large, towering {i guess you could say magnificent... sort of} tree on a stark and barren wintery roadside.

it seemed the perfect thing to shoot for this.

ironically, i woke up feeling a little bit of starkness in my heart. not a permanent thing. just a very sad and full-of-inability-to-understand-something sort of feeling. i had a very difficult conversation last night. actually, i hardly spoke, because i was at a complete loss for words. but i listened, and it left me feeling empty and drained... as if a plug was pulled on a container of understanding between two friends.

i sobbed at the thought of all that went wrong to cause that conversation... and my mind went to EVERYTHING it could to make sense of it all, though nothing did. but i went to sleep praying words i was hardly able to utter... "please God. i can not figure this out. take it upon you, as i do not know what to do with it."

i have to believe he will. last time i prayed something similar {about another difficulty in a relationship}, i saw him work in that situation the very next day. and he has been since.

still, i awoke with this sad and empty feeling. but as the day goes on, i am okay with things... praying for grace and understanding and willingness to look at what i have done. one has to do this. without it, bitterness grows. and i know, because i have let it grow in me before. right now, i have no room for bitterness. i don't want it to seep into my baby's little bones.

for the rest of the day, i choose to look at this emptiness as a season that holds its own sort of beauty... just as the starkness of winter can hold beautiful layers of snow and quiet hush.

it is snowing heavily here right now. i will be going out to get some more photos of the blanket of white being woven as i "speak". but first, i've got some chores to do around here, and i'm thankful to God for the time to do them, the home to do them in, the heat that keeps me warm while i do them, and the family to do them for.

blue

when i look in your eyes, i see the wisdom of the world in your eyes
i see the sadness of a thousand goodbyes
when i look in your eyes

and it is no surprise, to see the softness of the moon in your eyes
the gentle sparkle of the stars in your eyes
when i look in your eyes

in your eyes, i see the deepness of the sea
i see the deepness of the love
the love i feel you feel for me

autumn comes, summer dies
i see the passing of the years in your eyes
and when we part there'll be no tears, no goodbyes
i'll just look into your eyes

those eyes, so wise
so warm, so real
how i love the world, your eyes reveal

while drinking coffee and hot cocoa this morning, mr. b. and i watched his stars and their guitars: the history of the electric guitar documentary dvd from the library. well... he was a little more into it than i. just being next to him was all that i was there for.

i looked over and caught his amazing blue eyes and was just so taken {like always, but more so this morning... must be the way the light through the window was catching them}.

he DOES NOT like to have his picture taken, so i practically had to beg him to let me go get my camera and snap some shots. it is a very rare, cooperative sight to see him looking at my camera and smiling. i knew i had to act quickly. too much time taken, and he would have booted me from the man cave. =)

anyway, i told him to just ignore that i was there... just keep watching the dvd as if i did not have a camera in hand. we're talking about guitars here, so i know that was not too difficult a task for him to accomplish. {*wink*}

isn't he adorable? i think so! and it's more than just the way he looks here. i needed to capture who he is right now... half way through my pregnancy. i have seen the coolest changes in him since he found out he is going to be a papa. i'm not surprised, though. he was a good guy before. now he is a good dad, too. he is totally stepping up to the plate... he is caring so much for me in this pregnancy, so i know he will care so much for baby-b when he or she arrives. i'm so in love with mr. b. right now. call it pregnancy hormones if you must. i call it love.

this blue eyes post sort of goes with today's picture winter theme. since i did not sleep so well last night, i decided to use another old photo to submit today. the theme is "cooling it"... we're supposed to take a photo and process it to give it a wintery feel. that is exactly what i did in this photo back in december!

i had taken the photo in autumn, but i processed it later in december to have a wintery blue feel. that worked out good! now i don't have to go out and create this today, because i already had done so... now i have the day to just rest.

well, one more thing... the lyrics above are from the song when i look in your eyes... a favorite song from an absolute favorite cd of mine!... diana krall's cd of the same title. i often have it playing when i entertain in my home, and EVERY time, my guests ask to know what the name of the cd is so that they can go out and get it, too.

but i have to warn you, it should be listened to on a really good sound system and turned up as much as possible to get the full effect! {i had a friend who bought it after i gave her the name, and she went home and played it on her tiny little clock radio cd player. she told me, "it's just not the same. i did not like it as much as at your house.} if you have to, use ear phones to get the best sound. it's SO relaxing and enjoyable. funny enough, krall is wearing blue on the cd cover.

well, i hope you are all having a relaxing day... full of the good kind of blues!

picture winter: day 2: looking out: a breath of fresh air {or more appropriately titled, "strength? really? that is my word for 2011? HA!!"}

okay, i know this is a strange post title. if this day had gone how i wanted it to, the title would have been something like "strength" or "my new word for 2011".

well, with a very anticlimactic and feeble voice, i very ironically share {as promised} that my word for 2011 is strength. and i also say, oddly, i have anything but, on this day. it has been a very draining, discouraging, difficult day... in a lot of ways. physically. emotionally. even spiritually. i had much to say on the subject of strength today. but, i find i have no... well, you know.

but that is okay, because it is not the word i chose for this year as if to say, "going into 2011, i have strength!" it was not even my word so i could say, "i WILL be strong this year!" it is the word i chose because i realize how much i lack it in so many areas of my life and how, more than anything else, i want it to be a goal of mine this year... especially because i KNOW i am going to need it.

our arms get stronger when we work out. and in the same way, i know we need to exercise all the muscles of life in order to make them stronger. and it is my goal to attain that strength. but i also aim to do more asking for strength when i can't attain it myself... when i have none.

i am certain there will be days ahead when i will need to pray similarly to how david did in the psalms... "my soul is weary with sorrow: strengthen me according to your word." {psalm 119:28}

not just in days ahead. i could pray that today. i did pray that {in my own words} many times over the course of my pregnancy so far. but this year, i want to really focus on crying out for strength from God almighty when i can't find the strength in myself. and i want to look back on 2011 and be able to pray as david did, "in the day that i called, you answered me. you encouraged me with strength in my soul." {psalm 138:3}

i had SO MUCH more to write on the subject, but i plan to wait until i am a little stronger to do so... a little less tired and discouraged and disappointed.

instead, i will post my second submission for the "picture winter" workshop that i am currently participating in. today, we were prompted to go outside and brave the elements and "look out"... to capture a breath of fresh air. oh, that was gonna be a tough assignment for me! it is very bitter cold and windy here today. and not only that, but all the snow is gone because of a warm-up we had a few days ago that melted it all. i really thought i was going to have a hard time finding something "pretty" to photograph. b. and i walked for less than twenty minutes. it was just too cold, even as bundled up as we were. it's funny, but the shot i got is just down the street from me... at the corner, looking down the street that crosses ours. i did not need to go far. oh!... it was a breath of fresh air, alright! very BRISK air!

i had to do some extra-special processing to make this bleak winter photo look less than bleak. it was very bright out, so i purposely let the shot be over-exposed. then i did some edge burning and blurring for a more vintage effect.

not exactly the pretty picture of winter i would have liked, but there will be more time for those. today, it's gonna have to be a bleak photo. and somehow, it goes with the mood of the day. but just like outside, things will get brighter inside, too. another day. a good night of sleep. a little perspective. some prayer time of giving to God what i can not control. i'll be bright as the freshly fallen snow in due time.

and then i'll be back to share a little more on strength... and from a brighter vantage point, i'm sure.

winter blues

every year, you'll find me here complaining about the cold. i am just not a winter person. i hate to be cold. i thrive in the warmth. and thus, during freezing temps, the outdoors and me do not go hand in hand. so i'm looking for pretty winter {color} blues to make the winter {mood} blues disappear.

though winter does not officially start for another couple weeks, it sure feels like it has already arrived here. and it looks like it too, as we have already had a couple of snowy days.

this is one of those "feeling very cooped up" decembers for me... probably the most cooped up i have ever felt. yikes! and i still have such a long way to go until it warms up around here! i guess i'll be getting out to take pictures as much as i possibly can so as to combat this cabin fever... pictures like this that make me happy in the midst of my least favorite season.

i know... you are probably surprised to see me here. it's been a while. but before christmas arrives, i'll be back with a wallop of an update and a wish for a blessed holiday season. but for now, i just have some winter venting to do.

and you... what are you going to do to get through winter this year?

another post inspired by shutter sisters

“faith is the pierless bridge
supporting what we see
unto the scene that we do not.”
~emily dickinson

{just a quick note to pop in and say hello. still waiting for some settling of all that is up in the air in my life, thus still waiting to get back to blogging and blog-hopping more regularly. yikes, it's going to take me a year to catch up on all of your blogs! hoping this week finds you all well.}

on peonies, storms and freedom

i was not sure if i would blog today, but it's raining outside, and i processed some photos last night, so i thought, "oh, why not?"

i wish i had something poignant and moving to say on this memorial day. but i do not. i only have simple thoughts... simply that i am grateful for the freedoms i enjoy, which so many men and women have fought for, died for and protected. and i don't want this day to pass without expressing that gratitude.

we have had the most amazing weather here for three days. today started out nice, but in rolled the clouds, and now i hear thunder. it's actually a bit comforting. i'm a sunshine and blue sky kind of girl! but today, for some reason, the distant thunder, dark clouds, soft rain, and that wonderful summer-rain smell are giving me a sense of peace.

thunder? peace? i know... two words you would not expect to see together. it's been a very reflective weekend. not much going on here. just a lot of time to think. {worry, too.} trying not to worry about money. thinking a lot about possibly relocating to another state. worrying about how in the world that could happen. there are only five-hundred+ question marks that go along with that possibility. i keep going back and forth between two major thoughts these last few days. one: how will we make it? {in regards to staying here and being unemployed.} two: how will we make it happen? {in regards to picking up and moving to another state should this job opportunity pan out.}

perhaps the reason the stormy weather outside gives me comfort is because i know that, much like the storms of life, it will pass and the grass will be even greener as a result.

so i sit. and i wait. because there is nothing i can do about all that right now.

anyway, i'll write more on that later. today, i'm just in summer mode. it's not officially summer yet. but memorial day always feels like the beginning of summer to me. and so do peonies.

peonies also make me think of vintage goodness. i don't know why. maybe i have a faint, tucked-away memory of peonies in an old milk glass vase at my grandmother's house. or maybe it's because they are often used in the many old vintage postcards that i thumb through at antique stores.

whatever the reason, i thought i would sort of antique my recent peony photos {except for this last macro shot } to go with how i see them. peonies are one of my favorite flowers for sure. i hope you enjoy... and i hope you all had a beautiful weekend so far, and that today will be that and more.

rain delay

how cute is she?
i spent at least two hours
taking her picture yesterday.
on a whim.
quite possibly the most fun i've ever had taking pictures.
it was like spending the day
with holly-go-lightly
or a chic, french beauty.

we had hoped for a sunny day to walk around
and bask in its warmth.
but we were give rain instead,
although it was more cloudy than it was rainy.
so we grabbed the red umbrella
and turned it into a photo opp instead.

and let me tell you,
being around her was just what the doctor ordered.
a balm to my anxious spirit.
she always has that calming effect on me.

i thought of telling {and showing } you who...
but then i decided to keep it a mystery
until i get all the photos processed.
so much more to come.

this is shaping up to be a very busy weekend... mostly because i am a procrastinator. but i'll be devoting my time to wrapping up the wedding invitation design of the girl you see above... part of the reason we got together yesterday. i will also be organizing and pricing an entire basement worth of "stuff" that i need to get rid of in a garage sale... FINALLY! hoping to have it sometime in june. and then, last but not least, furiously looking for a job again.

i have so much to share, but i'm suffering from a slight case of insomnia lately. so i am feeling rather sleep-deprived. i may be a little absent this weekend, although i really hope to spend at least a little bit of my time visiting blogs. but catching up on sleep and finishing the invitation design are my number one and two goals.

but first, i'm off to have breakfast with three dear, dear girls... the four of us have been meeting regularly for breakfast for years... although, it seems the older we get, the more time that passes between each get-together. one of the girls is my former roommate that i have been sharing a bit about {whose sister was in intensive care }. her sister is still not out of the woods, but has made some great improvements and also suffered some setbacks. it will be good to see her and catch up and get filled in on everything.

today i am so very tired, but feeling so very blessed and so grateful for friends and support and the freedom to pursue whatever i want to. i'm feeling excited about my creative endeavors... this wedding invitation, my photography, ideas i have brewing.

today i'm enjoying the fog outside my window that i'm told will clear up and be the start of a long stretch of beautiful weather in the 80s.

today i'm glad.
yesterday i was slightly anxious.
the day before i was struggling a lot with worry.
today i'm glad.

blessings to you... i hope your weekend is beautiful.

out...

...to see what i can see

{with my new favorite song stuck in my head }

...to see

if there might be a certain something

that i should freeze in time,

then melt

and pour into a cavity

that is made vulnerable by an obedient shutter,

then freeze it again.

i'm sure there will be something.

a year ago, it was this path,

striped with long, lean shadows of one of my greatest fascinations.

i'm pretty sure it is still there.

i'll let ya know.

see ya.

florida 10: people 2

{why i REALLY want to be a professional photographer + why i REALLY REALLY need a new computer!}

so... this is a long-overdue installment {no. 10 } of my florida vacation series. remember i said yesterday that i have been working on processing a photo shoot? well technically, it was not a photo shoot... at least not the kind that professional photographers do. you see, i was not hired to take these pictures. i was not even asked to. i just had my camera with me {like i always do } while at the beach on our trip to florida last year {april of 2009 }.

b's aunt, who lives there, was with us at the beach, along with her husband, daughter-in-law and granddaughter. so darling is this little one, i just could not help but take a bunch of pictures of her. and the best part was that she was not aware i was taking them so it was a very natural setting.

she is a very sweet, docile child, so she was often still and curious of her surroundings... full of wonder at the beach, sand, water, sky... and so loved by her mom, grandmother and grandfather. her stillness and the lighting were perfect for getting nice clear shots. i've photographed a little girl about this age before, but had a hard time getting anything clear, because she was a very curiously active girl.

but this little one was curious in a different way... less hands-on, and more take it all in with her eyes. it made for some really tender moments to photograph. and i couldn't have been more thrilled than i was to capture them with my camera.

can you believe it took me over a year to work on these? i feel so bad about that. i kept putting it off, because i knew with the slowness of my computer, it would take me at least four or five hours to work on them... including download, photoshop and upload time. but i finally had a large chunk of free time these past several days, and so i was determined to devote a few hours each of a couple days. i'm curious what kind of time it takes those of you who have done a similar kind of shoot.

i e-mailed the slide show of photos off to b's aunt last night, and she wrote back expressing pure delight and satisfaction with what i sent. that was the best reward of all... knowing a grandma is glowing and smiling and able to cherish the face of her granddaughter in pictures, and that she can hold on to those memories even long after her granddaughter has grown.

THIS is why i love to take pictures... one of the many reasons. THIS is why i want to do this professionally! there was not one aspect of this that i did not enjoy. i'm certain i could do this all day, every day. pure joy for me, through and through.

it has only affirmed my desire to take pictures, and only confirmed my reasoning for why it is imperative that i get a newer, faster computer. if i were to do this for a living, i would definitely need to speed up the process. and a camera upgrade would be swell, too!

i just picked my top favorites for this post. but if you are at all interested and would like to see the rest of the pictures in a slide show, click here. there are a few more fun shots to see.

quiet post

we temporarily interrupt this regularly scheduled program to bring you this special post {but i promise... there's still a "polaroid" at the end }

okay... a brief time out from the pseudo polaroids. i had to use my blogging forum to publicly give a special birthday wish to one of my dearest friends, mary.

i've introduced you to her before... back when she first started a blog. well, today is her birthday. she has been a friend to me and my twin sister since third grade. i just love her to pieces.

from time to time, we meet for coffee. the last time we did is when i took this picture of her... all the way back around valentine's day. you know how difficult it has been to wait all this time to post this picture??? *wink*

it's always the best time when we get together. and i can't remember one of those times when we met that she did not have with her all three of the things that are pictured below... her bible, her camera and some coffee. these are all things that speak volumes to the person she is. so much so, that i don't even think i have to say all of the beautiful, intangible things she is for you to know what they are. but i will anyway. she is thoughtful. she is creative. she is a seer. she is a helper. she is so much fun. she loves life! that's only just a start!

the only other tangible thing that i would strongly associate with mary is the outdoors, or nature. she is a true nature lover.

and there is hardly a time i've met with her that she did not share at least one of those four significant things about her. either encouraging me with a bible verse, showing me some of her most recent pictures, buying my coffee for me, or inviting me to tag along on one of her annual nature days. she is not just a friend, but a real blessing in my life. i hope everyone gets to have a friend like her.

i know we've been busy lately, miss mary, and therefore have not seen each other in a while. but know that i think of you often, especially today, and that i treasure our friendship. i wish you a very special day and a very blessed year to come. happy happy birthday! and it's still true and always will be... since third grade, until we meet over yonder... we'll be friends for life.

~~~

okay, for the rest of you... and since i know birthday posts can be sort of awkward for my readers, 'cause i start to get all gushy and intimate and stuhhhhfffff, and you guys, like, don't even know this person, so you are just sort of sitting there thinking, "i feel like i shouldn't be reading this... like i'm reading someone's personal birthday card message, or eaves dropping in on their personal birthday phone call"...

well, here is something for you. another pseudo 'roid for fake 'roid week.

i hope i'm not being disrespectful to the polaroid purists by declaring it fake 'roid week here. trust me, i'd be joining in on the real thing if i could! i completely respect their craft. and i have a strong feeling that by this time next year, i will be joining the real polaroid ranks. one of my friends read my recent posts, and told me she thinks her mom still has her polaroid sx-70 in her basement, and that i can probably have it! YIPPEEE. i'm over the moon!

thanks to everyone for the recent kind comments and strong interest in my last few fake 'roid posts. i already thought it was fun, but you guys are making this a blast! i'm glad you are enjoying it as much as i am. imagine how much fun it will be next year when i'm doing the real thing!!!

we are almost a week into may... how are you doing on your goals and dreams?

happy thursday! it's very bright and sunny here, and i'm going to soak it all in while it's here, because after today, it is predicted to be cold and rainy for a while. {always just in time for the weekend, no?}

continuing with the fake polaroids for fake 'roid week here, i give you some sepia 'roids.

so i pulled a bunch of images from the last several months for this group, and it got me thinking... "oh, my goodness! it's already may! in less than two months, the year will be half over. YIKES! how did that happen?"

then i started thinking about all the goals i had set for myself when the new year started. all the dreams i had written down or planted in my thoughts. and i started to do a self-check... am i where i wanted to be by this point? in some ways, yes. i'm almost debt free {still have one last battle to go on that }. i've made some healthy habit changes {but i've fallen off the wagon on those lately }. i'm pursuing some dreams in ways that i was never bold enough to pursue before {but i still need more boldness and confidence there }.

all in all, i think i'm doing okay. but if i were to not stop and check in every once in a while, i could see myself easily slipping on all of these. oh, how i do not want that to happen! i so sincerely do not want 2011 to arrive, and look back and see that i wasted 365 days again! not that any year of my life has ever been a waste. but i know i have not taken full advantage of the years i've been blessed with thus far.

i'm getting to the age where that's just not an option anymore. i want to live life to the fullest and seize every opportunity that comes my way! i want to grow. to learn. to achieve things i thought i could not. to use my time, talents, resources and blessings wisely.

i think we should check-in every month, at least... don't you? what about you? how are you doing so far this year? i'd love to hear... especially if you have some tips about how you keep it fresh and alive... how you keep the goals and dreams from slipping away unnoticeably.

do share! and even if you don't, have a happy thursday! i hope you enjoyed the "roids".